driftfleet | Video

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Who: Anders, a kitten and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Planetside. Probably among the trees.
When: A couple days after this post. That's right, this means war.

[Anders has something very important to say. Terribly important.]

It's been brought to my attention that the fleet has been suffering under a loss of fuzzy animals, although that's quickly being fixed with all these fuzzy slugs. But more importantly, there's one fuzzy animal that deserves appreciation, something my dear friend, Lady Cousland reminded me of.

[The camera tilts down to show a small tabby-orange kitten playing in the grass and leaves on the forest floor, stalking some bug or another, but never drifting too far from Anders' side.]

This is Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, the cutest kitten in the world. Aren't you the cutest kitten in the world? No mean dog is better than you, isn't that right, Ser Pounce?

[Completely unashamed of the baby-talk he just dissolved into, Anders puts his hand out for Pounce to jump onto his arm and up to his shoulder, purring and rubbing his head against Anders' chin.]

He's also incredibly intelligent and he knows it.

[He holds up a hand up to the camera.]

Please, hold your applause, I know this sad fleet has been kitten-starved. You're welcome.

[Is he serious?

You bet your ass he is. Right down to the baby-talking a kitten. Shame? He doesn't know the meaning of the word.]

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Wonderful. Now you'll be twice as insufferable as you usually are.

[Fenris can you maybe not be a spiteful bitch to him like, once? ]

And Riona is right. Mabaris are much better companions.

Edited 2016-07-05 19:54 (UTC)

[Anders obnoxiously makes certain the camera can catch as he boops noses with his kitten.]

Don't you listen to the mean elf, Ser-Pounce-A-Lot! He just doesn't have any taste.

[Now he glances over at the camera like the snarky bitch he is.]

Which is clear to anyone.

Are you saying the Warden Commander has no taste, either, then?

[You wanna go, Anders? YOU WANNA GO?!! ]

I would never say that! She's nothing but a gem, a gem set into the shape of a mabari hound, granted.

[Listen to that suck-up. He loves Riona, he does...he just doesn't love that puppy.]

It's just you. You're a party of one, you and your tastes.

And yet her tastes mirror my own. She clearly prefers her hound to your...cat.

[Whatever, loser, your cat's still weird. ]

She's prettier than you are.

[Which is clearly the main difference here.]

I don't blame her for that! Everyone cares for their pet more than someone else's, it's more her..choice of breed.

I am not convinced she can be swayed by flattery.

[At least he's not contesting that. ]

You do not like the mabari?

She can't, I've tried. It's a true tragedy.

[Boy, had he flirted with her. Maybe not the best life choice when you know the woman in question is a queen, but no harm done since they'd ended up friends anyway.]

It's less dislike and more...distaste. When was the last time you found something else's spit all over you an appealing trait? For a dog, he seems sweet enough.

The mabari are noble beasts. Warhounds. They have earned their right to...spit on you. I do not think cats have earned such a right. Unless, of course, you know of one that has helped in battle?

Ser-Pounce-A-Lot has helped in battle loads of times! All kinds of darkspawn have suffered at his sharp little kitten claws.

That cat. Has battled darkspawn?

[His tone couldn't be more full of disbelief if he tried. And he's probably trying.]

Yes!

[He's practically affronted that his cat's honor is coming into question.]

When one gets too close to me without my notice, he takes a good swipe at it. He's drawn plenty of blood. He's a warrior.

[Could he be more proud? Nope.]

He is tiny. How can he do any damage to anything? Let alone a dawkspawn.

[Kittens aren't warriors, Anders, Maker. ]

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I'm glad someone agrees with me. [+15 Friendship points for you, Fenris!!] They're loyal, good beasts who only ask for love and belly rubs in return.

[Awww yeah, Friendship points! ]

Certainly. They are noble, too, given their history.

Indeed. I'm curious, what do you know about the mabari? Most of their stories aren't particularly common outside of Ferelden.

[OH YES GOOD, HIS FAVOURITE MABARI STORY. Right in Anders' post, too. Suck it, cat-lover. He sounds SO PLEASED.]

Well. Were you aware that they originated in Tevinter? They came with their masters when the magisters invaded the South. And then defected to the Ferelden's side.

In Ferelden they're often said to be descended from the wolves that followed the hero, Dane. But that's a myth, more or less. Likely, they did come with the magisters. Their intelligence and size must be from some magic in the blood.

[She glances over at her own hound, who's currently curled up into a ball, sleeping on her bed.]

While I revere Dane like any good Fereldan, there's something enjoyable about the thought of them turning on the magisters. Would also explain why this one was so keen on taking a bite out of the last one we saw.

Good dog.

[He means that with all his heart. Murder all of them. Except Dorian. Probably. ]

But yes, I like the thought they disliked the magisters so much that they would turn on them and join with the 'barbarians'.

Took a good chunk out of him, too. But that's what you get for trying to enslave an entire alienage.

[And then some. Like a sword through the gut.]

I wonder: do you think the mabari's ability to choose a master and sense their worth was something the magisters were deliberately going for, or something that unintentionally developed?

Truly? The slavers are known for their brashness, but an entire alienage? It is fortunate that you were there.

[And he truly means that. Just because he doesn't like alienage elves doesn't mean he wants them in shackles. ]

Likely something unintentional. Or perhaps they did develop it and did not expect it to turn against them. They are woefully unable to realise their own downfalls and flaws.

It was during the Blight. Loghain needed coin for his war, so he made a deal with Tevinter slavers: the alienage elves for their coin. As luck had it, there was an outbreak of some sort of illness in the alienage, so the slavers came in the guise of healers. The ill - both truly ill and not - were taken in... and never came out.

[The memory still rankled her. She knew Loghain wasn't the best person, but to steep that low? To sell the very people he was supposed to protect?]

That wouldn't surprise me. Makes it all the more fitting if it was intentional. [And WAY more amusing.]

[Fenris' expression shifts. There's some anger there, rumbling behind it all, but it;s the sheer, unadulterated hatred that really comes shining through. ]

And that was the man who wished to be king. When he was willing to be as underhanded to that towards his own people. ...I suppose I should not be surprised.

[This is why Fenris trusts exactly 3% of the entire world. ]

That much is true.

A man once called the Hero of Ferelden, no less. I don't know if he was always like that, or if his paranoia drove him to it. But I don't believe anyone thought he would ever stoop so far.

[Anora had been disgusted with it. Not that that mattered in the end. She'd been more concerned with maintaining her position that standing for what was right.]