driftfleet | the white noise is deafening silence

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the white noise is deafening silence

[In the very early hours of January 20th, as the Marsiva and her captives drift nonchalantly through the depths of the universe, there is a call. Every single personal communicator and console springs to life, spitting out a stream of indecipherable static and showing only gray snow on screen. It continues like this for a few seconds longer, going black and then going staticky, and then the signal switches to the encrypted channel generally used for speaking to the Interceptors when something big goes down.

This is a little more successful. The voice may be familiar to some, at least through the static.]

Zhade here! I trust I ███ your attention? I'm having some ██▓▓ble ██tting through. Some of the ░▓██▓█ are missing. I can't ░▓▓▓ read on their loc█████ns. [A particularly long burst of static.] ███stening. I'll s█▓▓█ more inf██▓▓▓▓▓█ I get it.

Stay sharp! [There's the sound of someone actually doing the fingerguns wink noise, and then static.

Any messages sent back won't get through, and Zhade isn't there to answer.]

[ A blip of lost time passes right after those words, before every passenger mysteriously wakes alone in their own unfamiliar room. The style of decor resembles that of the Marsiva's Hospitality Deck, if any passengers should remember what that's like. It sounds and smells the same as the host ship as well, all clean and chrome.

Welcome back to the Marsiva, dear passengers. It's time for round three of calibrations. ]

[ This mingle will cover all non-calibration room interactions. Please continue to come back to it for the duration of the plot! You are, of course, free to post any other mingles/posts/etc. that you'd like. ]

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Yes, all of it.

[She's quiet for a long moment, allowing Lup the time to process-- well, that. After all it was Lup's experience, and it wasn't as if they were in the Atroma-induced mindspace, either.

Her words carried a slightly less measured cadence than usual. There was never any--sitting around talking after a ritual. Especially invasive ones. Accidental as this result was, it was still an overstep, which -- had prompted that apology, earlier, as unaware as Lup had been at the time. So she scrapes for the words. It feels strange to explain this. She had forgotten to mention the possibility of it before, with all else there was to safeguard against. Flashes could often be disregarded easily, unless the goal was to search for them, which was an entirely different process. An entirely different ritual.

And yet what had occurred here was--not a flash. It was more akin to being engulfed by a wave, but she did not exactly have the language to describe that, either. Even when Allura had countered her magic, it was different, from this.]

... When it comes to... handling souls, encountering flashes of memory through a process is... sometimes to be expected. This was different. It was... as if your entire experience was fighting back at me. It must have felt... similar what you had gone through before.

[Welp. So much for keeping that little nugget to herself.

She huffs and leans back until her cloak touches the wall, sitting quietly as Haggar speaks. At the last part, she just nods and weighs her options... but there really isn't much else she can do. She can't just pretend it was nothing. And she's been on Haggar's case about honesty, and... ugh.

Times like this she wishes she was more of a hypocrite.]

You remember... that time, at the tree? When it gave me that umbrella?

[It's a rhetorical question; perhaps it's a little egotistical, but she has no doubt that Haggar remembers. That day had been stressful for both of them, and she'd put on one hell of a show before she bailed. They'd talked about what happened after, but she never truly explained herself. Hadn't wanted to, or needed to.]

I made it, years ago- it was my spell focus. It's called an Umbra Staff, and it's speciality is absorbing the power of defeated magic users... it swallows their spell focus, their wands, and adds that power to itself.

[Go figure. Try to do something good for someone else, and rip open old wounds instead. About right, for her luck with these things.

There had been no need to press further at the time it had happened, but it was not something to forget. She nods slowly, as Lup speaks, the description of the wand helping fit in some of the missing pieces about Lup's reaction to that weapon, as she reflects on that all over again. That feeling that there had been an untold part to the story. Lup had said she went off to try and fix their mess alone, for that final time, and then -- that incident must have occurred along the way.

A different story.

And to have on her a weapon with a power that was able to absorb, that trapped and held her within it... a weapon that she had herself created, only to be betrayed by it. Lup was no ordinary magic user.

... No wonder. She felt something in her react, as the pieces flitted to place, snapping her head up from where her chin had been nearly resting on her arms. What.]

-- And it gave that to you?!

[Lup didn't even go into any details and she was-- already angry. She shakes her head abruptly at herself for speaking out so suddenly instead of continuing to listen, but, it couldn't be helped.]

