February System Mingle

[thespaceopera]

Who: EVERYONE!!!
Broadcast: Possibly
Action: The Shinda BR-10 System
When: The fleet will be in this system from 1/26 to 2/23



Welcome to the Shinda system! There are three explorable planets here - Duotera, Ebrion, and Philias - each with its own current temperature state. Get out there and see the sights - but do please prepare for the extreme weather as necessary!

→ More system info is here!

Comments

[whatisright]

After everything he's been through, it is unfair to ask him to help me parse through my own thoughts on the matter.

[And besides, what will Anders say? 'Yes, you should kill yourself?' Justice knows Anders well enough to know exactly what he wants Justice to decide, but that decision wouldn't be based on right or wrong. It would be based on Anders' ill-considered affection for Justice.

And here Justice goes in his circle again. He closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. It's a human gesture that he's unconsciously picked up, one that helps steady him when he starts stuttering on this decision all over again. The knowledge that Anders is hurting tears at him, but he just doesn't know what to do about it. He feels powerless, paralyzed by the guilt of knowing that he was the one who did it, and he might be able to fix it, or he might simply make things worse.]

I do not know if speaking with me will alleviate his pain.

[wolfehawke]

You're both being such cowards I earnestly don't know which is worse.

[He snaps. It's rare, in talking to people, that Adalwolfe will snap and be downright insulting, but this all seems terribly stupid to him.]

You're not going to decide to end yourself. If you were, you'd have done it already. Justice is swift, this is the opposite. And Anders, he's afraid of what you'll say but considering what I've just illuminated to you - which should have been obvious - he has no reason to fear.

[He folds his arms, looking stubbornly at the spirit.]

It's all entirely academic at this point regardless. Spirit or not, you can't die here. Not with Atroma watching. They've brought spirits back before, apparently. And moreover, when - not if, but when as it stands now - you're sent back, you won't remember any of this anyway. It's all moot. The only thing you can do is apologize so you both can move on and stop dancing around each other like overdramatic teen girls. It may not be for you, but it all amounts to the same thing; what's done is done, what will be will be, and the control you have is over how you deal with it interpersonally. And you bloody well start dealing with it.

[He presses his index finger against Justice's chest.]

Because if I have to fight Anders on his attempts to waste away to nothing in his depression for another stretch of years, I'm sure well going to blame you and just how far your head is up your own ass.

[whatisright]

[It's not the accusation of cowardice that makes Justice flinch, nor is it the suggestion that he cannot stay dead, nor is it even the assertion that there's no real possibility that he will kill himself. It's the implication that not only has he possibly hurt Anders for years to come with his response, but that Anders was hurt similarly by him in the past.

Justice's expressions aren't hugely obvious, but they're impossible to miss for those who actually know him. He doesn't puff up or try to defend himself. Instead, his shoulders drop an inch, his gaze turning down to the ground, his fingers going completely still in Loyalty's fur. This sudden lack of petting makes Loyalty rumble unhappily, turning to nudge her head under Justice's hand, but he doesn't seem to notice.]

Did he try to waste away after destroying the Chantry?

[Justice's voice is soft when he asks. Anders didn't say much about his personal reaction to what happened, possibly because he didn't want to upset Justice any more than he already had.

Justice wants to fix it. He wants to fix all the ways he's hurt Anders, but he doesn't know how. He doesn't know if dying will retroactively fix it. If he knew, he'd die without hesitation. He doesn't know if talking will fix it. He doesn't know if it's even possible to fix. He's already apologized, and it did nothing to fix anything. He's only gained friends for the first time less than a year ago, and he has none of the tools or experience to deal with a conflict like this.]

[wolfehawke]

Don't take that as evidence that you should die, spirit. It's already done and passed and Anders has always had trouble taking care of himself, even before that whole mess came to a head.

[Adalwolfe narrows his eyes, trying to gauge Justice as to whether he's taking the news as evidence that he needs to stay or needs to be done away with. Even so, how Anders is now is definitely something that should spur Justice to some kind of action.]

He does have... moods. Melancholy spells where instead of forgetting to eat he chooses not to, stays in bed all day, that sort of thing. He hasn't been so bad as to try and just let time take him here and now, but after Kirkwall... It wasn't easy. I think the cause was all that drove him for awhile.

[whatisright]

[How did you know that that's exactly how he was taking it, Wolfe?

Justice doesn't know. He's still not convinced that he can't retroactively fix this with his death. He's just not sure if it will work, and that's one of the many reasons he hesitates. One of the other many reasons is that if he's wrong and it doesn't retroactively fix it, he doesn't want to cause Anders to experience an even worse episode. It's the same cycle of indecision that's been plaguing him from the start of this nightmare.]

What fixed these spells in the past?

[He tries to focus on solutions that he can be sure of. If Anders has had spells (and presumably Wolfe didn't fix it by waffling about killing himself), how did they stop?]

[wolfehawke]

[He's used to putting himself in the shoes of others. Even a spirit, in this case, is not so far flung an experience that he can't imagine what might be going through Justice's head.]

It's not--

[He shuffles his feet, trying to think of a way to explain Anders' emotional well being, or lack there of.]

Nothing really gets fixed. I can draw him out of it sometimes, with love or with work or distractions, but it's still there at the back of his mind. How he hurt people, how he hurt you, and sometimes I think deeper more core hurts. How he was dragged to the Circle or Karl's death or any number of things. Sometimes it just gets overwhelming and he has difficulty. It's just part of being human, having things you of which you can't shake the weight.

[He lets out a breath.]

You're heavy enough on his shoulders already. Don't pile on more weight by doing something stupid.