driftfleet | Video

Who: Anders, a kitten and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Planetside. Probably among the trees.
When: A couple days after this post. That's right, this means war.

[Anders has something very important to say. Terribly important.]

It's been brought to my attention that the fleet has been suffering under a loss of fuzzy animals, although that's quickly being fixed with all these fuzzy slugs. But more importantly, there's one fuzzy animal that deserves appreciation, something my dear friend, Lady Cousland reminded me of.

[The camera tilts down to show a small tabby-orange kitten playing in the grass and leaves on the forest floor, stalking some bug or another, but never drifting too far from Anders' side.]

This is Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, the cutest kitten in the world. Aren't you the cutest kitten in the world? No mean dog is better than you, isn't that right, Ser Pounce?

[Completely unashamed of the baby-talk he just dissolved into, Anders puts his hand out for Pounce to jump onto his arm and up to his shoulder, purring and rubbing his head against Anders' chin.]

He's also incredibly intelligent and he knows it.

[He holds up a hand up to the camera.]

Please, hold your applause, I know this sad fleet has been kitten-starved. You're welcome.

[Is he serious?

You bet your ass he is. Right down to the baby-talking a kitten. Shame? He doesn't know the meaning of the word.]

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[Anders obnoxiously makes certain the camera can catch as he boops noses with his kitten.]

Don't you listen to the mean elf, Ser-Pounce-A-Lot! He just doesn't have any taste.

[Now he glances over at the camera like the snarky bitch he is.]

Which is clear to anyone.

Are you saying the Warden Commander has no taste, either, then?

[You wanna go, Anders? YOU WANNA GO?!! ]

I would never say that! She's nothing but a gem, a gem set into the shape of a mabari hound, granted.

[Listen to that suck-up. He loves Riona, he does...he just doesn't love that puppy.]

It's just you. You're a party of one, you and your tastes.

And yet her tastes mirror my own. She clearly prefers her hound to your...cat.

[Whatever, loser, your cat's still weird. ]

She's prettier than you are.

[Which is clearly the main difference here.]

I don't blame her for that! Everyone cares for their pet more than someone else's, it's more her..choice of breed.

I am not convinced she can be swayed by flattery.

[At least he's not contesting that. ]

You do not like the mabari?

She can't, I've tried. It's a true tragedy.

[Boy, had he flirted with her. Maybe not the best life choice when you know the woman in question is a queen, but no harm done since they'd ended up friends anyway.]

It's less dislike and more...distaste. When was the last time you found something else's spit all over you an appealing trait? For a dog, he seems sweet enough.

The mabari are noble beasts. Warhounds. They have earned their right to...spit on you. I do not think cats have earned such a right. Unless, of course, you know of one that has helped in battle?

Ser-Pounce-A-Lot has helped in battle loads of times! All kinds of darkspawn have suffered at his sharp little kitten claws.

That cat. Has battled darkspawn?

[His tone couldn't be more full of disbelief if he tried. And he's probably trying.]

Yes!

[He's practically affronted that his cat's honor is coming into question.]

When one gets too close to me without my notice, he takes a good swipe at it. He's drawn plenty of blood. He's a warrior.

[Could he be more proud? Nope.]

He is tiny. How can he do any damage to anything? Let alone a dawkspawn.

[Kittens aren't warriors, Anders, Maker. ]

You have clearly never been scratched by a cat before.

He draws blood.

[Why don't you try to pet his belly, Fenris. Then you can decide if he's a warrior.]

Hardly enough to make much of a difference. A war dog can bite. With big teeth.

And then they can get sick with the Blight and suffer. Well done.

[Well, he was trying to be nice. But he's Anders and it can only last so long.]

[At least that's normal. He can live with this. ]

So can the people it saved. Better the animal die than a number of people it is defending.

Not if it's your pet! You're supposed to care for your companions, not send them off to die for you because it's more convenient.

You were just bragging at what a good fighter your cat is.

He is! But I take great care to make sure his paws are washed after and not by licking them.

And if the cat deigns to bite the darkspawn?

[He winces.]

Then...I'd find a cure or some way to help. I'm a healer, right? I can heal a cat.

[It's definitely true, he's definitely not trying to convince himself. His brow furrows a beat later and he waves the idea away like he can simply dismiss the sudden downturn of the conversation.]

What does it matter? It's all theoretical, anyway! Pounce hasn't bitten a Darkspawn and there aren't any of the foul things here anyway.

[...so there]

You can cure the Blight, can you?

[That came out a little more testily than he wanted but he lets it stand. ]

...Yes, something we can be glad for. A man suffering from the Blight was here for a while, though.

[The glare he sends Fenris' way is so full of 'Shut Up Fenris' that it might seem as though he's suddenly become his older self in the matter of seconds.

But the mention of a man suffering from the Blight draws his attention away from his annoyance.]

I assume he wasn't a Grey Warden. I'm surprised a place...like this doesn't have the ability to find a cure. I suppose some things remain impossible no matter what.

[That might or might not be disappointing. True, he'd jumped with both feet into this new life of Wardening and fighting Darkspawn, but that didn't mean the idea of eventually succumbing to the Calling was any more appealing.]

[Don't think he didn't catch that. Ser. He so did. ]

No. He was the son of a Magister. One of the few decent people I have ever met from the Imperium. Atroma kept him alive, it did not allow the Blight to grow within him, though he still felt the pain from it.

From what I understand, when he returned home, he died.

[He supposes he shouldn't be surprised to hear this impossible place could keep something like the Blight at bay, but it crosses his expression all the same. It's quickly followed by sympathy.]

I'm sorry.

I wouldn't wish the blight on anyone, it's a terrible way to go.

[Whether Fenris believes him or not.]

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