... My apologies. Please continue.

[It's hard to tell within the shadow of the hood and the lack of features, but after being momentarily taken aback, Haggar might catch the faintest glimmer of a smile, albeit brief. Sounds like she already gets it, at least to some degree. That makes this easier, in a way.]

Continue, and tell you what you already know, now? Yeah, sure. I was stupid, I went into this shitty abandoned cave to hide my relic- just me and a dwarf, acting as my guide. He noticed the gauntlet, and the stupid bastard stabbed me trying to get it. I still managed to lock them both away, but... well, poison. He got me good.

[She gestures vaguely, as if that explained anything, as if that can somehow convey the anger and self-loathing for her own recklessness or the regret she'd felt that there was no going back, that she'd be trapped like this, that her body was lost and the Bond Engine couldn't bring her back this time.

If only that was the worst of it. Idiot.]

I died there. And when I fell out of my body as a lich? Like I said, I'm pure arcane energy in this form. Umbra Staff did its thing, chomp chomp, down I went. And there's no way out from the inside.

[Haggar remains quiet, listening, the pulse of anger not quite faded, as the other pieces join in, from other conversations they'd had...

It explained things she had not even considered fully, before, all of those hints and implications that she had not pressed. The least of all being the reminder of that grasp of her hand, when they'd met again after the tree, as if Lup had not been able to do so for some time--and Lup would have known what it was like to miss that, in her isolation.

Because her next leap... well. Hard not to guess, there, and unfair to have Lup continue on with what she had hinted at during other times: that she had ultimately been forgotten there, and that if she were to be sent back now she would still be there. Erased from the memory of her own brother, with no way out, and there really were no words to describe how ... even to use Lup's own words, shitty that was, no matter how resilient she was.]

I thought it better to hear as much in your own words, though the pieces... have come together.

...I figured, yeah.

[She fidgets uncomfortably, her hands lifting and twisting the chains together, letting the links click together like worry beads. It's hard to listen to her own voice relive the awful things she's been working all these months to bury and stop thinking about- except that this damned place is conspiring, over and over, to drag it to the forefront.]

I didn't... tell anyone where I'd gone. I thought they'd stop me. I thought- it'll just be a few days. I even left a note for them. "Back soon", I said. Gods. [Clink, clink, clink, go the chains, almost frantic, aggressive.] And then their memories were blocked off, so they stopped looking. How can you look for someone when you don't even know they exist? Not that I knew that. I didn't know anything, I couldn't do anything. I sat in an umbrella, in a cave, in the middle of nowhere, for ten years.

[Haggar listens: to the sound of the rattling chains, to Lup explaining, to that still lingering sense of fear and recoil coursing through, that perpetual cycling of energy.

Granted the amount of time isn't exactly something she's able to conceptualize clearly, but she well knew how tested the resilience of others could be, whether it spanned days or centuries. And to be in a state of energy, trapped within darkness, with nothing else?

She had once referred to it as a fate worse than death. But this was different, still.]

... for you to endure in such a state, and yet still have your own mind.

[Her tethers must still have been strong. And yet, keeping it that way... to think that things weren't worse for her right now. No wonder Lup had fought against this magic with her whole self. She hadn't been able to before.]

... But something must have changed. For you to -- know.

For me to what, be here and chill and not totally batshit? Yeah, uh. It was a wild year after that. Taako of all people found my skeleton there, but that was... after. The memory stuff. [She gestures vaguely towards her head.] He took the Umbra Staff with him, started using it a spell focus, and I had to get used to being strapped to his back all day. Still not ideal, but at least I was out of that fucking cave. At least I could do something to help, maybe keep him safe.

[It brought along with it all number of unfortunate issues, like having to piece together everything she'd missed in his life (and the lives of all her friends) the last decade, and just what the Director was trying to accomplish, and- gods, Barry- but that's a whole other thing that would be nonsensical to Haggar at this point, and she's too tired to get into it now.]

Back home I've been trying to reach him somehow, but there's only so much I can do- he can't hear me, and I can only cast a few little spells from inside on my own. Stuck waiting for something to happen, again.

[And it's infuriating.]

... So close and yet so far.

[It says a lot about her strength, even for things to have gone so wrong due to her choices. She might have been stressed beyond everything, but she was still Lup. Even so, the story continues, broadening the scope of this picture.

