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Who: Leilani Lavellan and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: On the Blue Fish
When: Now, after gifts have been opened!

[ The video opens with Leilani fiddling with something in her hands, but she's quick to turn her attention to the camera and focus on the people she's talking to. She's well practiced at the art of focussing her attention on people rather than things; the Inquisition had demanded it from her, and she barely had any time of her own. No time for worries or fears or sadness; only work and fighting for whatever future Thedas had left. ]

In my clan we did not celebrate the winter as the rest of the world did. I didn't recognise that there were different celebrations until I became the Inquisitor, and then it felt as though I was pretending to understand something that was completely alien to me.

[ Frowning, she drops the necklace from her hands. ]

I'd like to know more about your traditions, if you'll appease me. I've never had much time to sit and talk about these sorts of things, so anything that you might be able to tell me would be welcome. There is always time to learn something new.

[ It also distracts her, so it's a welcome relief. ]

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When I was young, Satinalia was basically the only time I couldn't refuse to attend Chantry services even when I was old enough to tend the fields. The feast was always good though, even if we had to be careful.

[He muses quietly for a moment before smiling some.]

I'm actually more interested in what the Dalish do for a winter holiday. Merrill's clan didn't really share their tradition, whatever it was. She ended up sharing ours, which in Kirkwall consisted of a great deal of drink so I don't much remember the rest. I think I may have climbed the Hanged Man's sign in my smalls one year. Thankfully the Free Marches are a lot warmer than Ferelden.

It must have been difficult for you.

[ She was First to the Keeper, but there had been other mages in the Clan that had to be sent elsewhere; there was no space for more than one, and Leilani had said a few sad farewells in her time. The pressure of magic is something she can recognise and understand, at least. ]

It depends on how close we are to big cities, though we try to time our travels with the days where trade is most open. We send prayers to the Creators and spend time with the people closest to us. [ Most of the Dalish holidays are remembrance and quiet thought rather than grand celebrations; grandeur doesn't exist when you live a life of hunting and barely-there trade. ] I have never climbed a tavern in my smalls, however.

[She gets a kindly shrug for her sympathy. He finds it a little strange to receive that from an elf when he's met so many who are bitter the plight of The People whether the Dalish or in cities, but that marks her as a kind person and the world needs more of those.]

It was what it was. It could have been far worse, could have been in the Circle. And I wouldn't recommend climbing things without clothes. You'd be amazed at what can chafe without you realizing.

[ She's sympathetic because she can understand; mages are tolerated in the Dales, but it's still difficult to be traded around like cattle. ]

I don't even want to imagine. [ Her nose wrinkles. ] Do you have any plans here? With clothes on, I assume?

I think Riona is going to throw some sort of party at some point, and people from Earth have this Christmas thing coming up that's rather fun. Earth certainly has a great many holidays in the winter it seems to me.

Christmas. I shall have to ask about it. [ She hums, thoughtful. ] I am going to the party, however. It seems quite exciting.

I'll make sure to bring the Wicked Grace cards, then it's sure to be exciting.

[Somewhere between the lavish parties he'd attended in Kirkwall for the season and the simple and warm celebrations of the rural countryside. It will be better for every guest in attendance to be someone he actually knows personally instead of that noble from the other end of Hightown who may have made his fortune on the backs of slaves but he doesn't have proof, or the shifty-eyed farmboy who would sell them out to the Templars in a heartbeat. He'll be glad to not have that drama.]

Gatherings are never boring when Wicked Grace is involved. It's a shame Varric and Josie aren't here.

[ Mostly because Varric was a riot and Josie was so damn good at the game it was actually terrifying. ]

[Josephine he doesn't know all that well but Leilani says Varric's name and ever night at the Hanged Man comes back in a jumble. Every joke, every story, every scratch of pen to paper hits him like a wave and he's momentarily overcome with the sense of the dwarf's absence. Varric and his sense of humor and his sense of business and his plain sense in a world that had it in short supply and where sometimes without him sense wasn't to be had at all. Varric who had protected him until he couldn't, who probably shouldn't have for even as long as he did but Hawke is grateful all the same.

