Video 01

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and anyone
Broadcast: Fleet-wide
Action: Marvisa
When: Now until the next shuffle?

[Cole doesn't usually sleep, so waking up is very unfamiliar. He doesn't usually feel the cold or heat much, so the deep coldness in his bones is alien.

He jerks upright with a gasp, hands scrabbling at the back of his neck and then he vanishes in a puff of black-green smoke and reappears in the corner of the room, pressing himself back into it, staring around with wide eyes.]

Whispering, watchful, wakeful, wondering, where?

[He then spends a while patting things around him like the floor and wall, whispering under his breath.

In all honesty, he'll stay in that room until someone convinces him to leave and go elsewhere. It's not like he has to leave for any reason.]

Comments

[dawnwillcome]

[It's a relief, honestly. Something she should have expected from Cole because he was always quick to attach to people with good hearts. And she's charmed by his description of Cullen, because even if it makes little sense to her she can still sort of put the pieces together to catch his meaning.]

What does his song sound like?

[killedwithlove]

Sweet like honey and deep as the Stone. It reaches up and he reaches out and he cares so much it aches in his bones, aches like the little blue bottle aches.

It's a nicer song than a lot of songs. Much nicer than the deep song. I don't like that. The real one or Corypheus' pretend one.

[dawnwillcome]

[Alright lets just gently steer you away from blue bottle talk.]

That does sound like him. And we're far away from Corypheus now, you shouldn't hear any of the music he makes. I can't imagine it's at all pleasant.

Are you... how are you feeling, Cole? Is everything alright?

[He seems the same kind of Cole she knew, less spirit and more boy, but it's hard to tell. Maybe she can figure it out through questions and not upset him by asking directly.]

[killedwithlove]

The Old Song. It sings in the Darkness, swings this way and that, they swim in the stone until they find it.

I don't like the old song.

[He gives a small shrug, looking down. There's no amulet pinned to his chest, at least.]

I'm not hurt. It's quiet. Alone. Aching alone. A vast void of vertigo. I don't like being alone.

[dawnwillcome]

[Poor Cole, she really does hate the way this works, that the first week for a new arrival is always being stuck alone, for the most part, and separated from the people you want to see the most. From the people who miss you, have missed you, their entire time here.]

It should only be a few days, and then you'll get to go to your own ship. After that if you don't like she ship you're assigned to, there are ways to switch again. Maybe we can get you and Solas on one together.

[killedwithlove]

I'd just like to be with people. I don't like being alone. Last time I was alone, I became something terrible, and I don't want to be it again.

[He crowds up in his corner.]

Solas, Varric, Dorian, maybe not Dorian, Dorian's new friend doesn't like me. I could come stay with you?

[dawnwillcome]

You won't become like that, Cole. I promised you before and I'll promise you again now, you'll never become anything you don't want to be.

[She says it with conviction, because it had been so important to him to know without any doubts that if he started to hurt people again, it wouldn't be something he went on doing for long. She cares for Cole far too much to let him go through that again.]

Of course you could stay with me, I'd love to have you here. I've set up a lot of plants and flowers in my room to tone down all the metal and coldness, you could visit whenever you wanted to.

[killedwithlove]

Thank you.

[He watches her closely and then nods slowly]

You're like the inquisitor. Were you the inquisitor in place you knew? Do you have yellow flowers?

[dawnwillcome]

I-

[She'd been trying to keep that quite here, to avoid talking about the Inquisition and her power in an attempt to not draw the kind of attention she had in Thedas. Things are different now, she knows it's incredibly unlikely anyone will care at all, but more importantly she doesn't want to take that connection away from Cole. It's their common ground, and he should know the truth.]

That's right. My name is Jove, I'm a Dalish elf from clan Lavellan. And I'm fairly certain I have every color of flower you could want. I've had a whole month to collect them.

[killedwithlove]

Jove Lavellan. Solas doesn't like the- no. Not dislike. He doesn't think very highly of the Dalish. Is that the way to put it?

But Solas isn't right about everything. He wasn't right about leaving.

[dawnwillcome]

I think that's about as close as anyone can get to explain how Solas feels about the Dalish. We get along well, though, so there's nothing to worry about there.

[As for the rest, she has to assume Cole means the first time Solas left them. In the middle of the Exalted Plains he had lost a dear friend and the pain of it had been too much, he'd left them there to find their way back to safety in Skyhold one man down.

Jove hadn't faulted him for it, even if there was danger in traveling without a fourth person to round out the group. He had been gone for days, but he came back. That's the important part to focus on.]

Sometimes people need distance to see how they feel about something, Cole. Maybe he had to leave to be able to see the right way to come back to us.

[killedwithlove]

That doesn't make sense. How can going away make anything feel more? He only had to come back because he went in the first place.

[Cole has some strong feelings about Solas leaving them. Leaving him, not that he's able to really understand that yet.]

[dawnwillcome]

[She takes a moment to consider, how to put this into words that make sense and paint the easiest picture.]

Think of it as an empty cup. Each thing that happens to us fills the cup a little more with water, and the sad things fill us up faster. Eventually, the cup will become full and start to overflow and the experiences you have then can't mean anything because they flow straight out of you. When you get too full, you have to take the cup away and empty it, check it for cracks before you can start filling it up again.

[It isn't a very good description, she's well aware of that, but it's about the only thing she can think of.]

Does that make any sense?

[killedwithlove]

[It makes Cole quiet for a while. Thinking about what was going on, why Solas might have had to go to get space to empty the cup.

It does make sense to him. In a way. He understand that eventually, sadness becomes something that can drown you.]

It makes sense. I don't entirely understand, but it makes sense.

[dawnwillcome]

Solas is very confusing, I don't think any of us really understand him completely.

[Her tone is lighter, inviting Cole to poke fun at the other elf if he feels like it might help. Teasing does lighten things up at times.]

What's important is that we're there for him when he does come back.

[killedwithlove]

I don't know if Solas really understands Solas.

[He had to let go of it. Solas was allowed to leave. He had said he'd stay until the Breach was closed. And he had.]

He's here. I think he wants to see me.

[dawnwillcome]

[Okay, that makes her laugh.]

You know, I think that's the truest thing anyone has ever said. And I'm certain he does want to see you, he was always fond of you. If he had to leave, it would never be because of something you did. You know that, don't you?

[killedwithlove]

No. And you don't know that either. Rhys started to hate me because of something I did. I didn't mean to, but I did. Solas could feel the same.

[dawnwillcome]

I do know that. [Or at least, she believes it with every bit of her heart.] Solas understands the nature of spirits, he would never hate Compassion for being Compassion.

[killedwithlove]

No. Not for being Compassion. For being Cole.

[dawnwillcome]

He would never hate you for being Cole, either. And I- [She stops to correct herself, struggling to remember this isn't the Cole she spent so much time with.] The Inquisitor in your world, did they send letters to Rhys?

[killedwithlove]

[Cole thinks quietly and then nods slowly.]

The paper carried memories of me, of pain and sadness and regret. He remembered me.