Lance (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
the_tailor) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2018-11-20 10:34 pm
the_tailor) wrote in driftfleet2018-11-20 10:34 pm
video
[At the moment, Lance is looking oh so appealing for the camera. Fresh faced and with his adorable pet otter perched on his shoulder, he gives a wave.]
Hey, everyone! So, uh, this here broadcast is actually more for the fans watching than the rest of you. But I guess if you want to hear me answer some fanmail, by all means. I've gotten bits and pieces over the month, but I figured I might as well do a megapost and answer a whole bunch at once.
[He clears his throat, glancing at the first one.]
"What were your parents thinking when they named you after a phallic weapon?"
That... Y'know, I don't think that actually was something that went through their minds. Though I always had the odd name out out of all of us kids. Luís, Veronica, Marco, Rachel, and Lance. It's a pretty cool name though, so I won't complain, and I never really thought about it being, er, phallic before.
"You have an amazing beauty routine, but it just doesn't seem to be producing the wrinkles you should have. There's an amazing face cream out there that will emphasize all those fine lines and bring out that creased look that's really popular right now."
No, no, and no! I'm extremely proud of how smooth my skin is! If anything, it's anti wrinkle cream that I should be getting. I guess beauty standards for you are different from what they are for me. Sorry, man. This skin is staying smooth as a baby's butt.
"Your ears really are oddly shaped. Maybe if you tape them down they won’t stick out as much. But otherwise, you cool, bro."
...Allura, is that you? [He squints.] My ears are perfectly fine, thank you very much! Very attractive ears! So quit with this already! I wonder if I should get a piercing one day...
"Dear Lance, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy would you be if the gel dispenser included a food goo flavor?"
Is negative infinity a possibility? I'd be ecstatic if I never had to taste food goo again for the rest of eternity. ...Oh boy, the next one is a long one... Let's do bit by bit.
"Lance would you like a cookie what kind of cookies shall we send you?"
Holy run-on sentence, Batman. I like all sorts of cookies, but you can never go wrong with a classic chocolate chip! "Would you like cookies in the shape of dicks?" Wait, what... "What about Galra dicks? What do Galra dicks look like? Also, will you marry me? Keith can be part of it too. What do you smell like, asking for a friend. Baby will you light my fire?"
[The further he gets through these, the more baffled and taken aback his expression looks. There's a faint redness on his cheeks as well because okay, some of these are just. Weird.]
I'm not even going to bother answering any of those. Next up...
"Who wears the pants in your relationship?"
Oh, come on! Both of us wear the pants! You don't see either of us prancing around in tiny miniskirts, do you? No can do, sorry. Well, maybe if there's enough financial incentive...
"What does half-human jizz taste like?"
SERIOUSLY?! [Now his face is even more red. Oliver gives a squeak of surprise and jumps off his shoulder.] Go find out yourself! That's private!
[He scrolls past a few more fanmail, the flustered look not leaving his expression.]
W-w-why are there so many fricken' questions about my sex life?! Why are there so many detailed questions?! "You seem to be switch hitting with Keith. Do you prefer to give or receive?" If I say receive then will you all just shut up and ask something else?!?
[There's a long pause after he's blurted that out out of frustration. When realization dawns on him, he looks as if he's ready to throw himself out an airlock.]
Well that's it for today's episode of Lance-tries-to-do-something-and-ends-up-TMIing! Stay tuned never for a repeat!
[Aaaaaand he shuts the recording off.]
[ooc: Thank you to everyone for sending me questions on Plurk for him! Except no thank you to Hika.]
Hey, everyone! So, uh, this here broadcast is actually more for the fans watching than the rest of you. But I guess if you want to hear me answer some fanmail, by all means. I've gotten bits and pieces over the month, but I figured I might as well do a megapost and answer a whole bunch at once.
[He clears his throat, glancing at the first one.]
"What were your parents thinking when they named you after a phallic weapon?"
That... Y'know, I don't think that actually was something that went through their minds. Though I always had the odd name out out of all of us kids. Luís, Veronica, Marco, Rachel, and Lance. It's a pretty cool name though, so I won't complain, and I never really thought about it being, er, phallic before.
"You have an amazing beauty routine, but it just doesn't seem to be producing the wrinkles you should have. There's an amazing face cream out there that will emphasize all those fine lines and bring out that creased look that's really popular right now."
