Video. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOU

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Edwin Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist, or visit him at The Melting Pot if you'd like, aboard the Iskaulit!
When: After they leave the spooky cannibal planet.

[It has been... the longest few months in his entire life, or maybe competes with the top months. The prior month particularly, and that's not even counting being stranded on a planet full of cannibals. Regardless, Jarvis has been kind of... working on keeping things together. It does nobody any good if he openly mopes or worries -- he has The Melting Pot to tend to, better stocked now since Lyuku. He tries not to seem too distracted there. And The Tourist will, of course, continue to have its routine offered breakfasts and dinners...! He's not one to give in on his usual duties just because something's dampening his spirits.

One morning, he finds a crate in the Tourist's cargo bay, and dreads the fact that his name is written on the shipping label. The last time he'd actually opened one of these, it had been... flamingos. Plastic flamingos that inadvertently turned into a galactic fashion statement. He will not make the same mistake again...!!! He shows up on his feed, hand on his hip, looking displeased.]

I don't know if you've noticed, but...!! There's a rather large box here for me in the cargo bay. When have these ever been a good thing, I implore you to inform me? I've learned quite a number of things through life here. One -- don't fiddle with your augment implant. Two -- people can apparently survive being asleep for ungodly periods of time, and three -- do not trust anything the Atroma send you! I'm not falling for it aga--

[There's a sudden explosion of confetti, the walls of the crate falling open as Jarvis yelps in a high and rather unflattering timbre, and behind him stands a cake nearly his height -- with HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY in huge letters, as well as a banner that subtitles: sorry about being trapped on a cannibal planet. Jarvis leaps back to standing upright, adjusting his riled tie and crooked reading glasses -- and looking alarmed. And covered in confetti.]

... Dear god no.

[NO NOT HIS BIRTHDAY]

That--

That is the most hazardous and ugliest cake I've ever seen in my life!!

[Oh, come on, Jarvis, it's not that--



Ohmyword.]

Comments

video.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Now that the planet situation has calmed down, Thor has finally gotten around to using the communicator. Naturally, this is the first broadcast he catches in real time. The explosion of confetti certainly makes him take notice. Is that just how everything is announced around here?]

Maybe the journey in the crate didn't agree with it.

[It does look kind of... wonky. But not that bad.]

video.

[edwinjarvis]

[He rubs a hand down his face.]

Well, usually it's wise to not put a tiered cake in an old rickety crate to begin with.

Good god, it's leaning.

video

[freeroam]

[ honestly, she mostly ignores the broadcast, listening and watching only close enough to find out if there's anything in it that'll pique her interest.

cake. it's the word cake that pulls her full attention toward the screen ]

Cake is cake. Who cares what it looks like!

video

[edwinjarvis]

Not so!! Good cake is an art, and this art is elementary.

[He has to go grab a light candle that's nearly fallen to the floor.]

... And is currently a fire hazard. How on earth did they keep them lit...

private video »

[mucked]

Happy belated birthday, dear Mister Jarvis.

[ things have been dreadful, yes. but there's something in the way his incredulity marches onward which reminds peggy that they must not allow themselves to falter. no matter what has transpired. ]

private video » 1/2

[edwinjarvis]

[He groooooans.]

Surely there are better things to celebrate.

private video »

[edwinjarvis]

Oh!! Like our continued survival!

Video

[whatisright]

[Justice does know a bit about birthday celebrations--he does have some of Kristoff's memories, after all--but he has one main question...]

Is that meant to be on fire?

[Why would you put fire on your food, mortals? Or maybe that's what the helpful man meant by 'hazardous'.]

Video

[edwinjarvis]

Unfortunately so, Mr. Justice... Unfortunately so.

[He wags his hand at it, unsure how to say it.]

It's rather... lacking in grace, the whole set-up. But candles are usually meant to be blown out by the person who everyone is celebrating for.

[Video]

[padadin]

[That... is a huge cake. But it doesn't look THAT bad to him, honestly.]

I got lion plushies in my first box, so they aren't always bad. Happy birthday, Jarvis.

[Video]

[edwinjarvis]

... Thank you, Mr. Shirogane. It's -- Well, I won't thank them for scaring the daylights out of me.

But it's... something. I'd forgotten what day it even was, really.

Action

[wolfuncaged]

[Fenris comes running in, sword drawn after the fucking explosion, battle prepared and ready to fight whatever is attacking Jarvis. He stops dead in his tracks at the sight of all the confetti and that giant ass cake. Slowly he lowers his sword. ]

...I honestly don't know why I'm even surprised any more.

Action

[edwinjarvis]

[Oh--!! He nearly jumps at the new arrival, but then -- well, Fenris + sword? To be expected.

He pats some confetti off his shoulder, frowning deeply.]

