driftfleet | [Video/Action]

Entry tags:

[Video/Action]

Who: Kitty Pryde and You!
Broadcast: Video
Action: Twin Roses or the Malum on the Iskaulit
When: Now

I have some things I'm looking to send to good homes. There's a lot of men's clothing, some sewing materials, shaving supplies, and a few odds and ends. It's probably time they go to someone who can make use of them. [For anyone whose known her long enough this description might make it clear enough these are Winn's things.] It's been over two years. [She knows exactly how many days over—twenty.] That's probably long enough to hold on to them. [And maybe it will make room for new things.] I'll probably donate them at the next planet if no one is interested, but feel free to stop by the Twin Roses if you want to take a look.

Or stop by the Malum during my shift tonight and we'll pour one out to the people we're still missing. I mean, I'll charge you for the pour, so feel free to use your mouth for it. [She gives the screen a little smile.]

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[She watches him struggle with words and she's not sure what to fill the blanks in with.]

My thoughts... [It's almost laughable. She doesn't laugh. But there are so many thoughts piled on top of each other and tangled together like necklaces that were all thrown haphazardly in a drawer together. But there was a line of thought she was having with Vision. It's probably only fair to share it. Maybe so she can be talked out of it. Maybe so she can talk herself into it.]

I was thinking that maybe I should go home. [An obviously tricky proposition seeing as how she only has a few seconds left of living to do there.]

What?! No! [He reaches out to grab at her arms. As if she was about to jump off a cliff and he needed to catch her. His eyes instantly filled with worry.] Why? [He tries to recover from his outburst. Knowing full well that he had no right to tell her what she can and can't do.] Kitty, you told me you died back home! Why-- why would you go back to that?! I mean... maybe you'll be okay, but what if you're not?! How can you go back to that? Don't-- please don't. [Don't tell him you're thinking of going to your death.]

[His reaction takes her by surprise. It shouldn't. He has a big personality and he cares about her and in effect she did basically say to him she should go die. It's all a far cry from the quiet contemplation she's been doing on the subject recently. Her heard does...things at the look in his face and the worry in his voice. She doesn't have time to unpack the things right now. Does she feel bad for causing him distress? Does she feel good someone cares this much about her? Does she regret not telling him in some more gentle way she can't quite imagine? Does she worry this means they can't have a substantive conversation about it? Yes, yes, it's all those things. It would be pretty weird if we listed them all and they were irrelevant. Also, probably a few more things. Season to taste and simmer thirty minutes before removing from heat.

It does all leave her speechless for a moment which is a shame because it seems like he needs to be talked down. Though he's doing some of that on his own.]

Hey... Hey. [Said very gently like she's trying to coax an injured bear into calming down so she can remove a thorn.] I know it's a risk. A big one. I don't know if it's even worth the shot, but if we remember then there's a chance I could phase in time and live. And then maybe I could change things. Maybe I could save my team from everything Kurt went through. I'd be risking my life against a chance for my whole world. [She doesn't really think that will put him at ease. It doesn't really put her at ease. It's a big if and she doesn't want to die. But if there's even a small chance how can she not take it?]

But I don't care about your world! [He claps a hand over his mouth. It wasn't true. He did care about her world just like he care about all worlds.] No, I'm sorry. I do care. It's just-- I care about you more. I-- I don't want you to go. Kitty, I've seen how awful your world is. How can you go back? [Her students. He knows the answer instantly. Even before he's finished asking it. Just like he would never go back to his terrible world if Meryl wasn't there and Knives wasn't a threat. He sighs and hangs his head slightly. Looking down at the bed.

Damn it. How could he ask her to turn her back on a chance to save her team?]

[For Kitty's part she doesn't look offended at his outburst. Her world means a lot to her just like his world means to him. All worlds are important in the abstract. Hell, she might even die (again) for an abstract notion like that, but it wasn't as deeply meaningful to her as her own world. It couldn't be. Not really. It's too distant. Not like his hand on hers. The feel of his heart when her head is resting on his chest. This is closer. She gets it.]

I haven't decided anything. I don't know if there's anything to decide, but they're still my family [She takes a breath before she says the next part. It's something she's known for a long time now, but she hasn't really talked about it with anyone but Kurt who told her] and they're all going to die. [It's too late for her students. They died before she did. Unless they can alter when they go back she can't stop that. But does she feel like she owes it to them to do the most? Of course.]

