driftfleet | video/action: open

Entry tags:

video/action: open

Who: Kirk + Anyone!
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Yes, on the Tourist and Iskaulit
When: Now!

[ Video ]
_{[ The video opens to Kirk's bedroom, his hair damp from what one would hope is a shower. A small curl has escaped against his forehead. He doesn't look particularly grim, but he doesn't seem overjoyed to be awake either. ]}

Good morning, everyone. Looks like I'm finally awake. For those who don't know me or possibly forgot I was here given how long I was alseep, I'm James Tiberius Kirk, captain of the Tourist - but just call me Jim.

According to my first mate, I've been asleep for a month. And I've missed quite a bit, as it turns out.

_{[ He took a breath, his voice sounding a touch guilty, even though going into a coma wasn't his choice. ]}

I would appreciate a check in with everyone, especially my crew - new and old members. And if anyone wants to talk, I'm here.

[ Action - Tourist ]
_{[ Awake and showered, now he needed coffee. Coffee and a real meal. There had been... distractions, before now. He made his way to the kitchen to see if he could coax the coffee maker into being kind and cooperating for once, and that done he took up a spot where he could look out at the stars gliding by - and hopefully catch anyone else coming and going.

Once he had finished the coffee, he would start a walk around the ship, looking to catch anyone he hadn't already and get a feel back for her. ]}

[ Action - Iskaulit ]
_{[ More than anything else he craved exercise. Whatever Atroma did while they were in their comas had kept off any major atrophy, but his body still felt tight and unused. It was certainly uncomfortable, to say the least, and after being told of what had happened he didn't want to be caught in anything less than prime condition.

So the Iskaulit went to avail himself of the facilities, running long laps and then switching to weights and back again. If he saw anyone he would talk, of course. He might even slide into the bar at some point. Most professionals would say that going for a drink after waking up from a coma wasn't the best idea, but considering what he had been told? He thought it a necessary medicine. ]}

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Yes. That is why I was a wolf. It was the same last time.

[Because that was his identity, for so long. ]

Oh? [A smile plays on his lips. ] I was not aware. So on Earth, my name is associated with the end of the world? How...interesting.

[The smile fades and he stops in his work proper, his brow furrowing. ]

...It is the name Danarius gave me.

_{[ Kirk laughs with him, then sombers when he learns the truth of the
name. He had to wonder why Fenris held to his name if it was one his abuser
had given him, but he was sure Fenris had his reasons. Reasons he would
share if he wanted. ]}

What was your name before? Do you remember?

[Reasons he was more than willing to share with Kirk. He'd wanted to for a while. He exhales, putting the sword down. ]

Leto. I do not remember it all that well. Varania told me what it was.

[Before she betrayed him and destroyed the one belief he had about his past self. ]

Edited 2017-10-02 02:15 (UTC)

Leto.

_{[ He said the name slowly, testing how it fit on his tongue. He watched Fenris as he said, watching how the name settled on the elf he had come to care so much for. ]}

Do you like being called that?

_{[ It seemed a fair question since Fenris had, well, never told him about it until now. ]}

[It settles like a lead weight. His shoulders tense, his fingers fidget. He has half a mind to stand and start pacing, to relieve some of the nervous energy churning up inside of him.]

No.

[It comes out harsher than he intended. Like the frightened tooth-snap of a cornered animal. The animal Danarius had named him for- turned him into. He exhales unsteadily, he knew this would be a difficult conversation, but it is one he needs to have with Kirk all the same. He rubs the back of his head, fingers tangling a little in white hair that was once another colour altogether. ]

I- that isn't my name. I remember next to nothing about my past, who I was when I had that name. Leto might as well be a stranger to me. That life- all of it- was taken from me. It doesn't exist any more. It's not who I am.

Edited 2017-10-02 17:28 (UTC)

_{[ Such vehemence takes Kirk aback, but he is careful not to show it beyond a slight rocking back of his weight and the fraction of a twist in his brows.

By now he has learned there is little point in pushing Fenris. Either the elf will tell him or he will not, so he remains quiet, letting Fenris collect his thoughts and doing his best to listen. Once more he could feel the acid of hate welling inside of him for a man he had never met. He just knew he hated him, for what he had done to Fenris, for the way he had twisted him. No doubt it had done it to others, but that was peripheral to the pain he saw in front of him.

He nodded when Fenris finished, not reaching out to him yet, though he wanted to. He wanted to hold Fenris in his arms, like that could make all of it go away or finally heal over. ]}

Fenris it is then.

_{[ He paused again, tapping his knee. ]}

What does being Fenris mean to you, if I can ask?

[That was...quite the question. Fenris hesitates, bare foot tapping on the floor, agitated, needing to move. Needing to get away or...stay. Or...something. He opens and closes his mouth, starting and then failing to find his voice. Eventually, he lets out a slow breath. ]

I don't know. I barely understand myself at the best of times. [Existing is a daily exercise in scooping up all his broken pieces and trying to make something semi-functioning out of them. ] I just knew I wanted to make my name...me into something that wasn't his. To turn it against him.

_{[ Kirk keeps where is, letting Fenris walk unobstructed. The last thing that would be good for either of them was for Fenris to trip.

He nodded at Fenris' words, his gaze soft. ]}

I think you're on the right track. From the memories I saw - the person you were then, to the person you are now? There's a remarkable difference.