He always forgets Inquisitors know Varric, forgets he's not the only one who's benefited from that sensible advice and stalwart friendship.]

Yes. It's a shame. I think he'd want us to play on without him though, share stories and the like.

[ Leilani had been close with Varric and had trusted him deeply; he had been there when the world had been changing, stalwart and brave, strong and always ready to lighten the mood, and she feels the loss of him keenly. Perhaps not as much as Hawke feels it, but something similar, an ache inside of her. It's the same loss of the Iron Bull, of Cole, of others that she cannot name for fear of hurting herself all the more, and she breathes out gently. ]

Only because he'd want to hear them when he's with us again.

More like lift them wholesale to pad his next book.

[He smiles as he criticizes though. Varric's tendency to write from life is a wonderful thing. Moments in time solidified into pages with the dwarf's uncanny ability to keep the feeling of those moments intact. Still, it does make Hawke worry just a bit. Varric always wrote himself out unless he was hiding something. Maybe there was a bit of ego, but Tale of the Champion for the most part had very little in the way of appearances from Varric other than where Bartrand was concerned. Even then, Varric downplayed how difficult it had all actually been for him. And then to get mixed up in the Inquisition wholesale? And he still protected Adalwolfe to the near detriment of that cause...

"I didn't want to bother you, Waffles," Varric looked at Hawke wryly, standing there in the hallway to Skyhold's war room. Snow sifted in gently from where the wall hadn't yet been repaired.

"Don't try to distract me with that nickname, Chesty." Adalwolfe retorted. Varric let out a groan.

"You're about as creative as Junior when it comes to nicknames, you know that?"

"I'm serious, Varric. Why didn't you call me sooner?" Hawke's hands go to his hips, indignant not for the insult but the attempt at misdirection.

"I was trying to protect you."

Hawke snorts. "Varric, I think I can handle the Seeker. And as for Coryph-"

"I meant from yourself. Maker's teeth, Hawke, anything happens and you're right there ready to just run headfirst into trouble! Maybe I thought you needed a break. You've done enough."

"Apparently not." He sighs, letting his head knock back against the wall.

Silence settles between them for a moment. Varric regards him with a weight he doesn't usually show. Remorse. Guilt. "Yeah. Apparently not."

Tired and preoccupied with the false Calling and red lyrium and having not taken care of Corypheus as he felt he should have as he was Adalwolfe had missed how he'd wounded his friend at the time. And after the Fade... well, he was in no state to address it after that. It was water under the bridge between them anyway, as close as they were. Varric knew Wolfe didn't mean to lay blame on him.

Or he hopes he knew.]

How was he, with the Inquisition? He wouldn't tell me, not really. You know how he is, "the author can't be a character in his own stories, that's just navel gazing."

[It's actually a fairly good impression of Varric he makes, though the sound of Hawke trying to bury his Ferelden accent is jarring at best.]

Something like that.

[ She can't lie, though. She had been close enough with Varric, close enough to know him - she had been on so many journeys with him, so many wanders through marshes and towns... And, yet... How much of himself did Varric keep private?

More than she could guess, she imagines. ]

He was happy, sometimes. He liked being around so many people, and having something to do. He had something to focus on, a cause to push himself towards. I think he blamed himself sometimes, too, for the Red Lyrium, for Corypheus, for keeping Hawke - you - a secret. It was hard for him, but...

[ She sighs, softly. ]

He was happy. More often than not.

[A cause? Now that's new. Other than coin or making morons pay, Adalwolfe hadn't known Varric to have a cause. But he was there too when they'd freed Corypheus, and what Leilani says checks out. He knows Varric courts guilt the same way he courts fans.]

I'm glad to hear it. He shouldn't have to take on that guilt. Corypheus should have been my burden to bear.

[He shakes his head.]

I'm sorry he became yours.

Corpyheus was not your fault.

[ That, at least, she can say, and the way she says it is filled with the conviction of someone who knows the truth. She knows who truly made Corypheus a problem, and her hand and her necklace burn in tandem with one another even as she frowns, soured, just a little.

She glances away, trying to dodge the topic even as she tackles it face on. ]

I know what gave him the strength to do as he did. It was nothing that you nor any version of you could have stopped. Do not feel guilt for it, please.

