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[apurrstate]

Who: Anders, a kitten and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Planetside. Probably among the trees.
When: A couple days after this post. That's right, this means war.

[Anders has something very important to say. Terribly important.]

It's been brought to my attention that the fleet has been suffering under a loss of fuzzy animals, although that's quickly being fixed with all these fuzzy slugs. But more importantly, there's one fuzzy animal that deserves appreciation, something my dear friend, Lady Cousland reminded me of.

[The camera tilts down to show a small tabby-orange kitten playing in the grass and leaves on the forest floor, stalking some bug or another, but never drifting too far from Anders' side.]

This is Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, the cutest kitten in the world. Aren't you the cutest kitten in the world? No mean dog is better than you, isn't that right, Ser Pounce?

[Completely unashamed of the baby-talk he just dissolved into, Anders puts his hand out for Pounce to jump onto his arm and up to his shoulder, purring and rubbing his head against Anders' chin.]

He's also incredibly intelligent and he knows it.

[He holds up a hand up to the camera.]

Please, hold your applause, I know this sad fleet has been kitten-starved. You're welcome.

[Is he serious?

You bet your ass he is. Right down to the baby-talking a kitten. Shame? He doesn't know the meaning of the word.]

Comments

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[brainiest]

I don't know if he's the cutest in the world.

[ And Hermione holds up her own giant ginger fluffball, fighting her smile. ]

Snap?

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[apurrstate]

Well, he's certainly the smallest.

[But he does coo at her ginger fluffball. All cats are precious, after all.]

He's so cute! How do you manage all that fur, though?

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[brainiest]

I think we might be running a tied race.

[ Crookshanks wiggles in her hold and moves to shove his face into her neck. It's ticklish. ]

He takes care of it alone for the most part, I just have to make sure it doesn't knot. It'll be easier once he's grown up again.

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[apurrstate]

You're probably right. I can't, in good conscience, claim one cat is better than another. They both win.

[He smiles at the display and Pounce decides it's a good idea to bat at his earring before jumping off his shoulder to hunt something else.]

You said 'grow up again.' Riona's dog came to her as a puppy when it had been fully grown before, is that the case for your cat?

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[bryces_pup]

[u wanna go bruh

U WANNA FUCKIN GO]

Mean? And whose dog would you be referring to?

[Step carefully Anders.]

Also, while I'm sure he's quite smart, mabari have cats beat in that area.

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[apurrstate]

[BRING IT Queen of drool-bags!!]

There are mean mabari! They're war hounds, it's what they do!

And surely not yours, my dearest lady. He seems...decent enough for a dog.

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[bryces_pup]

Decent? Maker's breath, Anders. Do you really not know better than to half-ass a compliment to a Fereldan's mabari?

[She's just as nutty of an animal parent as he is, truth be told. She's just better at hiding it. Mostly.]

They're only "mean" in battle. And I doubt you're a sweetie pie when you're hurling fireballs at your enemies.

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[apurrstate]

I'm always a sweetie pie, I'll have you know.

And it wasn't half-assed! I meant it. He's smart and I'm sure he'll be a ferocious beast someday.

He just drools too much. It's messy.

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[wolfuncaged]

Wonderful. Now you'll be twice as insufferable as you usually are.

[Fenris can you maybe not be a spiteful bitch to him like, once? ]

And Riona is right. Mabaris are much better companions.

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[apurrstate]

[Anders obnoxiously makes certain the camera can catch as he boops noses with his kitten.]

Don't you listen to the mean elf, Ser-Pounce-A-Lot! He just doesn't have any taste.

[Now he glances over at the camera like the snarky bitch he is.]

Which is clear to anyone.

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[wolfuncaged]

Are you saying the Warden Commander has no taste, either, then?

[You wanna go, Anders? YOU WANNA GO?!! ]

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[bryces_pup]

I'm glad someone agrees with me. [+15 Friendship points for you, Fenris!!] They're loyal, good beasts who only ask for love and belly rubs in return.

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[wolfuncaged]

[Awww yeah, Friendship points! ]

Certainly. They are noble, too, given their history.

[goldenglasses]

Looks like we have a new crew member then. Welcome Ser Pounce. No sleeping in my laundry and I think we should be fine.

[apurrstate]

Is that something cats do where you're from? I don't think I've ever seen that before.

