[ video + action ] in this world now I am undying ( iw update )

[dothelokimotion]

Who: Loki + You
Broadcast: Yes!
Action: SS First Breath
When: Right now!

( feed: action )

[ the feed turns on and you're not sure why. all is quiet on the ship front. there doesn't seem to be much activity on the first breath, even this late. all is silent. until you hear a crackle. suddenly ice speeds its way over the walls, ceilings and floors of the ship, instantly freezing everything along its path. everything is coated in silvery, sharp ice, cold to the touch.

and for a moment, a shrill scream echoes throughout the ship before going quiet with the feed. ]

( much later: video )

[ loki turns the feed on. he looks queasy and ready to drop off right then and there, but he clears his throat, coughing as it hurts. ]

My apologies. It seems I lost control of my magic. I will immediately see to any repairs. But perhaps people coming by should mind their step in the meantime.

[ he looks like he has more to say, but he ducks his head, turning off the feed. ]

Comments

[winscenario]

And did you not wake up from it?

[ Loki's always been a little cryptic, especially when he wants to avoid a certain topic. But Jim's worried, so he's going to be a little more insistent than usual. ]

You don't look so good. Can we meet?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki's smile is brittle. ]

I would be terrible company.

[winscenario]

I'm not asking you to be good company.

[ Also yes he has eyes, he can tell Loki isn't exactly in the most cheerful or sociable state of mind. ]

Just... can I come by?

[dothelokimotion]

[ there's a long pause before loki nods, imperceptibly. ]

You may.

[winscenario]

[ Jim heaves out a quiet sigh, nodding. ]

Thank you. I'll be there in a bit.

[ He doesn't waste any time, already getting to his feet as he ends the call. He'll get himself a shuttle and make his way to Loki's ship promptly. Hopefully once there it won't take him long to figure out where Loki is. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki is in the kitchen, nursing a cup of tea and slowly removing the ice using his magic. it weaves through the air, melting and returning, dropping into a clear pitcher. he looks very tired with sallow cheeks. he blinks when jim enters, ice crystals weaving around his hand before heading to the pitcher. ]

That was quick.

[winscenario]

[ He only needs to ask around a few times before he's directed to the kitchen, where someone claims to have seen their captain last. Jim's relieved to see he's still there, and he spares him a small smile as he steps closer, though trying to avoid any patches of ice. ]

I was motivated, and you weren't that hard to find. [ Granted, there are only so many places Loki could try to hide, and his quarters would be a far more obvious spot. ]

Tell me about that long nightmare?

[dothelokimotion]

[ true. loki wouldn't hide on thor's ship. loki watches the ice crystals drip back into the pitcher quietly. ]

There isn't much to say. It was a memory I would have preferred not to have received.

[winscenario]

[ Jim's expression shifts into something akin to understanding, and he nods. ]

You got memories from home, didn't you? I mean... those memory updates.

[dothelokimotion]

[ a slow nod. loki doesn't quite make eye contact. the word "home" makes him smile wanly. ]

I did. Though I doubt I'll be receiving any more.

[winscenario]

[ It takes Jim all of two seconds to realize what Loki means by that. His brow raises, gaze falling, lips pressed in a thin line. ]

I'm sorry. [ Sounds a little awkward, but what else is he going to say? ] So are you... staying with the Fleet?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki huffs. ]

Where would I go?

[winscenario]

Well, you could want to stay behind, settle down on any of the planets we visit along the way.

[ If Loki has nothing to go back to, then he might not want to keep traveling, is all. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki shakes his head. he knew his answer already. ]

I could not do that to Thor. And spending the rest of whatever life this is on some planet . . . it isn't me.

[winscenario]

[ Jim nods understandingly, and he smiles a little. ]

For what it's worth, I'm glad you're sticking around with us.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he hadn't expected that and it shows on his face. ]

Why?

[winscenario]

[ Surprise shows on his face too, though it probably shouldn't, knowing how reticent Loki still is to believe him. ]

Because I consider you a friend. I like having you around.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki remains skeptical. ]

I have not done much in the way of friendship for anyone.

[ he had once, for clark and castiel. but their loss still sits heavily in loki. ]

[winscenario]

Maybe not here, not yet. But... well, I'm easy to please, I guess. Doesn't take much to have my friendship.

[ An exaggeration, maybe. He's friendly, but not as quick to befriend. And he and Loki did start on the wrong foot, back in Riverview. Things are a little too uncertain here, though, so he can't say. ]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki runs his finger over the rim of the pitcher. ]

What would it take then?

[winscenario]

To have my friendship? [ He shrugs, lips pursed. ] You already have it. Why do you ask?

[dothelokimotion]

I . . . am curious. I've never had friends. At least not long enough for it to matter.

[winscenario]

All friendships matter, no matter how brief.

[ But he nods, breathing out a sigh. ]

I like spending time with you. You're bright, funny, interesting. But you also have your heart in the right place, even if you don't always believe that. You've had my back a few times, and I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ friendships matter. again he thinks of clark and castiel, a quiet exhale. there's a wetness behind his eyes he can't fully expunge. ]

I hurt everyone. Every single person who ever knew me. Who ever thought of me. It's not worth it anymore. To keep trying.

[winscenario]

[ Jim presses on. Though he knows how stubborn Loki can be, he can't go, he won't go while leaving Loki thinking this, and feeling like this. He steps closer as a way to say he won't leave, but doesn't reach out just yet, skirting the limits of Loki's personal space. ]

You didn't hurt me. We've known each other for over a year and you never hurt me, and I know you won't hurt me now.