driftfleet | Video

Who: Anders, a kitten and you
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Planetside. Probably among the trees.
When: A couple days after this post. That's right, this means war.

[Anders has something very important to say. Terribly important.]

It's been brought to my attention that the fleet has been suffering under a loss of fuzzy animals, although that's quickly being fixed with all these fuzzy slugs. But more importantly, there's one fuzzy animal that deserves appreciation, something my dear friend, Lady Cousland reminded me of.

[The camera tilts down to show a small tabby-orange kitten playing in the grass and leaves on the forest floor, stalking some bug or another, but never drifting too far from Anders' side.]

This is Ser-Pounce-A-Lot, the cutest kitten in the world. Aren't you the cutest kitten in the world? No mean dog is better than you, isn't that right, Ser Pounce?

[Completely unashamed of the baby-talk he just dissolved into, Anders puts his hand out for Pounce to jump onto his arm and up to his shoulder, purring and rubbing his head against Anders' chin.]

He's also incredibly intelligent and he knows it.

[He holds up a hand up to the camera.]

Please, hold your applause, I know this sad fleet has been kitten-starved. You're welcome.

[Is he serious?

You bet your ass he is. Right down to the baby-talking a kitten. Shame? He doesn't know the meaning of the word.]

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I'm going to have to go with the Warden-Commander on this one. I much prefer a Mabari who minds commands and gives back as much affection as he's given than a cat who's greatest joy in life is planting itself directly in the middle of anything you happen to be reading or headbutting the privy door open when you're trying to do your business.

[Things their old Tom had done, back in Orlais. Things Hawke hated and complained about often. Things he sometimes misses now.

Hawke scratches at his beard, peering at his screen with interest anyway, despite his pronouncement about dogs versus cats. Anders had talked of Ser-Pounce often and to finally see the cat is another window into parts of Anders' life that Hawke hadn't been there for.]

He is a handsome animal though, I grant you. Even if he turns you into a gibbering fool.

[A grin, clearly the insult meant in jest.]

Those things make them charming! Cats simply want to be where you are all the time, no matter what you're doing or what they have to do to do it.

[When did he become surrounded by all these dog-lovers? He's going to need to go and sit with Hermione, she's the only one who understands, apparently.]

It's one of my finer qualities, honestly.

[But now he returns his attention to Pounce who climbs up his sleeve to sit on his shoulder.]

Did you hear that, kitty? Hawke thinks you're handsome! You are quite handsome, aren't you?

I'll personally take a hound who knows the meaning of a locked door, thank you, but as you like.

[He can't help smiling at Anders' baby-talking at his pet. The feline seems just as happy to see him, too, and it puts Hawke in mind of just how affronted Anders had been when they first met him about the Grey Wardens having made him get rid of his cat. It made sense to Hawke at the time; Carver was right, who takes a pet into the Deep Roads? But learning about Anders time in Kinloch Hold, finding out the reason why Anders attached himself to cats so quickly, it makes more sense why he would never want to let it out of his sight.]

Maybe you can find him a handsome collar to go with his handsome face in town? One of my odd jobs currently is at a weaver's.

[And a slug shop, and one of the hot springs resorts, and the tavern, and a roasted nuts stand on the dock, and all sorts of other places that will have him, and all that besides Malum on the Iskaulit. It's a wonder if he ever sleeps.]

I'm pretty certain you work everywhere.

[But he clearly likes the idea.]

Alright, maybe I'll find this weaver of yours and see if I can't get Pounce a collar. Something dashing, perhaps, befitting of a Grey Warden Kitty.

[He smirked and raised an eyebrow.]

If I time it right, maybe I'll catch you there.

It could be...an apos-date.

[Oh Anders. Oh. Anders. The floodgate you just opened...

Hawke grins widely into the camera, cocking one eyebrow.]

Careful, I hear that can lead to mage-trimony.

[Nope, he can't keep it together. He busts out laughing, a light and unfettered sound.]

You know, I don't think I've actually heard that one before. Well played, Hawke.

[He concedes this round, but not without the huge grin splitting his face, demonstrating exactly how not-broken up about this he was. Pun fights were the best thing to lose.]

[There. That's what he's been trying to get out of Anders since the day they met. A full, unbridled guffaw. It warms his heart more than anything he's experienced since arriving and nearly makes him break his personal embargo on being more than generally friendly or flirty with Anders. But he can't. He won't take advantage of him, not like that.

You're a good man

If only being a good man didn't come at such a price.]

Of course. I'm good at anything I set my mind to, you know. Even things that should get me pun-ished.

Oh! Punished, huh? I can think of a few things.

Assuming that isn't too hawkeward for you.

[Puns and flirting. He shouldn't be having this much fun with it. He shouldn't half mean it. Luckily, it was all to easy to hide behind jokes.]

Not at all! So long as you don't let it get around. I would hate to think you a perpetrator of sl-anders to my name.

[He can do this all day.]

[Anders groans and covers his face with his hand.]

Nope, I can't do it anymore. That was simply too awful.

Your punishment is no longer being able to see my handsome face.

[He should hang up. He covers the camera with his hand instead.]

That's hardly a fitting prize for my efforts!

[He raises his voice as if Anders can't cover his presence if he's simply louder.]

I'm sure we could come to an anderstanding about this. Or is it just that you're jealous I won this war of words hawke, line, and sinker.

[His voice is slightly muffled due to his hand over the communicator, but it can still be heard.]

Well, that stands to reason as it's a punishment!

[And then...] Nope. No. Good bye, Hawke. Let me know if you come up with something better sometime. [...he hangs up.]

...aww.

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