[Fenris shakes his head, pausing. ]

No. That- I remember that. That...was when I was under him, but that was still me, I-

[He knows it's hard to explain, he hardly understands it himself.]

Leto- that life is completely gone. In my calibration, that was the doors that led nowhere, the broken pieces of world. There's nothing to see, nothing to gleam from. That life has literally been obliterated. That person doesn't exist anymore.

_{[ Kirk set his lips in a thin line, not out of anger, but from thinking. Debating. Finally he reached up, holding out his hand to Fenris in a quiet request for him to come and sit with him. As much as he enjoyed watching Fenris move, he felt his words might be better said if they were on similar levels. ]}

Maybe all that means, Fenris, is that there was nothing to gain there.

[Fenris hesitates for a moment, before relenting taking Kirk's hand and sitting down. He closes his eyes, trying to control his breathing. In. Out. ]

I still wanted to know. I have no past to fall back on. No childhood memories. I do not know what my parents looked like, their names, the sounds of their voices. All my good memories of my sister are gone.

I may have nothing to gain from them, but I still want them. You don't understand...it is like having your life as a jigsaw puzzle before you, but half the pieces are missing. However much you want to, you will never complete the picture.

[His tone is level, at least. This...this is not something that can be solved simply, if ever. He needed Kirk to understand this was just another broken piece of him- perhaps the biggest broken piece. Something that nothing and no one, not even Kirk himself, could ever fix. ]

_{[ Kirk let out a soft sound. Not quite a sigh, almost a click of his tongue. His thumb brushed across the back of Fenris' hand, searching for words to try and ease some of his pain. He wasn't arrogant enough to think he could take all of it away, could heal all of his many wounds, but he wanted to try and find a way to soothe one. Just one. ]}

I'm sorry, Fenris. I wish I could give you those memories back, help you find the thing you want.

And maybe this doesn't help, as it's only my perspective - but I've never found you lacking, Fenris. I've never believed that someone's past defines who they are, who they can become. Just because you can't complete the picture, doesn't mean you can't tell what it is - or what it will be. Sometimes it's better to leave things open for interpretation.

_{[ He squeezed gently. ]}

I know it sounds like silly platitudes, probably ones you've heard before, I'm sure. I can't do anything about your past, but I'll try and do something for your future - give you good memories to look back on. And if this is something you want, to find the pieces, I'll help however I can.

[He has heard these things before, and he knows them to be true, even if he has difficulty believing them himself. He lets out a shaky exhale. He knows Kirk is trying to offer comfort, and he should allow himself to take it for what it is- hard as that is to do sometimes. To just...allow people to comfort him. A horrible part of his mind is always looking for a motive- a reason why someone wishes to do that for him. Even when he knows they're doing it just to make him feel better. ]

I know. I...thank you. It does mean a lot. I doubt I'll ever find the answers I need. Varania is the only one who can provide that, and I have not seen here for years.

[And he doesn't trust himself not to just kill her if she ever did come into his life again, anyway. ]

I would like to try to make better memories. This is in my power to do, at least.

_{[ No, he would not trust Varania either. He wasn't a great proponent of violence, but Varania was definitely someone he wanted to punch for what she had done to Fenris. And Fenris' old master he could actually say he wanted killed, or at least stripped of everything he was.

He reached up, stroking his fingers through Fenris' white locks. ]}

We'll make enough that they're your new base - the beginning of a new puzzle.

[Varania is the absolute worst. Fenris finally calms, the tension melting away from him. Slowly, he collects himself again, making himself more functioning for the remainder of the day.]

A new puzzle, hmm? I like the sound of that.

Edited 2017-10-09 20:41 (UTC)

_{[ A relieved smile swept across Kirk's face, afraid for a moment he might have said the wrong thing. He didn't want to dismiss Fenris' desires, but he also didn't want to overly encourage the other to focus to heavily on the past. ]}

Good. I had a thought we might even start right now...

_{[ His eyes glittered, leaning in towards Fenris - but slowly, giving the elf time to push him back if he wished. ]}

[A smile tugged at Fenris' lips- not only for Kirk's words but for the fact that, as always, he was letting Fenris choose this. To decide if he wished to pull away or not. It meant everything.]

That's quite the thought, Captain.

[He absolutely used that tone when he said captain. He closed the gap with a rueful chuckle, pressing his lips against Kirk's.]

_{[ Kirk hoped there would be a day where he could take a kiss and not worry he might trigger something in Fenris. Perhaps, one day, and it might signal the other was finally healing. For now, he tread carefully, always wanting to remind his lover that what they had was from mutual affection. Or he liked to think so.

Oh, and he used that tone. Naughty elf.

It and the kiss was enough to make him shiver, humming softly against Fenris' lips. He sucked at the lower, pressing with his teeth ever so lightly. ]}

So glad you agree, First Mate.

[The sad truth is that Fenris will never be truly healed. But slowly, as he spends time with people who help rather than hurt him, he is starting to be... okay. It was a step forward- far better than he was in the past.

He smirks a little into that kiss, the corners of his eyes creasing in amusement as his fingers find the back of Kirk's head, threading through his hair. ]

Hmmm, not quite the same when you say it.

Ah, well, I don't have quite your way with words.

_{[ He titled his head into the other's fingers, humming at their touch and leaning his forehead against Fenris' shoulder. ]}

[His smile softens a little as he inhales deeply, enjoying the man#s scent. ]

I'm sure you can get better, with practise.

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good place to end?