video/action

[candothat]

Who: Pavel Chekov and anyone!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist and/or Iskaulit
When: From the Great Shuffle through July


[video]

It was kind of our hosts to give us gifts after keeping us on the Marsiva and making us share far, far too much with each other, but...

[The Russian pulls his lovely gift basket into view. In addition to the candies and fudge and pickled herring (he is grateful for all of these things, thank you space hosts), there are a few additional items that he is less amused by.]

Did anyone else find their choice in gifts, er... slightly insulting?

Although it was thoughtful of them, I admit, to provide a shirt [it says "I <3 bad boys," for the Russian speakers out there] for my girlfriend to wear once I grow her.

[Sarcasm. That was definitely sarcasm.]


[action]

[If Pavel isn't poking around his quarters on the Tourist, then he's going for a run on the Iskaulit. In either case, he is making no real effort to be sociable. It's not that he doesn't want to talk to people, it's just that there are a lot of things that he doesn't want to talk about. Everyone knows that the only sure way to avoid certain topics of conversation is to avoid talking entirely.

Any attempts on his part to keep quiet will fail miserably if he's approached. Being a person who likes other people is so hard sometimes.]


[ooc: If you, like me, wanted to do ALL of the Calibration things but grossly overestimated your ability to do so, you're welcome to browse Chekov's memories and handwave your character seeing any of the unmarked ones.]

Comments

[passingthrough]

I know I don't have to. I guess I can go a step further and try not to. But the point is I'm more worried about everyone else. And it's good to be back to what feels strangely like a version of home.

[candothat]

I see. You're only an overachiever to a point at which it starts benefiting you instead of others. [Teasing, but is he wrong?] You were unlike yourself in that version of your home. Do you remember what happened well?

[passingthrough]

You're on to me. [She says it in a joking way, but he's right. He earns a nod too.]

All of it I think. At least all of the dreams. Something else happened that I can't remember. I only know it happened because I left myself notes and have these vague flashes sometimes. It was while we were awake though.

[candothat]

While we were awake...? [He frowns. The possibility that he doesn't remember some time spent awake hadn't occurred to him, but now that she mentions it.] What notes did you leave yourself?

[passingthrough]

[She rolls up her sleeve where she still has her writing that she keeps refreshing. There's a six digit number and "Three Twins: NO? ?? ???????, Windrose: NO? ?? ???????, Cycle 12, Engineer, Winn Schott: inactive. You found this on the Marsiva. Vash has information too."]

I have it memorized now, but just in case. I have it written down in more convenient ways too, but at this point I trust this more.

[candothat]

Some of this is very cryptic, Kitty. Do you know what it means? Aside from the last two, those are self-explanatory.

[passingthrough]

Not really. I don't know if this was all the information I saw or all I had time to write down. I wrote the part about finding it on the Marsiva later when I realized where the words came from. I don't think I expected to forget it. I probably just wanted to get this information down perfectly.

[candothat]

Maybe you will find the context for these things and then they will make sense. It's more than I have, at least. Almost all that I remember are the dreams.

[He has, by now, resumed the Seeker-petting.]

[passingthrough]

Maybe. You remember the general being on the Marsiva-ness of it while being awake too, right?

[candothat]

Generally, yes. [Specifically, not really. It's a bit late to worry about that, though, so he won't.] Why were we there, do you think? Why did any of this happen?

[passingthrough]

I don't know. I only know that it happened once before I got here too. I also know you have a very nice mind and while that doesn't mean you should have to share it when you don't want to you it's also a good one to share if you have to.

[candothat]

Not everyone who was there would agree with that assessment... but thank you. [Really. His mind is very important to him.] I am sorry about... er, the one memory. You know.

[passingthrough]

[She looks at him with curiosity. She's about to ask when he throws in the apology. She reaches out to take his hand and give it a squeeze. Sorry, Seeker.] You don't have to be sorry or hide anything from me, Pavel.

[candothat]

I don't want to give you reasons to feel bad on my behalf. [And, lighter:] Also... I would like to stop crying on you. That's becoming embarrassing. [Seriously though, he's done more crying in his stay here than in all of his other time in prison universes put together.]

[passingthrough]

I know that feeling. [She felt it for everyone who walked through her memories.]

