Edwin Jarvis (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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driftfleet2017-11-17 10:10 pm
edwinjarvis) wrote in driftfleet2017-11-17 10:10 pm
Video. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOU
Who: Edwin Jarvis and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist, or visit him at The Melting Pot if you'd like, aboard the Iskaulit!
When: After they leave the spooky cannibal planet.
[It has been... the longest few months in his entire life, or maybe competes with the top months. The prior month particularly, and that's not even counting being stranded on a planet full of cannibals. Regardless, Jarvis has been kind of... working on keeping things together. It does nobody any good if he openly mopes or worries -- he has The Melting Pot to tend to, better stocked now since Lyuku. He tries not to seem too distracted there. And The Tourist will, of course, continue to have its routine offered breakfasts and dinners...! He's not one to give in on his usual duties just because something's dampening his spirits.
One morning, he finds a crate in the Tourist's cargo bay, and dreads the fact that his name is written on the shipping label. The last time he'd actually opened one of these, it had been... flamingos. Plastic flamingos that inadvertently turned into a galactic fashion statement. He will not make the same mistake again...!!! He shows up on his feed, hand on his hip, looking displeased.]
I don't know if you've noticed, but...!! There's a rather large box here for me in the cargo bay. When have these ever been a good thing, I implore you to inform me? I've learned quite a number of things through life here. One -- don't fiddle with your augment implant. Two -- people can apparently survive being asleep for ungodly periods of time, and three -- do not trust anything the Atroma send you! I'm not falling for it aga--
[There's a sudden explosion of confetti, the walls of the crate falling open as Jarvis yelps in a high and rather unflattering timbre, and behind him stands a cake nearly his height -- with HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY in huge letters, as well as a banner that subtitles: sorry about being trapped on a cannibal planet. Jarvis leaps back to standing upright, adjusting his riled tie and crooked reading glasses -- and looking alarmed. And covered in confetti.]
... Dear god no.
[NO NOT HIS BIRTHDAY]
That--
That is the most hazardous and ugliest cake I've ever seen in my life!!
[Oh, come on, Jarvis, it's not that--
Ohmyword.]
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist, or visit him at The Melting Pot if you'd like, aboard the Iskaulit!
When: After they leave the spooky cannibal planet.
[It has been... the longest few months in his entire life, or maybe competes with the top months. The prior month particularly, and that's not even counting being stranded on a planet full of cannibals. Regardless, Jarvis has been kind of... working on keeping things together. It does nobody any good if he openly mopes or worries -- he has The Melting Pot to tend to, better stocked now since Lyuku. He tries not to seem too distracted there. And The Tourist will, of course, continue to have its routine offered breakfasts and dinners...! He's not one to give in on his usual duties just because something's dampening his spirits.
One morning, he finds a crate in the Tourist's cargo bay, and dreads the fact that his name is written on the shipping label. The last time he'd actually opened one of these, it had been... flamingos. Plastic flamingos that inadvertently turned into a galactic fashion statement. He will not make the same mistake again...!!! He shows up on his feed, hand on his hip, looking displeased.]
I don't know if you've noticed, but...!! There's a rather large box here for me in the cargo bay. When have these ever been a good thing, I implore you to inform me? I've learned quite a number of things through life here. One -- don't fiddle with your augment implant. Two -- people can apparently survive being asleep for ungodly periods of time, and three -- do not trust anything the Atroma send you! I'm not falling for it aga--
[There's a sudden explosion of confetti, the walls of the crate falling open as Jarvis yelps in a high and rather unflattering timbre, and behind him stands a cake nearly his height -- with HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY in huge letters, as well as a banner that subtitles: sorry about being trapped on a cannibal planet. Jarvis leaps back to standing upright, adjusting his riled tie and crooked reading glasses -- and looking alarmed. And covered in confetti.]
... Dear god no.
[NO NOT HIS BIRTHDAY]
That--
That is the most hazardous and ugliest cake I've ever seen in my life!!
[Oh, come on, Jarvis, it's not that--
Ohmyword.]
Action
Luckily, what greeted him seemed less a catastrophe and more a....caketastrophe.]
Um...right. Perhaps if you blow out all the candles it'll fall over and the roombas can clean it up?
Action
Blow out the candles? And be eternally cursed by the Atroma somehow?
Imagine the smug looks on their faces!
Action
[He can't help but laugh.]
My dear man, I don't think they could curse you any worse than just being here, could they? Unless you think blowing those out might cause you to regress in age or...who knows, turn into a dog, Maker forbid.
Action
Though I have been regressed in age before... I don't recommend it.
Action
I would not wish for it again. Maybe you have a point.
[He gave the cake careful consideration.]
I could strike it with lightening?
Action
No, I will test it and make sure of its safety; no need to waste so much food, in a place where good food is agonizingly difficult to come by. But if I fall over or turn into something strange, please ring a doctor immediately.
Action
[A brief pause.]
You know, I can't help but feel as though I'm getting mixed messages. Are you pleased by the cake or horrified?
Action
[good job jarv]
Perhaps I'm a little of both.
It's hard to feel as utterly disdainful of the Atroma as usual when it seems to be a genuinely regular birthday dessert.