They're probably so very proud of themselves.

Video;

[servantnotserving]

[That's quite the cake there, boss :|]

Uh.

Bon anniversaire, all the same, Jarvis. It is...considerate of them to not forget?

Video;

[edwinjarvis]

And to scare the everloving dickens out of me, yes.

[THERE'S NO MIDDLE GROUND.]

All for -- goodness, Mr. Lumière, have you seen a more gaudy cake!

Action

[wolfehawke]

[Wolfe was busy elsewhere when the explosion happened - mostly because an explosion out in space on a ship could mean a hole and fuck if he's getting sucked out into the Void - but he does come to the hold later (once he's sure they're not all gonna die) to see what all the commotion was about.]

That's... certainly something.

[He counts candles for a moment.]

You're turning 30?

Action 1/3

[edwinjarvis]

[He laughs, nearly, looking so very amused.]

Why, of course not! 30's too young for--

video

[passingthrough]

...Okay, but how does it taste? [Going right to the heart of the matter.]

video 1/2

[edwinjarvis]

Probably atrocious! Probably poisonous--!

[He takes a dab of it with his finger, boldly, and eats it.]

The icing is probably as disgusting as it look--

[goldkiss]

I was going to try to look on the bright side that someone thought of you, but... no. No, that is pretty bad.

[edwinjarvis]

Finally, someone with some sense!! It's an atrocity, Mr. Nikiforov!

I see no bright side under the shadow of this behemoth...

video

[bryces_pup]

[Well that's...

Yeah.

Sorry Jarvis, but Riona's laughing a bit.]

Apparently birthday cakes don't travel very well. But happy belated birthday!

video

[edwinjarvis]

[Darn, you gotta take some of the wind out of his grumpy sails!]

... I do appreciate it, Miss Cousland, thank you.

Someone should probably tell them mailing food is a terribly dangerous and messy idea.

[universal_charm]

<sub>[ Explosions area bad thing, even with confetti. Maybe especially with confetti. Like glitter, it simply got everywhere and you never quite got rid of it. Damn. He comes down to inspect things when he gets the alert of Jarvis' post, really hoping there isn't anything to horrid happening because honestly they did not need it. He might actually scream for once.

He makes his way to where Jarvis is and stops, taking in the scene in front of him, for a long moment. ]</sub>

But where are the flamingos?

[edwinjarvis]

There shall be no flamingos allowed aboard this ship. I override your captainhood.

[Of course he doesn't expect that to work, but it needed to be complained about.]

I've sinned enough bringing them into play.

video!

[poisontippedcure]

[For the first time since planet: cannibal, Rose chuckles. That is one awful-looking cake, for sure.]

I'm impressed that it's still standing. I would be wary of eating it though, considering where we just were.

[No matter the context, 'cannibal' is not a word you want to find anywhere near a birthday cake.]

video!

[edwinjarvis]

Correct assessment, indeed. I'll have someone run tests before it's eaten.

[Science is a magical thing.]

After all, we don't want to waste this much food, either.

Video;

[postocular]

That's uh.. quite a cake. Doesn't look like it survived the trip very well, though.

Happy birthday though, Mister Jarvis.

Video;

[edwinjarvis]

Perhaps we should write to them and use a postal service properly, so they know to not send unpackaged food through it. Next thing you know, they'll be shipping in raw pounds of bacon. Or milk that's entirely curdled.

video

[tempredmental]

[Jarvis, too, huh? Keith looked amused.]

Nice cake.

video

[edwinjarvis]

...... Nice, is it.

[He's giving you a judgmental glance. Please don't tell him you're being genuine.]

Action

[apurrstate]

[An explosion usually means someone is hurt, so Anders was in the cargo bay as soon as humanly possible.

Luckily, what greeted him seemed less a catastrophe and more a....caketastrophe.]

Um...right. Perhaps if you blow out all the candles it'll fall over and the roombas can clean it up?

Action

[edwinjarvis]

[He crosses his arms and looks like Anders had practically told him to jump into it.]

Blow out the candles? And be eternally cursed by the Atroma somehow?

Imagine the smug looks on their faces!

[speedboat]

[ ........did he really forget jarvis' birthday? while they were in cannibal land no less? he feels like the worst friend ever right now, even if watching jarvis get cross with the terribly crafted cake makes him love him all the more. how can one man be so damn endearing, honestly. ]

Do you think it's poison? [ because as far as it goes, this is actually kind of a nice gesture for their captors? they probably just did it to piss him off with the leany cake tho, he knows. ]

[edwinjarvis]

... I don't think it is.

[He prods it with a finger. What, it's his cake, he can poke it if he damn well wants.

Don't even remotely feel bad about forgetting his birthday; he wanted it erased from memory, thanks.]

Do you want to try and test it for toxicity?