[Oh how wrong you are you sweet summer child. Or at least that's what Adalwolfe thinks.]

I see Varric didn't give you the whole story. I understand why.

[He sighs, flexing his hands out of view of the feed.]

Corypheus couldn't have been freed at all if it weren't for my blood. My father was the one who sealed him, I was the one who undid that seal. If I'd known it would end up like it did, I swear I never would have tried to leave that damned prison. So, it's kind of you to say I shouldn't feel guilt but there it is. Blood of the Hawke freed Corypheus and nearly ended the world.

[Why does he always end up doing this, spilling his truths to the very people who would hate him most for it?]

Corypheus would never have been strong enough to do what he did if my lover had not given him the power to do it.

[ And there it is. She shakes her head, frowning, her attention turning to one side. ]

He would have found a way, even if you had not been there. The fault is not only yours to bear, Hawke. Perhaps you were responsible for freeing him, but you were not responsible for giving him the power he needed to carry out some of his plans. That is not your burden to bear.

[That's news. Her lover? Someone had betrayed the Inquisition? But Adalwolfe doesn't want to pry, not about that. Or at least not yet. His Lavellan is bedding the Qunari and so he expects Leilani paired herself to someone fairer. He and Marian had romanced different people, as did Riona and Rowen, so it serves to reason all the Lavellans would be different too. He should probably find out who it was and maybe try to warn his own Inquisition should he ever get back, but... well. He doesn't want to make it worse for Leilani now.]

Both of us, then. I can't promise I don't feel responsible but shared guilt is easier, at least.

[He pauses.]

I'm sorry to have pressed something so distressing.

[ It's a touchy subject and as soon as she's said it all she feels a little bit like the weight is off her chest and she practically deflates. She has never been a fan of people suffering under burdens that they should be free from, and Corypheus is a touchy nerve - for obvious reasons. Bowing her head, she closes her eyes, shaking just a little. ]

He is dead. We killed him - Corypheus. He won't be bothering anyone again.

[ She hopes, at least. The Whispers from the Well had been helpful on that count, and Leilani can do no more than offer a very weak smile. ]

It's not a wound that will heal any time soon. Don't worry.

So I hear from other versions of Thedas as well. It's a comfort to know that happens in more than one.

[Gives him hope for his.]

And wounds that don't heal are always cause for concern, Lady Inquisitor. Maybe being in the fleet and having distance will help? It's done wonders for me.

[Which is the closest he can get to admitting he doesn't want to go back at all to anyone besides his closest confidants.]

It was the reason the Inquisition was made. Our job was to close the Breach and stop Corypheus.

[ And they did both those things; she can understand why people thought that it would disband after that. All the same...

Leaning back, Leilani shakes her head, offering a slightly less morose smile. ]

My name is Leilani. I've never been very good with titles. [ But she shakes her head. ] Distance would only help if the matter was closed.

[It shouldn't have been if Wolfe had just done his job, but they could go on in circles for decades and never solve the argument so he lets it go.

He does know her name too, but he supposes she's telling him again to make a point about not liking her title.]

Is it not? I'm sorry, the Inquisitor Levellan from my Thedas was a very different person. Male, for one, so I expect he made different choices when it came to romance.

[Qunari, of all things. He doesn't even want to think of how that worked logistically. Or maybe he does. And has. Often.]

[ Leilani accepts that it happened and that, in the end, there was someone else who was to blame for the strength that Corypheus grew to. It has very little to do with Hawke's involvement - and who can defeat an immortal-esque Magister alone, anyway?

That makes her smile, at least, and she nods her head. ]

I'm almost afraid to ask.

The Iron Bull?

[Just let that sink in for a moment. ~~Gianni sure did~~.]

He's a nice enough guy. Excellent views on dragons and drinking, don't get me wrong, he's just...

[Uhh....]

Well I guess who wouldn't be at least a little curious?

Oh, Bull.

[ She just grins, shaking her head. ]

I do not blame him. I was curious myself - very curious.

Really?

[What is it with these tiny elves and enormous Qunari????]

I'm not sure I want to know.

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