[Vash is quiet for awhile. Struggling to find the words to say. If she doesn't go back to try then people die for sure. If she goes back there's a high chance that she herself will die. There was so much death no matter which way she goes.

Finally he chuckles slightly. A bitter, humorless one. A small smile on his face because when he didn't know how to feel it's what he tended to default to. Smile, stay strong, and keep pushing forward when all he really wanted to do was crack and give up.] And to think... I thought the worst thing was thinking you were going to stay behind on the fleet and be alone until you found Winn again. [Instead she was going home to very likely die and be without the man she loved so much.]

[She shifts in closer to him and wraps her arms around him fully, resting her head against his shoulder.] X-Men have been very good at happy endings. [Maybe more of a reason she should expect her plan couldn't work. That she won't remember. That she'll die as she was "supposed" to the first time. The thought doesn't scare her too much. This has all been borrowed time granted by the enemy, but she doesn't like worrying Vash. Or worrying anyone who might ask or she might confide in. She hasn't talked to Kurt about it yet and that will be key because if she's going to do any good she'll need more details and he won't be excited about this plan. It's already his past after all.]

[Instantly he wraps his arms around her in return. Squeezing her tightly and he doesn't let go. A firm tight squeeze, but also careful to keep it from becoming painful.] I don't want to let you go. [He finally admits quietly. Maybe it was the fear of her possible future that has finally gotten him to speak a little honestly. The four years of learning to be more open and honest certainly was helping as well.] I don't want to lose you. I want you to come with me, but there is nothing for you on my planet. [Well, except that there isn't immediate death involved.]

[She stays close in the embrace. It feels good to hear he wants her to come with him, but it's hard too because the more she thinks about the possibility of changing things back home the more she feels like she needs to try. Still, there is that other voice that tells her she'll just be throwing her life away. That voice also sounds a lot like anyone she might tell about it.]

Nothing? What about you? Or... [She speaks more softly after a moment's hesitation.] Do you mean because of Meryl? [Because even if she did go with him worst case scenario he doesn't even remember her. Maybe she doesn't remember him either and she's just stranded on an alien world. Best case scenario she ends up in a love triangle that she feels destined to lose. That she probably wouldn't even try to win. After all, its their world. They belong together, right?]

(OOC: Oops, that was supposed to be, "X-Men have never been very good at happy endings.")

No. It's not because of Meryl. [He pulls back slightly. Wanting her to know that he was serious about that and look her in the eye when he says it.] But how could I possibly be enough when you could stay on the fleet and keep looking for Winn? [He rubs his thumb gently across her cheek. He was happy being in second, but he didn't want her to settle.] Coming with me means never having another chance to see him again. It means living in a desert and fighting every day to make it out alive.

[He sighs. When he had thought about the struggle to live before he had been weighing that option up against staying in the fleet. Now he had to compare it to her home which also was a struggle for her every day. If she even lives.] And coming with me means you'd be sharing my love with someone else who will be physically there now. [Perhaps it's because he's not human, but Vash still can't see why that isn't a normal thing. Why must there be one and only? Why couldn't he love them both so much together?]

Sounds like it's at least kind of about Meryl. [She does not know what he's picturing when he says sharing his love. Because you could say they are doing that now, but it's different when the others aren't physically present. At least, it's different for her.]

I don't know, Vash. I don't know what he right call here is or if there are any meaningful calls to be made. I doubt it. They probably just want to get some ratings out of us making plans we can't keep. And even if it was real...

I don't know what Winn's life is now. If he's in his world. If he's with someone else. If he remembers me at all. [Today was about trying to move on in a more real way from living in the past with Winn. She didn't expect to be back here with it.]

Well, it can't be completely not about Meryl. [He can easily admit that.] It's one thing to tell you that I love you both when she's not here. It would be another for me to tell you that I love you both and you seeing me love both you and someone else at the same time. [He still doesn't see why it would be a problem even as he admits that others would see it as a problem. He just respects the fact that she might not like it much.]

It still might be good to have a plant just in case it ever does become real. [He bites at his lip.] If he didn't remember the fleet at all and was with someone else would you still rather be there? On a world where you can at least see him. Touch him. Be friends with him? Even if it might mean being nothing more than that? [He's genuinely curious about her answer. He's not sure what answer he would give. On the one hand there are many he would give up so much just to see again, but the pain of being able to see and not touch would be nearly unbearable after awhile.]

