☮ 002. ((audio))

[delincuente]

Who: Alex Russo and you
Broadcast: Most definitely fleet-wide!
Action: SS Paisley
When: Saturday night

[Just before midnight on Saturday, the network picks up what may or may not be a familiar sound - the click of a cassette tape 'PLAY' button, a couple seconds of bumpy white noise, and then -

This very fitting song, in its marvelous entirety.

Oh, the things you find in a novelty shop on a foreign star system. Alex is eternally grateful, even if the fleet at large isn't. And when has she not found joy in driving people mad?]

Comments

[delincuente]

Same place I found the wind-up walking dick.

[She gives him a bright grin.]

[asinisterkid]

Please tell me it has googly eyes.

...Or is it too forward to be asking about your dick? I mean, you did bring it up.

[delincuente]

Hey, I'm an open book. Ask all you want.

[She grabs the bunk's metal leg, and swings herself back into a sitting position.]

And I could totally give it some. Everyone likes a little pizzazz.

[asinisterkid]

Well, then I guess I should return the courtesy. It would only be polite.

[ He grins and shrugs. Congratulations, Alex. You now have question-asking privileges. Whether those privileges extend to his dick -- or beyond his dick -- is left deliberately vague. ]

And I think googly eyes would give it that extra spark of personality a wind-up walking dick needs. But that's just me.

[delincuente]

[She will hoard those privileges like treasure, Mr. Todd.]

I mean, personally, I think it would be a big improvement. Really make it endearing. Give it that human charm.

[asinisterkid]

I know when I look at a dick, the first thing I think is, "This could be more anthropomorphic."

[ Too far? Nah, no such thing. ]

I mean, if it's going to be outside and walking around, it should at least be friendly-looking.

[delincuente]

Same, to be honest.

[She's trying so hard not to crack up right now.]

I want something I feel I can really interact with. You know, have a nice chat.

[The last bit is said with a goofy fake-posh accent.]

[asinisterkid]

Of course. [ The snooty British accent he's adopting now is courtesy of Alfred Pennyworth, who would probably have himself a litter of kittens if he could hear Jason now. ]

If you wouldn't have your penis over for a cup of tea and polite conversation, what good is it, really? Of course, one hopes it's well-behaved enough to not dribble all over the scones...

[delincuente]

[Alex gives a full-on horse laugh at that.]

I hate when my dick dribbles on the scones, man. Ruins everything.

[asinisterkid]

It's the worst. [ Despite his grin, he's still sounding completely earnest right now. It's a gift. ]

And then you're just sitting there like, [ shifty eyes ] "Really, I have no idea how that happened. They... uh... they came like this."

[delincuente]

[That pushes her over the top, and she falls back against her pillow, laughing harder than she probably has in months.]

We're children. Like, I'm pretty sure we're twelve right now.

[asinisterkid]

[ He laughs a little, himself, and settles on his wall-adjacent bunk. ]

Is that individual ages, or combined age? I really can't tell, yet I'm pretty okay with it all.

[delincuente]

We're the best officers on this hunk of metal.

[She raps fondly on one of the walls.]

... Wait, do you count as an officer?

[asinisterkid]

Nah, cook's a civilian augment. Though I've been thinking about trading up for security. [ He doesn't miss their creepy Vader-esque security guy so much as he misses the armory that came with him. It's a problem. ]

...Of course, I do that, we lose the few vaguely foodlike things we got when I transferred over.

[ Guns or food. ...This is not an easy choice for him. ]

[delincuente]

So, technically I'm your superior or something?

[There's a snarky grin to accompany this. Alex really doesn't have any understanding of how these things work, but she's down for any poke she can make at him.]

Dude, no. Until we get actual dangerous stuff going on here, food's way more important.

[asinisterkid]

I don't know. Are you?

[ His own grin's got a bit of playful challenge in it -- you want to lord it over him, prove you're up to it. Or prove that's your kink. EITHER ONE.

His expression goes a little more solemn at her next comment, though. ]

Only problem with that is that by the time the actual dangerous stuff gets here, it'll be too late. You know danger... never bothers to RSVP, always brings friends. Downright rude of it.

Still, we may get lucky and get a security person in the shuffle. And even if we don't, if we upgrade the kitchen, I'll be able to switch jobs without us losing all the goodies.

[delincuente]

Being in charge is too much work. I'm more the mysterious, manipulative type.

[Alex stretches out her foot to try to kick him, across the gap between beds. She's being honest, rather than taking the flirting any farther, but that doesn't mean she's not going to poke at him.

At the words "dangerous stuff", though, she pauses, her grin loosening.]

Yeah? And you think you can handle whatever a place like this can throw at us?

