driftfleet | Action | Who needs a gosh dang drink??

Entry tags:

Action | Who needs a gosh dang drink??

Who: Steve and everyone else who just needs to get drunk. One closed to existing CR
Broadcast: No
Action: The Iskaulit/Space Bar
When: Post Calibrations/Bombing the eff out of Marsiva

[OPEN]

Tony would probably be proud of Steve, if he were able to see him right now. He'd slap his back and welcome him back to the world of inebriation while ordering shots for everyone in the bar to commemorate the day. As it is, though, Tony isn't here and, without him, there's not a damn person who would feel proud in this entire bar. That's part of it's charm.

Steve sighs and swallows his fourth drink. It's strong and alien and somehow enough to give him a strong buzz but not enough to really get him drunk. Not yet, at least. But he's not a quitter, so bottom's up! He hisses a little at the burn of it and feels, not for the first time, like he was being a coward. He saw some stuff in those rooms, sure. But other people had it so much worse. Saw so much more. He should really be thankful, actually.

But he's not. And this is a 30's approved way of getting over trauma. There were worse ways of coping, he was sure. So for now he's just going to stay in his seat and keep ordering drinks until that elusive drunken state hits him once more.

Should only take another hour or three.

[CLOSED TO EXISTING CR]

No one could blame Steve for starting. He'd messaged his friends about fifteen minutes ago, telling them to meet him at the bar for some drinks. But just sitting here, waiting? It was done better with a drink in hand to look social, at least. And it's not like that one is going to be his last. No, after Calibrations he can imagine himself coming over here quite often. He can imagine all of them coming here quite often, in fact. But maybe tonight (today? Space was hard to judge) would help take some of the sting off. Or at least some of the awkwardness.

But it wasn't as though they <i>chose</i> to share all of that. Loki, Steve is sure, would have preferred to keep his death to himself. And Thor? I am sure half of those memories were things he'd rather not have replayed over and over again. And <i>Hux</i>. God... That was just what Steve knew of. Who knew what other people had put his friends through? What they'd been through themselves?

Steve preemptively orders another drink for whoever shows up first. Whoever it was, he's sure they won't say no. Not now.

First round is on him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Steve goes ice cold thinking about that. "So...When I was here and left, the theory is that I could have been iced and brought back, now? Or...that there are versions of me still there? Waiting?" Natasha's Bucky. Sam. Tony. Wrath. All the lost people, still kidnapped.

It made sense and it was the most horrible thing he could have imagined.

"We have to go home eventually, don't we? There are memories! Things we haven't done yet. We need to go home to do them!" Unless he already has and forgot. Christ.

"Maybe. No one ever seems to realize we're gone, so either we go back eventually, we're all from different universes, or we're not really us." That last one is not Natasha's favorite theory by a long shot, but she doesn't want to leave it out.

"We don't really know that much. We do know that the Atroma have highly advanced technology when it comes to teleportation and replication."

The idea that they're not really themselves makes Steve want to be sick. Copies? Clones? To what end? "I don't think that's the case," he says honestly. "I guess it's impossible to know for sure. But I don't think that's true. Now when everyone has such different experiences going home."

But the other two? Steve winces hard, thinking about it. "Christ. None of this is good. Not any of it.

"I wanna know who these Atroma are..."

Natasha doesn't like it either, and most people don't discuss it, but it's a possibility that they've broached a few times during the duration of her stay. It's also the hardest for her to shake because it makes sense. Why go through the trouble of kidnapping them and returning them directly to the time they were taken, memories scrubbed and scars removed, why bother resurrecting the dead, when you can make your copy and update memories periodically?

Then rather than ever bother sending them home, they can throw them in storage or maroon them on a planet or even toss them in an incinerator.

Thinking about it too long is a good way to bring on an existential crisis.

"We have some information. Kitty would be a good person to talk to about that. I also have some hard copies. Most of it is redacted, though."

"I'll have to talk to her about it then." Steve is glad he knows Kitty so it won't be as awkward when he starts demanding answers. How can he help it? There's a chance he's...what? A clone? Yeah, he wants to know one way or another whether he's real or not and the best way is to figure out who the Atroma are and what they are truly capable of.

Steve keeps walking and mentally takes a step away from all of these troubling thoughts.

"So, what is this gift you're giving me?" Steve turns, thinking he saw a cat walk by. He lights up a bit; he knew Hux has a cat but he wasn't sure if there were more about.

"If it's a kitten you are officially my new best friend. I'll get ya a badge and everything."

"Sorry, Rogers. Licorice and T'Challa aren't going anywhere." Most ships pick up a pet or two along the way. At this point, it's cats. "And I'm not sure you can really call it a gift, considering."

Natasha opens the door to her own quarters—bigger than standard. Being captain has some perks.

Inside the room she moves to the bedside and pulls something out from under the bed. It's familiar to him. Or it ought to be, at least, seeing as how it's his shield.

"The last Steve got this back along the way. He didn't want to keep it. He—he didn't seem to think he deserved it at the moment. Eventually he gave it to Sam. When Sam left, it came to me.

"I'm not really the patriotism and optimism type, though."

Steve isn't expecting this. He hasn't seen the shield since he dropped it in front of Tony and walked away from Captain America. It still feels a little like it doesn't belong to him. That this is a Stark creation he borrowed and then used against Howard's son.

Still. He takes it. It fits into his hand as well as it ever did. Steve stares at it a moment before pulling it off and just holding it in his hands.