She knew that Lup had wanted something to help Taako, preferably something for his memories, but the tree... gave her the staff she had been trapped in the entire time... and somehow Taako had stumbled upon it, unknowingly, after a decade of her decay. That sure was something, right there.]

... And so when you were brought here, this--reality finally allowed you to meet face to face, but you only achieved this freedom... here.

[That was a lot, too.]

Yeah, you can probably guess why I've got some mixed feelings about this place.

[Freedom, finally, yay! Except not because they're all trapped here. Reunion with Taako, yay! Except not because he can't remember or hear the truth about who she is. She has a body again, yay! Except as soon as she leaves this place she's right back to being dead and trapped in an umbrella prison.]

It's not all bad news. I've been told that at some point in the future Taako remembers me, and I get set free. I've got some semblance of a happy ending to look forward to. It's just- hearing and knowing are two different things, right? And the waiting is... balls. It's hard to think positive when I'm stuck like this.

[Being told something and experiencing something as fact were different things.

Haggar has no such certainties, since all she had been told so far of her future was not particularly pleasant and yet had unintentionally led to the result in her desire for change, but she's only all too aware about what she will lose when the Atroma - tires. Frustrating, indeed.]

Whatever opportunity it is worth, for you both to be here in these circumstances... do not allow it to pass you by, even with the promise of such a future. You are free. You have ... choices.

[And risks, but that brought them here.]

You don't have to tell me that. I've been trying, haven't I?

[Her tone is laced with frustration, a bit snappish, but... after a pause, she slumps, continuing more quietly.]

...Sorry. It's not you, it's me. Just... some days are easier than others. One minute I think things are going good, and we step into the same jive, then suddenly it's like- bam, and I remember, and he doesn't. And that... hurts.

[It's hard to admit that to anyone, or even to herself.]

... I know. You have been hurting this entire time. Every time a setback occurs, your pain grows.

[And Lup was strong. She had weathered so much, endured so much. But here, now, she was fracturing, in the very place that could have offered her more, for every slap in the face it gave her. The irony of -- living.]

But you are accustomed to... enduring. A downside, to being as strong as you are. You feel guilt for all of it happening in the first place, fear that he may not accept anything that comes from you. It will... only hurt more if you continue this way. Hiding... your pain.

[She can't help but laugh at that, quiet and bitter.]

Aren't we all kind of fucked up in that way? I can't... I can't tell him, he barely wants to get all feelsy with people he knows well, nevermind someone he still considers near a stranger. If the lich stuff doesn't scare the shit out of him, the rest will just weird him out. And he-

[She looks down, her hands twisting together again.]

...he... I don't... I don't even know how he'd react if he found out about the staff. And that's scary, too.

[To know that she was with him, watching, all this time? Shooting spells at Angus and Kravitz, selfishly, trying to get his attention? He already doesn't trust her. It could be so much worse.]

It is scary.

[She had evaded going directly to Lotor for that same reason, the more she scrambled to put herself together here. She well knew it was hard to deal with that sort of fear.]

But... more than that, he seems... more of the sort of person who would be angrier if you did not try at all, if he had any suspicion of your holding back. Even if it is not something he can fully comprehend, the way things are now. Especially now that this circumstance has already occurred.

...Yeah. I know, I...

[It's difficult to hear it said aloud, to hear it from someone else- something that a part of her, deep down, has been trying to remind her of for months now. Taako hates to be left in the dark, hates to be lied to. They grew up always hearing whispers behind their backs, from their family, then from people in the caravans who didn't understand them, even from complete strangers who spotted the unusual pair looking wild and vulnerable alone on the open roads. They relied on each other as much as they did because no one around them could be trusted.

And of course he knows something's up, here. Her face alone is proof of secrets left unshared, the voidfish's static only adding to the mystery, and the frustration. That is, perhaps, the worst of it- how powerless she is to help him.]

I can't tell him, though. Like, literally, I can't. Not all of it. I tried already, Kravitz tried, Magnus tried- all he hears is static. He couldn't- that first day, he didn't even hear my name. How am I supposed to get around something like that?

[She nods, falling quiet for a moment, considering her words carefully before she speaks.]

