driftfleet | Captain's Log 12

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Captain's Log 12 - Assessment

Who: Jim Kirk & Anyone
Broadcast: Yes
Action: The Tourist if you want to speak to him in person
When: Now! Right now!

_{[ The video comes on and Kirk fills the screen, looking somewhere between perturbed and amused, maybe even a touch confused. Or was it miffed? Either way it's a slightly odd expression and just to his left is sitting a basket most everyone should be familiar with now. It is opened, though the food stuffs is left untouched (for now - he's not Looma, okay?).

He picks one of the items up off the table beside him and holds it up - it's a picture of a bird with some words atop it that read: 'I took a calculated risk, but man, am I bad at math' and titled on the frame as "Self Portrait". ]}

I feel this is a very sassy and unwarranted attack on my character, Atroma. Is there something you're trying to tell me?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

_{[ He smiled, and decided for the better of them both he should let off
on this otherwise he would drive himself insane. ]}

What are you doing in here anyways?

[A wise decision, on his part. ]

I have been taking care of the weapons. They still need upkeep, we never know when we may need to use them.

_{[ He nodded, glancing around them. ]}

Have we gotten any new inventory in?

No.

[He pauses, picking up a gun and putting it back into a holding slot. ]

...Though I have been considering getting an upgrade. If I did, however, it would be for the ship as a whole. Given what the Marsiva is capable of, that would be the wisest decision.

_{[ He nodded, seeing the logic behind it. ]}

I'll go in with you on that, get it done a bit quicker.

That is considerate of you. [He taps the side of his head. ] Though I believe only the security officers on board can purchase it.

Who the hell knows what our new watchers will and will not allow?

_{[ He shrugs. ]}

But if not, well, I'll get you some wine instead.

That is true. Perhaps they have changed the rules.

[A smirk crosses his lips. ]

Oh? What for? For spending my hard earned coin on bettering our ship? I would rather us not be under threat of being shot out of space any more than you. All my things are here.

Just your things?

_{[ Another raised brow, fingers brushing Fenris' shoulder. ]}

[He chuckles. ]

Perhaps a little more than just that.

_{[ He laughed softly. ]}

It's all right. I don't mind being called yours.

_{[ Well, maybe a little, but this was just play right now. If it came
to it, they could have a more serious conversation. ]}

[And Fenris' smile vanishes- he takes a step back. ]

No. [Gentle, but firm. ] You don't belong to anyone.

_{[ Oh. He paused, quiet a moment and then nodded. ]}

I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound that way.

It is ...fine.

[He tries a smile again, a little more apologetic. He knows, he knows absolutely that Kirk didn't mean it that way. He wishes, more than once, that his broken pieces didn't rear their ugly heads at times like this. Remind him he'll never be truly okay. ]

I know you did not mean it.

No, Fenris, it's not fine. It bothers you and I should have been more careful with my words. I'm sorry.

_{[ After seeing the memories, he should have known to have been more
careful. But the game got away from him, and he spoke without thinking.
]}

You don't need to apologise.

[His tone is quieter, softer. He hates this. He hates that this still happens to him. It's been nigh on a decade and the vipers are still at his door. ]

_{[ He stepped closer, reaching out, but not quite touching him - his
hands open for Fenris to come into them or take them. ]}

Nor do you Fenris.

[He doesn't reach back, not right away. He scowls at the floor.]

I still let it consume me. I have been free for over a decade and it still haunts me, and I still let it, fool that I am.

Fenris, there's no specific time frame for getting over trauma. Some people never do, not entirely. And that's okay too. Everyone's different in how they deal with the things that happen to them - there's no right and no wrong. So don't worry about things like how long it's been - you do it in your time.

[Fenris lets out a soft, frustrated sound, raking his fingers through his hair. ]

So I have been told. But it does not make it any less frustrating. I don't want to still be haunted by all of this.

I know I have mentioned this before, but perhaps it is time to really try it? You should speak to a specialist - a therapist, or someone close it if we have someone on the Fleet. If not, we find out on the planet we come to next.

I know talking about it is hard for you, but I think talking to a professional can help you. It's worth a shot at least, isn't it?

[Fenris exhales sharply, folding his arms. He knows he should talk, that he needs to. He's not sure if it would help him or not. His hurts are buried pretty deep, and he has no memory of anything before them to fall back on, should he start peeling the layers apart. Bt as Kirk said, it was worth a shot. ]

...Perhaps you are right. I do not know if we have anyone on the Fleet who is capable.

[He doesn't even know how to ask. "Hi, I'm Fenris and I have deep trauma and anger issues I need to get past, please help!" Foolish. ]

If you allow me to, I can ask. I'll send out a general call, but ask for private responses, and you can choose from amongst those who do respond. It's important you are comfortable with your therapist.

And if nothing else, you can always talk to me. I'm not a professional, but I'll at least listen.

_{[ He gave him a relieved smile, glad the other was finally agreeing to seek help. ]}

Thank you. That would be...very helpful.

[He's still unsure. Unsure if it would actually work. Unsure if he could even talk about it anyway. But there is one thing he is sure of- he gives Kirk a sad smile.]

No. You do not want to know about my past. You would not see me the same.

[He's done things that makes his own skin crawl- he couldn't bear it to have Kirk look at him differently, knowing all the darkness that's inside him. No. It's better this way.]

_{[ He would argue that, but he felt he had pushed Fenris far enough
today and gotten quite the progress from him already in the willingness to
even seek help. So he just smiled and nodded, touching his cheek gently.
]}

Come on then, let's see to this new inventory then. The captain should know what we have to defend ourselves with, right?

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