Well, if I'm making you feel embarrassed, kick me or something, because it's the last thing I want to do. [Breaking your heart was way above that.]

[candothat]

Which? Not wanting others to feel bad, or the crying? [Teasing, he knows which one it is. Here!Kitty is pretty good at not crying, mostly.]

I am making me embarrassed without your help, thank you.

[passingthrough]

You know which one. [Kind of both.] And I haven't seen anything embarrassing, so you'll have to try harder. We could get you a funny hat?

[candothat]

No thank you. The shirt from our hosts has made my wardrobe embarrassing enough for now.

[He turns his attention back to Seeker. Don't worry, he's still addressing Kitty.]

...Nothing that I have done or said or that you have seen since I came here has been embarrassing?

[passingthrough]

[Good because, honestly, Seeker would think that's kind of a desperate question coming from someone so new into a relationship with him.]

You are entirely lacking in embarrassment, Pavel. Of if there are some things they are just things we share anyway. [Like nerd stuff.] And I know I'm not embarrassing.

[candothat]

[Shying away from emotional intimacy so soon, Seeker? You wound him.]

Thank you. I have been certain for months now that I'm making a fool out of myself here. [He's not thinking about nerd stuff so much as the confessing and pining and inability to move on. Kitty's right, though! Some of those are things that they share!] You have never once been embarrassing. Everyone who has met you knows that you're very cool.

[passingthrough]

[That's the best time to shy away! And really, who has the better track record here?]

Well, of course I'm cool. [She smiles.] And you've just been dealing with things that are impossible to deal with. I can't imagine what I'd do or how I'd feel if I got to a world where I found Winn again and he remembered me, but he remembered us just being friends. [They were "just" friends for like 5 minutes. Details, details.] Terrible, probably, while also wanting very much to still have him in my life.

[candothat]

[...Solid points.]

Not impossible. [He's dealing, right? Sometimes he thinks he's even dealing pretty well, but then something happens to remind him that he's still in love with Kitty and she's still in love with Winn. Keep twisting that knife, universe.] Thank you for being understanding and patient with me, Kitty. I know that this has been difficult for you as well, since Winn left especially.

[passingthrough]

Yeah, well, I've lost everyone I've loved a couple of times before, right? [She says this at lightly as someone can say those words and mean them.] This time it didn't even clean me out. [Meaning there are still people here she loves even if it's not quite the same way she's loved in return. But he's not wrong. It's hard. It's so hard. It's like she's fighting more gravity than everyone else, pushing down on her all the time. Or maybe being with Winn just made her feel so light that it's just like this in contrast to be normal again. Not that she feels normal.]

[candothat]

Right. You were almost lucky this time. [Not even going for light since it's much harder to approach Kitty's feelings with forced humor than his. Maybe this time around wasn't quite as devastating as some of her other losses since she's not alone, but "not entirely devastating" is nowhere near "lucky." It would've been luckier to keep the boyfriend and lose the... whatever Chekov is, especially after she'd gotten used to not having him around. He sort of resents himself for being here instead of Winn. How is that fair to Kitty? Why doesn't she get to keep the person she wants once in a while?

...What if Chekov is part of the reason the Atroma took Winn? Maybe it was for ratings. Maybe they realized that a Winn-Kitty-Chekov love triangle wasn't that much fun with two of the three participants in a happy, stable relationship. Oh no. That wouldn't make this his fault, exactly, but it'd be his-fault-adjacent...

Right, no, looking for creative ways to elicit self-hatred should wait for later. That's a solo activity and Kitty said something that was sweet in a weird, depressing way, so.]

No one has been lost completely. Maybe you'll be actually lucky soon.

[passingthrough]

Exactly. [She gives him a light smile. Her mind isn't trouble by thoughts of trading people she loves for the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. There's no resentment for anyone but the Atroma.]

Yeah...maybe soon. [Her smile weakens. It's hard to find just the right balance of hope and determination without hanging your every hope on it. She's also been telling herself she needs to move on. She's so far from ready for actually doing that, but what good would she even be to Winn if she was living some shell of a life just pining for him? She has to keep walking.]

Mm, how are things going for you? Any Tourist gossip? [Even if they haven't been back on the ships long.]