[ one year anniversary ]

[dothelokimotion]

Who: Loki + You
Broadcast: Video
Action: SS First Breath
When: Today! It's a special day!

( video broadcast )

[ the feed splutters before turning on. loki is surrounded by a whole bunch of boxes. boxes as far as the eye can see. loki has started opening them while the speakers blast this song loud and clear. loki, for his part merely huffs. ]

It seems I have spent a total of a year in this place and the, ah, viewers wish to celebrate. However most of this is useless to me, so I welcome anyone else taking them into their hands.

[ which, ngl, he's into. but the gifts loki has are just . . . baffling. he holds each one up to the camera. we have the mighty thor scooter, captain chickmerica, loki on hotwheels, a masterpiece, plastic horns, disturbing panties and something for "sophisticated men" ]

Please feel free to come by to the First Breath to pick them up.

Also, this has reminded me. Since we are essentially living by this . . . awkward mortal calendar, I have decided I want a birthday. You lot should help me pick one.

[ and get him presents. this is essentially a ploy for presents. ]

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

I have never met any . . . "fans" of any kind.

[ thor had fans. loki does not. ]

And I'm not interested in cultivating any.

[necromanswers]

I hate to say it, bud, but you've got a box full of some weird shit that tells me you've cultivated plenty whether you like it or not. And you've got the weird ones, too.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he frowns. ]

I suppose that makes sense. That they would be strange to begin with.

[necromanswers]

I mean, the alternative is that it's normal, everyday Joe Blows watching us lose our godsdamned minds out here and being totally chill about it, and that's kinda horrifying to imagine, soooo... yeah, I'm gonna go with "viewers be wacko".

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki opens another box, skeptically. ]

Honestly, I was not sure we even had viewers to begin with. It seems more of a myth than a fact.

[necromanswers]

Oh, that's for sure still on the table. Your magic package could definitely have come from the Atroma, which is a whole other can of worms to open.

[....]

Heh. Package. Nice.

[BECAUSE THERE'S A DILDO she's never letting him forget.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki shoots her a flat look. ]

I suppose it would suit the Atroma's poor tastes.

[necromanswers]

[She just grins, entirely without shame or regret.]

The fact that we still know as little as we do means we can do all the wild speculation we want. Guess it's one way to pass the time, right?

[dothelokimotion]

Where should we start?

[necromanswers]

Oooh, good question.

How about this: there is no audience... yet. The fleet is secretly a viral marketing scheme to get planets across the galaxy wondering what the heck is going on.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he flashes a grin. ]

Or it is secretly a training simulation for potential recruits.

[necromanswers]

We could be trapped in a horrible virtual reality program, and our real bodies are just plugged in together and drooling in some nerdlord's lab!

[dothelokimotion]

We could be potential candidates for some despot's harem.

[necromanswers]

[She snorts indelicately.]

And you hold in your hands the sexually-charged evidence to support that one.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki isn't particularly offended by that, twirling the . . . device. ]

I'm used to it.

[necromanswers]

Strange thing to be used to... but at least that might help you, in the long run. I assume they send us all this weird shit to get a reaction out of us.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he scoffs lightly. ]

If they think these paltry assorted goods will make me react in an unusual way, they clearly haven't been paying much attention.

[necromanswers]

I kinda doubt anyone's ever claimed that our lovely viewers are smart. But there's a sort of satisfaction with believing that they might be disappointed, isn't there? By our reactions and shit.

[dothelokimotion]

[ a low hum. ]

You have a point there. Perhaps I should have engineered a contrived spectacle.

[necromanswers]

You absolutely should, and I'm in no way saying that just because I want to see it.

[dothelokimotion]

I will start plotting one immediately.

[necromanswers]

If you need an assist, you better hit me up! You know I'm always down for some shenanigans.

[dothelokimotion]

You would be the first I inform.

[necromanswers]

Yessss! That's what I like to hear.

So, think you'll get any takers on your swag?