Yeah. [She adds when he says it's different when they are all together. She is definitely someone who sees that as a problem and probably not something she can try to logic her way out of even if she could come up with some convincing logic for it.]

[When the topic heads back to Winn she quietly listens.] No. Yes. [The words fall out automatically, contradictory and annoyingly. She feels like she couldn't handle that scenario or that it would only bring both of them more pain than either of them deserve. She also feels like if there is any chance in the universe of being with him how could she not take it?] I guess I feel strongly both ways. [A joke, but without much humor. She feels like maybe she should explain more, but she also feels odd doing it with Vash.]

Is this really something you want to hear about? I mean... Doesn't it... Isn't it hard?

It's a little hard. [He admits, but hard for different reasons. He felt only a little jealousy towards Winn. Mostly in that he knows he can never make Kitty as happy as she was when he was around, but he never felt truly in competition for her love with Winn. Partly because it was so clear where he fell in terms of Kitty's love. To Vash he assumed he would forever and always be at best second, if not third, in Kitty's heart. This was something he was okay with.] I don't like thinking about what comes after this show. Surprisingly life is much easier here on the fleet then back home. I think that might be Stockholm syndrome or something, but it's true.

But it's also important that we try to figure out what we want. Likely if we get a choice, as unrealistic as that might seem at times, we won't have a long time to debate what we want then. [He reaches out with his right arm, the one that wears the bracelet she had made for him, to hold her hand. Giving it a small squeeze to possibly comfort himself more than her at this point.] So I think it's important that we have an idea of what we want. Including your chances at finding Winn and the different ways that it could go if you do find him.

[She feels almost relieved that he admits it's a little hard. Maybe because it feels more honest. Maybe just because she doesn't want to be alone in it being hard. She has always known and accepted Meryl. It even made her feel better in some ways, but the thought of going home or to different worlds or being in direct competition with her is not a good feeling.]

I don't think it's Stockholm syndrome. I mean, some of our lives just are easier here. Better even. That doesn't mean it's okay what they did to us. I'm not grateful to our unseen overlords for their meddling even if it gave me more time and less fighting for my life and the lives of others. [At least not for herself and not for most people she knows in these situations. There are probably a few who do like the Atroma.

She squeezes his hand, glancing down to the bracelet for a moment before responding to the important part.] What I want isn't necessarily what I can have. Especially if I want conflicting things.

Why can't we have what we want? [It's asked as a hypothetical. He doesn't really think she has an answer to that. For the moment he just feels a bit defeated right now.]

I don't know. [She says it softly. There's no good answer for that. Hell, maybe it's not even true. Maybe she's so used to not getting what she wants that she just stopped trying for that and just tilts at whatever windmill feels most important instead.]

What do you want?

What I want? [That was pretty easy. It's not something that has really changed even during his time spent on the fleet.] I want a normal life. I want a life without crazed brothers that want to see everything I care about be destroyed. I want to live on a planet that's green and healthy. A place that me and the people I love could live in peace together. [So you know... nothing big or anything like that.]

[Just that, huh? She gives him a soft smile and rubs his arm.] No donuts?

[He laughs and realizes how much he needed that laugh.] Well of course there will be donuts! The perfect planet would have them rain from the sky.

So always assume donuts? Got it. And when people say it's sprinkling they mean donuts with sprinkles?

Exactly. Now you're getting it. [He gives her hand a small squeeze.] What about you? Do you know what you want if anything was possible?

Probably chocolate icing. Unless you mean about everything and then... [She kind of trails off, a far away look settling into her expression before continuing softly.] I'd want my parents back. And my students and all the X-Men to be safe. The whole world. Everyone. I want the fighting to stop and Apocalypse and his forces defeated and things to rebuild and... [She shakes her head instead of continuing. The next part feels wrong to say in front of Vash even if he already knows.]

...and be with Winn? [He offers with a soft smile.] Because I think that sounds really nice.

Yeah, that guy. [She says it softly, grateful for his kindness and the reassuring smile and words as much as she feels guilty about them. Vash deserves someone to love him fully and she always feels like she's doing it with one hand tied behind her back. It's your hands that hold the love, right?]

You know this... This getting rid of his stuff and making more room isn't just to try and move on. Something I'm clearly very good at. [Bah dum ching!] It was to make more room for your stuff. [Should she be using past tense?]

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