[asinisterkid]

[ Are we having Serious Conversation now? Well shit, it looks like we are. Jason's none too happy about that, but it's gotta happen sometime.

He moves out of the way of her kick, and rests his elbows on his knees. ]

Honestly? I can handle a lot. If you need someone to shoot something, blow something up, or hit something until it stops moving, I'm your guy.

I'm not a one-man army, though. I'm good, but I'm not superhuman.

[ He shrugs. ]

And if our television overlords decide it would be really good for ratings to make the walls start bleeding, or use the chips in our heads to make us hallucinate dead family members, I got nothing.

So put me down for a firm maybe on that count. I'm pretty sure I'm better than nothing, anyway.

[delincuente]

[Alex hates the shift, but she's been keeping up a perky face for weeks here. Sometimes, real words have to come out.]

Glad you got that handled, then. I can throw, like, half a punch. Kept meaning to learn to shoot, back in Paradisa, but I never did.

[She reaches down to slide her wand out of her boot, just an inch or two.]

Usually, I just depend on this, until the walls start bleeding or whatever.

... The castle used to pull some really bad stuff. From what people are saying, it'll be a piece of cake here.

[asinisterkid]

[ He doesn't respond to the mention of really bad stuff, not directly, but the look he gives her is the kind of sober regard one person who's been through hell gives another. They're pretty skilled at distracting with snark, but it's starting to look to Jason like they've both Seen Some Shit.

Basically, Alex, he knows that feel. Does he ever know that feel. ]

Well, we don't have our fun little laser guns at the moment, but once we do, I can teach you to shoot, if you still want to learn.

...Probably easier with laser weapons, anyway. No recoil.

[ And while he might miss the guns he's familiar with, he's a big fan of not putting bullet holes in the hull. That way lies horrible death. ]

And hey, if you ever want to learn to throw a whole punch...

[ He grins. ]

...not that I'm doubting your skills with your -- is that a wand? -- but it's always good to have options.

[delincuente]

[She smiles back at him and pulls the wand all the way out, eager for a distraction from the way her scar is starting to prickle. The green bulb at one end glows at her touch.]

Yeah, sparkles and all. Pretty handy for pulling epic pranks, but kind of crap when it comes to monsters or something.

[His heavy look gets across just fine, and it puts a warmth in her chest that's been pretty come-and-go as of late. She doesn't have to tell him anything - he sees it through her jokes, that she's a real person with real pain and fear, and that's the best she can want from someone.]

You're gonna regret that offer. Me with lasers?

[That gets a bit of a horse laugh from her.]

There won't be a Paisley left. We'll have to go live on the Wonderduck.

[asinisterkid]

Epic pranks, huh? C'mon, spill.

[ He grins. Excellent change of topic. Let's get away from the trauma and back to the dick jokes. ]

And they can't blow a hole in the hull, as far as I know, so you should be fine, so long as we keep to the cargo hold to start.

[delincuente]

[She gets the vibe from his grin that he wants a topic change, and forces her grin wider.]

Well, there was the time I filled all the balls in the school gym with jelly.

[Dick jokes, eh?]

You should've seen the dodgeball game the next day.

[asinisterkid]

Beautiful. Please tell me someone got a video of that.

[ Though the forced quality to that grin makes him worry a little, and he holds up a finger in a "one more thing" gesture. He's a little quieter when he continues talking. ]

Though, just so we're clear... that was a "whee, something that might cheer us both up" attempt at a topic change, not a "shut the hell up with your depressing shit" attempt at a topic change.

You ever need to talk about the bad shit, I'll listen. Hell, you've probably guessed from the time I woke up trying to kill the top bunk that I'm not exactly trauma-free over here. So yeah. You want to avoid, I'm good with avoiding. You don't want to avoid, I'm good with that too.

...And if you just want to drink until the feelings go away, I have shittastic space vodka. Options! [ There are jazz hands. Because Jason is a huge dork. ]

[delincuente]

[The grin hangs on for a moment, but flatlines as he speaks. Alex looks down, suddenly very focused in a stray string at her jumpsuit's seams. She twitches her nose and purses her lips, clearly the absolute picture of Comfortable With Life in General.]

Not much to talk about. Just-

[Alex cuts off then, and instead reaches for to the neck of her tank top. She tugs it down, which would ordinarily be quite a nice site for a male bunkmate, except for the truly nasty scar stretching down from her sternum. ]

This crap's pretty old hat for most of you guys, you know? I grew up in Tribeca. I worked in a sandwich shop. Worst I ever got hurt was falling off a bike.

[She gives a shrug, falling back into the pillows.]

I don't care how shittastic it is, you're gonna share that vodka.