driftfleet | 009 // i carry your bones in my heart

Who: Dorian and YOU
Broadcast: Fleet-Wide
Action: On the Three Twins!
When: 8/11, Midnight.

[It's rare in Drift Fleet to see Dorian as The Necromancer. He plays with people, he flirts with them. Occasionally his humor is morbid. But that's just him.

But tonight is different.

The broadcast is from a darkened cargo bay of the SS Three Twins.

Dorian is wearing black robes with a pointed hood, and as the broadcast starts, he gestures with a skull-topped staff, seeming to almost do it for show. There's a whispering of something circling him, a spirit, perhaps, and candles illuminate around him as it vanishes.]

I do hope you're having a good night. I had nearly lost track of the date, what with the odd stars, but I'm quite certain that it is the beginning of the eighth month, Matrinalis. Which means, for those of you unaccustomed to Thedosian holidays, it is All Soul's Day. Or close enough. ...regardless...

[He conjures a small flicker of fire in his hand, the light casting shadows on his face, the glowing purple lines of necromantic sigils and runes seemingly etched into his hands and arms.]

It is the day we Thedosians remember our dead. As a necromancer, I daresay I am qualified to lead the celebrations, if you will.

You are welcome to come and extinguish a candle for those you've lost.

((OOC: A combination network post and mingle log! Start up an action thread if you'd like, thread with other folks, just leave a comment in the subject if your character is looking to chat with Dorian.))

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It sits in my chest oddly. I'm not entirely certain I care for it.

[Because Dorian isn't allowed these things, and one day Fenris is just going to vanish and he'll be left alone again, like he always was.

But he can't help the memory of a mansion, at night, bones at their feet, and the hesitant way that Fenris said those two words- te amo- and how Dorian felt like he could have died in that moment and would have been happy to have lived long enough to hear someone say they loved him.]

[Cole keeps holding onto Dorian's hand, swaying back and forth where he sits on the ground and letting the feeling of love be there.]

I'm glad he loves you too. I think it must be a very good thing, to love someone and be loved back.

I know it's scary, but wonderful. A lot of things that are wonderful are scary as well. It's okay to be a bit scared. Fear's only bad when it stops you doing good things.

I am not certain on that, Cole.

[Because he was scared, dreadfully scared. When he cared for someone, they became a weapon that could be used against him, a knife that he took and drove into his own skin.

Love was terrifying, it was daunting and he had closed himself to the idea of it, thought that perhaps he was better off without it.

How those words had died on his lips before. Rilienus. Four simple words- "do you love me?" and he couldn't ever bring himself to say it. And he hated himself for it.

But the truth was that he had been hurt so badly by those he cared about. The world was an unkind place, and Dorian bore the scars of a boy who had once been kindness and deep love, now turned a man who could barely allow himself to consider someone a friend.

Because caring? That was the first mistake. When you cared for someone, they were able to hurt you. When you cared about a person, they could be taken from you.]

Edited 2015-08-25 08:50 (UTC)

I am. Certain. Because I don't love and I haven't been loved, but I know how it makes others feel, even you with how much it hurts and scares, but it's not the love that hurts.

It's the loss. But... sometimes it's better to have those bright times and feelings than never know them and end alone, with no memory to bring a last smile.

[Cole had died with no good memories, no love to think on, nothing that took the edge off a dark, miserable life that had a single moment of unconditional kindness to light it.

He squeezed Dorian's hand again.]

The scars make it ache, but scars soften and lessen, I promise. For both of you. Love and loving, it will massage the knots loose eventually. It won't always be like this. It will get better.

[He managed a soft smile, resting a hand over Cole's, holding his small hand between his. It was odd, Cole was like an anchor in the ocean he seemed to be drowning in.

Love, sadness, both were intertwined for Dorian. And all he truly knew of love was the ache that he would never be enough. He would never be good enough. He would never be enough for someone to simply love him and only him.

And here, Fenris had accepted him in some way, but they loved desperately, like two men finding water in a desert. They loved fiercely because they knew that time was finite. That one of them would leave, just like everyone else.

Dorian or Fenris, one would vanish and forget this had ever happened.

He glanced over to Cole, shaking his head.]

You know, I much prefer it like this, when you don't tattle to everyone else about what I'm thinking and hang it up for the rest to see, like airing my dirty laundry.

[Cole was an anchor. When emotions were messed up and muddled and confused, he could safely anchor himself into his old nature and offer unconditional empathy and compassion for someone.

He could do it with strangers. It was much easier with Dorian.

Cole gave a small smile back.]

I'm learning. Inside, outside, people, alone... You're complicated. Very complicated. It makes it hard to keep everything just inside for me.

Rhys said absence made the heart grow fonder. Maybe you're fonder of me because you haven't seen me in several months.

Perhaps.

[Dorian looked over at Cole, and he saw a boy of delicate, bird-like bones and the chill of autumn in the South.

Cole was many things. But Dorian had come to learn quite a bit, and he had changed.]

Perhaps things are different now.

[It felt like a vine reaching out to another plant on a trellis, this awkward reaching to connect with others. Dorian was never good at that- he was much better at making people hate him that love him, and he had always thought that was for the best.

But maybe it wasn't.]

I never hated you.

[One day, maybe, Cole won't answer things that haven't been said, but he's not that good at being people still. He just can't miss that spike of thought and feeling.]

I don't think I ever could. I know what hate is. I've felt it. As me, not as memories or other people. But I won't hate you. It's not in you to be or do the things that have made me hate.

...thank you, Cole. For what it's worth, you do seem to bring comfort to even my tattered and scarred heart.

[Because he did worry, sometimes. Dorian was a necromancer, Cole a spirit. The two seemed, sometimes, to be irreconcilable. Dorian used spirits, he utilized them like a tool. They were as much an object, a weapon, as knives were to Cole.]

[That small compliment makes Cole light up, smiling and almost seeming to light from within to hear that he's helping.]

I'm so glad! It's all I want to do, honest. Make things... a bit easier. Better. Hurt less.

009 // i carry your bones in my heart

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