"I didn't think I'd see this again so soon." He smiles, warm and fond because the shield is like an old friend. And he knows what he's going to do with it.

"Thanks, Nat. Although I could see you in stars and stripes. Goes with your hair."

"Pretty sure you don't know what you're talking about there, Rogers," Natasha says, her expression softening the words. It's nice to see him accepting it back, at least. "Besides, I've had it for months and the cat's got more use out of it than I have."

"You let your cats use my shield?" He loves cats so he's just pretending to be offended by that. Really, it's the perfect size and shape for a snuggly cat bed. He can't blame the two of them. "Good thing it's headed to a better home, now."

He looks it over and lets out a small sigh. "It was weird, how easy it was for me to drop this when I needed to." He doesn't seem sad remembering it. Wistful, maybe, that things could have been different. But he doesn't regret anything in that moment. It had to be done.

"It's not that weird." Not to Natasha, at least. It might be to some people, people who didn't know Steve or thought of him as Captain America first. Maybe Natasha just wasn't one to be easily starstruck or taken in by symbolism, but it hadn't taken her long to figure out Steve didn't need the name or the shield to do the right thing.

She'd seen it herself.

"I'd be more surprised if you said you hesitated."

Steve looks over at Nat and smirks a little. "Ya know, one of these days I'm gonna surprise you." And that day is going to surprise him all the more since his friend knows him better than he often knows himself. He looks back at the shield and wonders what it had seen, here. What he'd done with it. What Sam had.

In another universe, what Bucky had.

"What else have you got here? Enough to open a museum?"

"Oh... by now, probably." There are more things in Natasha's room than most people would expect. And for good reason. For months after Natasha arrived in the Fleet, she'd kept her space spartan. As time passed, that changed. They visited more systems, and she collected souvenirs, tools, new clothes. More than that, though, people had left.

There are journals that aren't hers, various mementos, and a fair amount of storage containers.

"Sam's wings are under there too."

Sam. Steve bends for a second to see them but then he decides he doesn't want to. Even having Bucky back doesn't make him not miss his friend. The two of them had searched for Bucky together, had fought together... It had been nice having a best friend again. Just like it hurt to know he'd missed him and there was no guarantee he'd see him again anytime soon.

"I'm surprised you didn't take them for a spin." He'd been curious himself, now and again. "I bet you've thought about it."

"Who says I haven't?" Raising her eyebrows. It's a bluff; she hasn't taken them out. Partly because there hasn't been a great opportunity. She hadn't been in a hurry to run out and explore the trash planet, for example.

But she also didn't want to all that bad.

"You could probably take them out if you want. Doubt he'd mind."

"If you went flying and no one took a video, I'm gonna be mad." Steve waves off the offer for him to take them though. They belong to Sam an until they go back to him, Steve figures they're better off with Nat than with him. Otherwise it's just a constant reminder.

"How long has he been gone?"

"Since last summer." It's less raw than some of the other losses, though knowing he's one of the missing after Thanos's attack makes it impossible not to feel some regret.

Under other circumstances, Natasha wouldn't worry much at all. Sam is smart and can take care of himself.

"Around the same time you left last time."

It's still odd to know he was here before and has no memory of it. Just like Bucky has no clue he and Natasha were together, Steve has no idea if he'd been with someone, before. If there's someone walking around who missed him. Friends he's ignoring. Enemies who have a chance with him.

But maybe Nat would.

"Is...there anything I should know? About that last time? You know. People I forgot? Relationships?"

"Are you sure you want to know that? Might be better not to know." Natasha imagines she knows the answer. It's not hard to guess, considering Steve's experience. "Might be better off not knowing. Start fresh."

"I don't want someone out there seeing me and feeling what...everyone here seems to feel when they're forgotten. It's my memories. Gone or not, I wanna know." He looks over at Nat and, yeah, her concern is making him worried about what she's going to say, but that doesn't make him want to back down. Shocking, he knows.

"Probably you've already met most of them who are still here. The ones I know about, at least. Kitty, for example. She's been here through a lot. But she's used to this by now too." Which doesn't make it more pleasant. "I'd say you were friends."

Edited 2019-03-21 02:22 (UTC)

"She mentioned something to that effect when we met," he agrees. "It can't be easy for her to have had to introduce herself to me so often. I wish I could say this is the last time, but who actually knows?" That's not so bad, really. Kitty and he are already getting along well once more. Everyone else must have simply gone when he did. Sam. Bucky. Tony. Peggy.

"I don't know if it's better or worse that she's used to it..."

"Doesn't have to be one or the other. It makes it easier, and it's sad." Natasha's got to that point too now, she thinks. But Kitty's been here longer. And so many people have left.

"You've heard about Peggy...?"

He nods. "Vision and Loki said she was here. Was happy. Even got married." It warms him a little to know she was so happy even if she and her husband got separated again, whoever he was. Which... actually...

"Is he still here? Her husband?" Christ. He can't imagine the sort of pain that would cause. A wife ripped away without warning? Steve winces just at the thought.

That derails Natasha's train of thought, getting him a long, flat stare as she studies his face. She's not sure for what. There was never any chance he was lying.

Why would he?

"You don't know?"

Nothing good comes after 'You don't know?' Rapidly, Steve starts trying to think of worst case scenarios. The problem is he can't think of anything nor anyone it would have bothered him to know Peggy married.

Unless...

The idea puts ice in his chest. It would have been incredible. Everything he'd ever wanted. But to then...forget? No. No, he wouldn't...

"No..."

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