driftfleet | (no subject)

Who: Cyril Lavellan
Broadcast: OPEN
Action: The Space Bar
When: After he wakes up.

[Network]

[Cyril has been asleep for the last few weeks and when he finally comes to he feels an odd sense of resignment over this whole thing. He really should be angrier, he thinks, but all he can really do is sigh, shake his head, and get really drunk.]

Well, I'm in a mood for a drink. If anyone wants to join me, I'll be at the Space Bar.

[Action]

[And that is exactly where he is after he makes this announcement. He seems pretty relaxed as he orders something strong and works to finish it off. He really doesn't want to seem contemplative or mopey, but he can't quite shake the realization that Atroma could literally do anything to him and he'd be powerless to stop them.

He hates not being able to control every little thing about his own body.

That's why he looks especially well tonight. His make up is even more on point than normal, his hair is perfectly placed, his clothes chosen to complement his form the best way he can, and everything about his body language is so tightly performative - purposely portraying the image of someone without a care in the world.

These are the things he does control. He controls how much alcohol he puts in his system and allows the fuzz to take away the edge of the sharp fear in his chest. He controls how much he smiles and jokes with those around him. He needs to believe that he maintains some level of control, because being reminded that the chip in his head means Atroma can play with him like a little toy makes an uneasiness settle over him he would very much like to ignore for now.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Dorian is my best friend, Cyril. I know everything that he's been doing.

[Cyril chuckles at that, amused more than anything at how matter of factly she said that.]

Yes, I had assumed you were aware.

When we started, well it was meant to be between friends. Casual. No emotions other than a general appreciation of one another.

I thought I could do it because he wasn't... Well, this is going to sound terrible, but he wasn't my Dorian. He wasn't the man who gave me this. [And he takes the sending crystal from his pocket, revealing that he has a habit of carrying it around even though it's been proven not to work here.]

But the more time I spend with him, the more time I realize how very wrong that idea was. He is Dorian, and everything I felt for him back home still applies here.

I don't want to lose what we have, but I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend it's all casual for me. There's a reason I never even kissed him back home.

I felt the same way. I tried to give my sending crystal back because I didn't think that it was right to have it, not when he wasn't the Dorian who knew me.

[ Leilani shakes her head, looking right at Cyril. ]

You should talk to him, lethallin. You should see where he stands, how he feels. I know Dorian isn't the kind of man to be able to ignore his own heart either.

I doubt his heart is very interested in me. [He says it before he can stop himself, already feeling that his defenses have been worn down and frayed.

He sighs after he hears the words in his voice though, and then reaches up to rub at his face, as if trying to get rid of a headache.]

Ugh, that sounded so selfish, didn't it?

Have you even given him a chance? [ Leilani frowns, crossing her arms over her chest.

If there's one person she is a touch overprotective of, at home and on the fleet, it's Dorian, and she's going to defend his corner as much as she feels like she needs to. ]

If you've never spoken to him about it or ever indicated your feelings might be changing how could he ever know?

[ Yes, she can be a hypocrite sometimes. ]

[He is never going to fault her for taking Dorian's side. He wants to take Dorian's side too. Those Lavellans are strong Dorian stans.]

I...

[He just doesn't really have a defense to that so he just sort of trails off. His mind is preoccupied with the thought that admitting feelings could drive Dorian away. He doesn't voice those fears. Somehow, whining about being abandoned by a lover just seems to childish when he's talking to her of all people.]

That's what I thought.

[ Leilani lifts her hands, cupping his cheeks. ]

You have to be honest with him or he can't be honest with you.

[He looks back at her, keeping the contact as she touches his face. It's more comforting than he would have thought.]

All right, I give in. I'll... talk with him.

[That sounds still terrifying though. Are we sure he can't face a fear demon again instead?]

Good.

[ Her fingers brush over his cheeks gently, and there's a softness to her as she leans her forehead on his. ]

Do not make my mistakes. One of us is more than enough.

[He shifts so that he can put his arm around her, letting them both just take comfort from one another for a moment.]

Ir abelas, lethallan.

I don't mean to make you dwell on those things.

All I've done for the last few months is dwell. It's doing me no harm.

[ She accepts the embrace all the same, gentle and soft around him. ]

[After a moment, he pulls away so he can look at her properly.]

We should do something to give us both a reprieve then.

What did you have in mind, hm?

Actually, I was thinking about trying to see if I could help tend to this garden. Would you consider that a distraction? I could use more green in my life.

I think I could make that work. I did enjoy caring for the garden in Skyhold.

Me as well, though Harding did tease me a bit for the amount of elfroot we grew.

I don't even want to ask what you were doing with it.

Mostly it was potions! And... recreation.

Recreation. [ She snorts. ] I've never done that.

You haven't?

Back in the Clan, there was this boy. A beautiful, troubled boy. I... [Weird, how he can't even bring himself to say 'I loved him' now, when there's nothing to lose by saying it.] Well, he was everything to me for a long time.

But he was also made of fire. All passion and emotion. And rage. We learned how to use elfroot because it calmed him down. Then, for a while, it helped with the pain of the Anchor.

Not really. I spent my time studying, if I'm being honest.

[ Leilani knows what he means, but she nods her head, offering him a soft, gentle smile. ]

I didn't have anyone like that. I had some people that I knew, [ intimately ] but no one that I loved.

It must be difficult to be First. The amount of responsibility you hold. I know it can be isolating.

And then you were made Inquisitor and that was likely all the worse.

It wasn't as bad as people think. I had the Keeper, and I had my books. [ Not many friends, though, which is why the Inquisition was so delightful in her eyes.

She met so many new people, so many people she began to care about. ] I had friends.

And now you have more. That is one thing we both gained through our shared circumstances.

I know. I am more glad for it than I can say, truly. It was a gift I hadn't really thought I would get.