driftfleet | Tourist October Mingle

[Anders winced to himself. He...didn't think Wolfe had necessarily meant Justice was a danger to Riona, but he hadn't been there to actually gauge the conversation. What he did know was that Justice would take offense to that sort of insinuation, and rightly so.

But Justice's immediate shut down of the situation is frustrating as well and he sighs.]

If you do that, with anyone, then you've no chance of changing their minds. He just...isn't familiar with you, he's really only heard of you. You need time to get to know one another, no different than when you got to know the rest of us.

I did speak with him a bit on this.

He almost punched me while you were unconscious. I believe he is as familiar with me as he cares to be.

[Yeah, did he mention that? Another thing that he hadn't really thought to bring up until now (mainly because it doesn't bother him, especially in comparison to the insinuation that he'd hurt Riona). Anders' boyfriend hadn't actually punched Justice, but he had obviously wanted to very much.

Of course, Justice doesn't mention that that was after he'd tried deliberately peeking into the man's head, but that's because Justice genuinely does not understand how that might be provocative.]

If a person clearly dislikes me, is it not the kind thing to avoid them? Unnecessarily forcing my presence on him when I know how he feels seems spiteful.

[In Justice's head, it makes sense. A person does not want to be around him, so therefore, Justice won't be around him. He's still new to having friends--the idea that it might be hard for Anders if his friend and his boyfriend don't speak hasn't crossed his mind.]

If he has said otherwise to you, then tell me.

[Luckily, Wolfe had been more than willing to tell Anders about his and Justice's 'disagreement' that had resulted in Justice attempting to rifle through Wolfe's thoughts. He could imagine his lover truly had been close to outright punching the spirit.]

We did talk about it and I believe you deserve to know, in part, what was said, but I think I should point something else out to you.

The reason he nearly punched you, was it brought about when you attempted to reach into his mind. Without his permission?

[One step at a time. He should explain this one first otherwise Justice might try it again, but with someone who wouldn't be so kind as to merely seem like they were going to punch him. Maker, if Fenris had been the spirit's target...that was not a situation he wanted to allow, if he could help it.]

I did not reach into his mind. [Justice snaps, hackles immediately raising the same way they always do whenever someone implies he might be a demon.

But Anders hasn't done that once since Justice got to the Fleet, and even back home, Anders has taken pains to not hit that particular nerve again. Anders wouldn't offend him on purpose, so Justice forces his hackles down, reining in his instinct to snap some more and softening the edge in his voice.

(It's a testament to how much he's already changed since being thrown from the Fade that he tries to modulate his reaction at all.)] I listened to his mind. There is a difference.

[For Justice, the difference is clear. It's the difference between observing a piece of art and taking a box cutter to it. One is normal, and the other is invading with the intent to manipulate or destroy. If a spirit reaches into a mind without permission, it's because they're a demon looking to tear it apart.] Was that why he was angry? He thought I was tampering with his mind? I would never.

He doesn't know that. [His tone is practically pleading for Justice to understand. He couldn't explain why Wolfe might be even more prone to believing it of the spirit, but this didn't need too much to believe, at least.]

I know you wouldn't, as does Riona, but 'reaching in' is exactly what he thought, not 'listening.' He's a mage, Justice, he's lived his entire life knowing he needed to protect himself from demons in the fade. He's also not a spirit healer; for most mages, spirits aren't often what the meet from the fade, it's always demons.

[He pressed his fingers to his eyes a moment to fend off the mounting ache behind them. Maybe he should get more rest afterall.

His hand dropped and he looked back to his friend.]

Being here is no different than being among the Wardens: you can't simply read them as you would another spirit and expect them to respond favorably, especially those who come from Thedas as well. I know it's hard for you to understand, but people like having their secrets and keeping their thoughts unknown until they share them of their own volition.

Does that make sense?

Edited 2017-10-29 18:19 (UTC)

The Wardens never noticed when I was listening unless I said something. [He knows that's not the point, but this combines all the things he hates--being treated like a demon and completely failing to understand mortal rules.

He can grudgingly sympathize with the fact that Anders' boyfriend has never encountered a spirit before, and he can grudgingly sympathize with the fact that southern mages are taught from infancy to fear anything that comes out of the Fade, and he can even grudgingly sympathize with the fact that the difference between listening and reaching may not be so clear to someone who's never dealt with either, but sympathizing and not feeling indignant about it are two different things. Velanna wasn't a spirit healer, and she warmed up to him well enough (or as much as Velanna warms up to anyone). If she could do that, why can't Anders' boyfriend?

But Justice tries to not dismiss it out of hand. Obviously, this is important to Anders, so Justice will put in the effort to discuss it.]

This secrecy does not make sense to me, and even if it did, there is little I can do about it. I cannot turn off my ability to hear things any more than you can turn off your ears. You mortals tend to think very loudly.

[Justice can avoid paying attention to thoughts like a human can tune out someone else's conversation, but that doesn't mean he can't still hear them. And even then, he doesn't see why he should deliberately ignore all the things he hears when people are loudly thinking about them. Listening in to Anders' boyfriend's thoughts feels no more wrong than deliberately eavesdropping on a loud conversation in the other room.]