Well, except dirty laundry left laying around.

But, anyway, I'm sure he'll be an invaluable member of this crew. He can hunt those space-rats!

[goldenglasses]

I swear. I didn't even own a cat but anytime I was near one I'd wake up with their fur all over my stuff or one snuggled up inside my coat! Especially if I had just washed something.

[wolfehawke]

I'm going to have to go with the Warden-Commander on this one. I much prefer a Mabari who minds commands and gives back as much affection as he's given than a cat who's greatest joy in life is planting itself directly in the middle of anything you happen to be reading or headbutting the privy door open when you're trying to do your business.

[Things their old Tom had done, back in Orlais. Things Hawke hated and complained about often. Things he sometimes misses now.

Hawke scratches at his beard, peering at his screen with interest anyway, despite his pronouncement about dogs versus cats. Anders had talked of Ser-Pounce often and to finally see the cat is another window into parts of Anders' life that Hawke hadn't been there for.]

He is a handsome animal though, I grant you. Even if he turns you into a gibbering fool.

[A grin, clearly the insult meant in jest.]

[apurrstate]

Those things make them charming! Cats simply want to be where you are all the time, no matter what you're doing or what they have to do to do it.

[When did he become surrounded by all these dog-lovers? He's going to need to go and sit with Hermione, she's the only one who understands, apparently.]

It's one of my finer qualities, honestly.

[But now he returns his attention to Pounce who climbs up his sleeve to sit on his shoulder.]

Did you hear that, kitty? Hawke thinks you're handsome! You are quite handsome, aren't you?

[wolfehawke]

I'll personally take a hound who knows the meaning of a locked door, thank you, but as you like.

[He can't help smiling at Anders' baby-talking at his pet. The feline seems just as happy to see him, too, and it puts Hawke in mind of just how affronted Anders had been when they first met him about the Grey Wardens having made him get rid of his cat. It made sense to Hawke at the time; Carver was right, who takes a pet into the Deep Roads? But learning about Anders time in Kinloch Hold, finding out the reason why Anders attached himself to cats so quickly, it makes more sense why he would never want to let it out of his sight.]

Maybe you can find him a handsome collar to go with his handsome face in town? One of my odd jobs currently is at a weaver's.

[And a slug shop, and one of the hot springs resorts, and the tavern, and a roasted nuts stand on the dock, and all sorts of other places that will have him, and all that besides Malum on the Iskaulit. It's a wonder if he ever sleeps.]

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[universal_charm]

You're making me regret agreeing to go to that tree with you.

_{[ Because oh my god, Anders, really? ]}

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[apurrstate]

No you don't, Captain.

[He gives a cheeky grin.]

It was a date to remember!

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[universal_charm]

Oh, a date was it? If I had known that, I would have put on a nicer shirt for you.

Planet Spill Over; For Hermione

[apurrstate]

[Continued from here]

[It's clear in his face that Anders finds it fantastic. It might only be a small thing, but she might as well have just turned a chair to solid gold.]

Amazing. Shapeshifting is hardly a new concept, if rare in execution, but transformation isn't something I've ever seen myself. It requires a certain kind of focus and power I've never encountered.

[His eyes shine as he looks from the pencil to Hermione, nearly like a student eager to learn.]

Could you explain the principle behind how you manage it?

[brainiest]

Of course!

[ Anders: New Best Friend, Confirmed. ]

It's essentially a like for like transformation - you need to have the same amount of something to turn it into something else. You can't really turn a match into a chair, for example - there's just not enough materials. You need to think about bodyweight, viscousness, wand power, your concentration and a few other variables depending on what it is you're actually transfiguring.

[ She transforms it back into a hairpin, slotting it into the man of her hair slowly. ]

There's a little bit of leeway, of course, but it helps if they're the same size, or the same material or likeness. You can transfigure parts of the human body, too, but if you turn into an animal then legally you have to report it.

[apurrstate]

[He nods, eating up every scrap of information she had to give. Nothing fascinated him quite like the gift they shared.]

That makes perfect sense.

[The whole thing about animals and having to report it is strange to him, however.]

Report it to who? The Chantry, or whatever like you have of it? I can't imagine they'd be too happy about it. Is shapeshifting common in your world? It takes a lot of practice and can be dangerous in mine and most Circles frown upon it anyway. I've always thought it'd be amazing to try.