No, no, and no! I'm extremely proud of how smooth my skin is! If anything, it's anti wrinkle cream that I should be getting. I guess beauty standards for you are different from what they are for me. Sorry, man. This skin is staying smooth as a baby's butt.
"Your ears really are oddly shaped. Maybe if you tape them down they won’t stick out as much. But otherwise, you cool, bro."
...Allura, is that you? [He squints.] My ears are perfectly fine, thank you very much! Very attractive ears! So quit with this already! I wonder if I should get a piercing one day...
"Dear Lance, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy would you be if the gel dispenser included a food goo flavor?"
Is negative infinity a possibility? I'd be ecstatic if I never had to taste food goo again for the rest of eternity. ...Oh boy, the next one is a long one... Let's do bit by bit.
"Lance would you like a cookie what kind of cookies shall we send you?"
Holy run-on sentence, Batman. I like all sorts of cookies, but you can never go wrong with a classic chocolate chip! "Would you like cookies in the shape of dicks?" Wait, what... "What about Galra dicks? What do Galra dicks look like? Also, will you marry me? Keith can be part of it too. What do you smell like, asking for a friend. Baby will you light my fire?"
[The further he gets through these, the more baffled and taken aback his expression looks. There's a faint redness on his cheeks as well because okay, some of these are just. Weird.]
I'm not even going to bother answering any of those. Next up...
"Who wears the pants in your relationship?"
Oh, come on! Both of us wear the pants! You don't see either of us prancing around in tiny miniskirts, do you? No can do, sorry. Well, maybe if there's enough financial incentive...
"What does half-human jizz taste like?"
SERIOUSLY?! [Now his face is even more red. Oliver gives a squeak of surprise and jumps off his shoulder.] Go find out yourself! That's private!
[He scrolls past a few more fanmail, the flustered look not leaving his expression.]
W-w-why are there so many fricken' questions about my sex life?! Why are there so many detailed questions?! "You seem to be switch hitting with Keith. Do you prefer to give or receive?" If I say receive then will you all just shut up and ask something else?!?
[There's a long pause after he's blurted that out out of frustration. When realization dawns on him, he looks as if he's ready to throw himself out an airlock.]
Well that's it for today's episode of Lance-tries-to-do-something-and-ends-up-TMIing! Stay tuned never for a repeat!
[Aaaaaand he shuts the recording off.]
[ooc: Thank you to everyone for sending me questions on Plurk for him! Except no thank you to Hika.]
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[ HUMPH. ]
And secondly, I am not an elitist! Your ears were just unexpected for the situation when I first saw them!
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[Yeah, he'll just be pointing again.]
If you were fine with round ears, then why did you go to all those pains to hide them when you got glitched with them?
[He is not forgetting that, alright.]
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[ She points right back! How dare he bring that up!! ]
I'm allowed to have preferences, aren't I?!
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[ It's like they started to grow but then gave up. Alteans aren't the only species with longer ears, either, so clearly there is something to the structure. ]
But if we're being truthful, Lance, the reason your ears surprised me so much when we met was because Humans do look very Altean. By all rights I should have been back on Altea. I wasn't expecting it!
[ She's...not going to go into the whole "I had just seen my father a few ticks prior" and should have seen him and not Lance when she fell out of the pod. The whole sleeping for ten-thousand years and having your civilization destroyed tends to put a damper on most conversations. ]
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And the bigger design has the disadvantage of being easier to pull, so be on your guard.
[But then she says that last part, and... Well, quiznak. Did he actually drag up bad memories during this little back and forth?]
W-well, maybe you had to focus on not liking the ears, otherwise you would've been swooning in my arms right away without question!
[Oldie but a goodie?]
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[ Because if that's the case, he better be on his guard as well. If he thought challenging Keith was a good idea... ]
Please, Lance. It takes more than that to earn my favor. You should be quite aware of that by now.
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[Lance has never been a pro when it comes to challenging people stronger than him.]
Alas, the ship has passed, and you'll never know just how wonderful a lover I am. Even your beauty but pales to...
[And he trails off.]
Keith is going to smack me if he hears me overdramatically waxing poetic about him again, isn't he?
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[ Be wary. ]
That's likely, but it is touching.