If it makes him feel better, I could not hear anything specific beyond his feelings at the time. The object they attached to my head interferes with my sensing at random intervals. [Which is... frustrating.] I understand that most mortals find me frightening or disturbing, mages especially. I know they have good reason to fear what lives in the Fade. But I do not enjoy being treated as an unwelcome intrusion at best, nor a demon lying in wait at worst.

[And honestly, that's how he feels around Anders' boyfriend, like even when he isn't doing or saying anything, the man just wants him gone. It's not an active hostility, but Justice would almost prefer that. It's easy for Justice to defend himself against yelling or fists, but that quiet and persistent sense that someone wants him to just disappear is uncomfortable and he doesn't want to be around it.]

I know. I'm sorry, I know it's not fair. You deserve to be given a chance to meet people and let them get to know you without all of that extra prejudice in the background. For the most part, I think you'll find that here, while there are a lot of Thedosians in the fleet, there's even more who know nothing about spirits or Thedas or any of it, I don't think you'll have nearly as hard a time with them.

[He sighed and put his hands up in surrender. With the gaping hole in Justice's context, there was just no good way to explain any of this in a way that was easy. And Anders trying to insist either party work with each other any more than necessary wasn't fair to them. That selfish desire to have everyone he cared about be at ease with each other was a childish wish. It stood to reason that Justice and Hawke might never see eye-to-eye simply because they didn't mix well.]

He said he would try, but I can't ask either of you to work at something neither of you wants, if it's easier to simply not talk to each other, then I'd rather the two of you do that instead of rub each other the wrong way simply because I ask it.

[And, frankly, he was tired of this dispute, this game of tug-of-war on both sides.

[Justice crosses his arms, frowning at Anders. He's tempted to just take this concession and leave it at that. Anders' boyfriend clearly doesn't like him, and Justice can't say he's developed many fond feelings for the man either, so it only makes logical sense that they just not talk. Justice has already long since accepted that he won't make many friends among mortals, and he's happy with the few he does have.

But this is clearly important to Anders, and Anders is important to Justice. He doesn't understand it, but he doesn't understand many things about mortals. Anders makes the effort to accommodate Justice, even if he doesn't always understand spirits--isn't it only fair that Justice put in the same effort?

Justice sighs through his nose, an entirely superfluous gesture that he must have picked up in Vigil's Keep. Probably from Nathaniel.]

If he tries, then I will as well. I will forgive past slights and attempt to not unsettle him so going forward. [Justice knows that he'll put Anders' boyfriend on edge anyway, since that seems to just be mortals' natural reactions to him, but Justice will try to not do things he knows mortals don't like. Maybe it will be enough to salvage a working relationship.

There, look, he's going to try. Can Anders not look so unhappy now?]

[Anders can feel the relief flood him more than it should. He would understand if they simply couldn't mesh very well together and had to take some space from each other for the most part, but he couldn't deny that he was grateful for at least the attempt. If they were still at each other's throats even after, then Anders could accept it simply wasn't going to be an easy time and go from there.]

Thank you, Justice. I know it isn't easy for you, I appreciate you're willing to try. [He's got a small but relieved smile on his face, that's less unhappy, right?]

[Justice really, really hopes that Anders' boyfriend meant it when he said he would try, because he will not be able to just take any more insinuations that he's dangerous. No matter how much he wants to make Anders happy, Justice has limits.

But Anders is smiling, so it's worth the effort. Justice will give it a shot. Maybe Anders is right and the man just needs time to get used to the idea of having a spirit around. Justice is ready to try if that's what it takes to make Anders happy.]

If we both try, I do not see why it cannot work. [It's not like they have to be best friends. If Justice puts effort into not unsettling Anders' boyfriend, and Anders' boyfriend puts effort into not treating Justice like a bomb waiting to go off in Anders and Riona's laps, then their main sources of conflict would disappear. Justice won't hold the man's earlier slights against him as long as he tries going forward.]

It is not as though my first impressions have not been wrong in the past.

[After all, Justice judged Anders hard when they first met in the Fade during the conflict with the Baronness. It would have been hard to imagine being so close to him when they first met, but Justice wouldn't give up their friendship for the world now. Who's to say that he can't be surprised again?]

Thank you. [He knows he's said it twice, but he meant it. He really didn't have any right to ask this of either of them, but it was important to him. There weren't very many people he cared about quite so much. To have those few people fighting each other was less than ideal.

He smiled, his tone teasing even as the smile was genuine.]

You are rather quick to judge people, sometimes.

Now, come on, help me finish and store these potions real quick.

Perhaps sometimes.

[Justice allows, warmth and a little bit of amusement in his eyes. Anders is smiling, and Justice can't be offended by him telling the truth.

He settles in to help Anders with the potions, pleased to just share his friend's company. If this is what it takes to make Anders happy, he will try to be good with his boyfriend going forward. What's the worst that can happen?]

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