It is true that it blocks you. However, even if you consider that you cannot tell him these things directly... you are still spending time with him. You have a... bond, even if it is not the same as it once was. He is used to your presence, now, as hard as it must have been when you both arrived here.

[It is easier, to read these sorts of things in others.]

In his own way, he may now sense that there is something more, as you... continue to connect, even if he cannot grasp the truth of it fully. You do have that.

...Uuuuuuuuuugh. [She abruptly bends forward as Haggar finishes her response, burying her hood against her knees, tugging at the material so it's pinned more tightly around her skull, as if that'll somehow block it all out.] I hate that you're making so much sense. Quit that, aren't I supposed to be the one who lectures you on how to be people?

[And of course she brings up bond, of all things. Of all the words to use. It resonates uncomfortably, burrowing deep even though she tries to shake it off. Bonds and ties and tethers and memories- all of them winding together, woven like a tapestry of threads that connects her and Taako together. From womb to the bond engine on the Starblaster, they've always been intertwined, separated by distance but never the soul.

Here is just... a setback. The thread if frayed, but it's not severed.

"He wants to remember you."

With an exasperated exhale, she rolls over, kicking the lower half of her robe up onto the bed. Even though her lower body sort of fades out in her spectral form, no real legs to be seen, it gives off much the same effect of her on her back, legs propped up against the bed, her arms stretched out at her sides as far as the chains will allow.]

Okay. Okay, I get it, I'll... talk to him. When we're out of here, when I can be me again. So stop being such a mom already.

[Haggar watches her react, at first in her usual quiet way, with little more than a blink. But after a moment passes, she finds her shoulders quivering, as she gives way to a soft laugh that bubbles up unexpectedly. At... all of it, and that strange but dramatic reaction, but not unkindly. The situation was still terrible, but in spite of all the terrible draining feelings and the wretched state they both were still in from the ritual, it... hadn't all gone poorly.]

... If I have truly achieved something like that, I do not feel that I fully wish to stop.

[Her own little... joke. She knows that Lup had been under so much strain with nowhere for it to go, so it was understandable, that she still needed that little push, that--advice, from another source. Fears could be so encasing.

It was an odd sort of role reversal for them, with the way Haggar often found herself looking to the elf for guidance and still would need to.]

Mm... well, never say I didn't warn you. I'm a big ol' handful of a child. Most of the fam said I wasn't worth the trouble.

[Eh, maybe it's good for her. To practice, or... whatever. Since she wants to be a mom again. Not like it really matters or means anything, just one more word to throw around in the right moment. Or wrong one. Who even knows.

.....

Gods, she really must be getting sentimental. Fuck this place, seriously.]

[Emotions were so tricky, and sentiment... well, once something like that got through cracks, it liked to run deep. Unusual, but not... unwelcome.]

Do not worry. Your warning has been... noted.

[Was it practice? She didn't know if she ever would have a chance to really speak to Lotor in this way. If he would allow it, from her, no matter how hard she worked for that opportunity, that chance of acceptance. But it was nice, to... have the opportunity, even so.

It ... felt good, to be able to give to someone else, even after all that take of energy. An unexpected consequence.]

But you are worth the time to me, and I do not believe that will change.

[They both understood the weight of rejection, but there was a comfort in this... openness.]

....D'aww. Quit trying to make me cry, there's no tear ducts in these bones.

[Her tone is thick with bravado, but there's an underlying softness, if Haggar listens close. Almost a vulnerability, one stubbornly fought. Walls long built are difficult to tear down.

And then, as if all of this is edging too close to something she isn't prepared to deal with right now-]

Not to kick you out or anything, but... I think I'm gonna pass out for a while. Maybe trance off whatever the fuck just happened. And you kinda look like you could do the same thing.

Yes... it is time.

[She picked up on that note in Lup's tone, hard not to, considering how things were.

Still, it was fair, there was a lot left for them both to still process, even if they had managed to talk some of this out. The advice seemed to be taken to heart, anyway. Perhaps a few other things as well.

With a soft exhale, she carefully rises to her feet with a wince, feeling the shift of coiled energy that contrasted with the strain of headache with her change of position. This ship did not contain enough blankets for the nest she wanted.]

Rest, and contact me if you have a need.

[Even if that was--just to talk. With that said however, she'll nod and then... well, simply warp her way out to her own room.]

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the white noise is deafening silence

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