driftfleet | Video. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOU

Who: Edwin Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist, or visit him at The Melting Pot if you'd like, aboard the Iskaulit!
When: After they leave the spooky cannibal planet.

[It has been... the longest few months in his entire life, or maybe competes with the top months. The prior month particularly, and that's not even counting being stranded on a planet full of cannibals. Regardless, Jarvis has been kind of... working on keeping things together. It does nobody any good if he openly mopes or worries -- he has The Melting Pot to tend to, better stocked now since Lyuku. He tries not to seem too distracted there. And The Tourist will, of course, continue to have its routine offered breakfasts and dinners...! He's not one to give in on his usual duties just because something's dampening his spirits.

One morning, he finds a crate in the Tourist's cargo bay, and dreads the fact that his name is written on the shipping label. The last time he'd actually opened one of these, it had been... flamingos. Plastic flamingos that inadvertently turned into a galactic fashion statement. He will not make the same mistake again...!!! He shows up on his feed, hand on his hip, looking displeased.]

I don't know if you've noticed, but...!! There's a rather large box here for me in the cargo bay. When have these ever been a good thing, I implore you to inform me? I've learned quite a number of things through life here. One -- don't fiddle with your augment implant. Two -- people can apparently survive being asleep for ungodly periods of time, and three -- do not trust anything the Atroma send you! I'm not falling for it aga--

[There's a sudden explosion of confetti, the walls of the crate falling open as Jarvis yelps in a high and rather unflattering timbre, and behind him stands a cake nearly his height -- with HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY in huge letters, as well as a banner that subtitles: sorry about being trapped on a cannibal planet. Jarvis leaps back to standing upright, adjusting his riled tie and crooked reading glasses -- and looking alarmed. And covered in confetti.]

... Dear god no.

[NO NOT HIS BIRTHDAY]

That--

That is the most hazardous and ugliest cake I've ever seen in my life!!

[Oh, come on, Jarvis, it's not that--

Ohmyword.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... True enough.

[He's not even gonna argue that.]

I don't suppose you're relieved to be a candelabra and not a small birthday candle.

Well, I have less concern with people eating me like this. But 'relieved' might be a strong word.

[Because if he was gonna pick a form he'd much rather have his own body back. It has all the BEST parts.]

...I would be careful when eating that, who knows what is actually in it.

[He's not saying Atroma could hide a corpse in there but he's thinking it pretty damn strongly. ]

[He makes a face.]

Must you remind me...? [He was gonna apologize for his poor wording, but you've gone and reminded him of cannibals and whatnot. He stares with a frown, rubbing his chin.] I'll have to find someone who can test the... normalness of this cake.

After all, you know how hard it is to come across actual material for cake, let alone one already made.

[He is not sorry, he doesn't want you eating People Cake accidentally, friend. ]

Perhaps one of the labs can test it?

[He says this only having the most basic ideas of what SCIENCE????? can do.]

It is almost impossible! Would it kill them to give us a little actual ingredients once in a while?

Surely they can! We're floating in space! Anything is possible.

[... Except finding good cake.]

I shudder to imagine if we go without a planet or waystation for much longer.

We'll have to serve sugar cubes and water!

Very true, wonders never cease.

...Oh no, we can't have anything so dire as that. Could you imagine something so awful? The worst possible thing, that.

[Lumière everyone was just on a cannibal planet, get some perspective, honey.]

We'd have to rename the bistro "The Sugar Water". It would be a disaster.

[Who needs perspective when you can weep over sugar cubes and water.]

No one would come here for that, Jarvis. No one.

[It's a big thing to weep over okay. ]

[He sighs.]

I did at least have emergency dishes that could be created from what they provide on ships... but none of it is exemplary. We should, however, keep a stiff upper lip -- if worse comes to worse, perhaps you can finally have more performances at the bistro.

To distract from the sugar and water.

[Okay, that absolutely gets a laugh out of him. ]

How very English of you, mon ami. You really should spend some more time with Cogsworth, you'd probably really enjoy one another's company.

Still, I will bear that in mind, I can, at least, be very distracting.

Cogsworth! Your clock-shaped friend, correct? I'm sure we'd get along swimmingly...!

[Though, Jarvis is pretty much if you took Lumiere and Cogsworth and smashed 'em together.]

And indeed, a distraction is sometimes paramount to one's health.

That's him. And yes... you absolutely would.

[That is exactly what Jarvis is. ]

It is! A happy mind is just as important as anything else.

Video. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOU

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