driftfleet | * It's time to FIGHT.

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* It's time to FIGHT.

Who: Undyne and whoever!
Broadcast: Yes
Action: on the Marsiva
When: pre-Shuffle

[video;]

[Today there's a blue fish lady onscreen. She ROARS and slams a conjured lance through the nearest table, splitting it in half. Poor hospitality deck, it never asked for this. She grabs the spear and looks at the console with a discerning yellow eye. The other eye is covered by an eyepatch and a bit of red hair.]

No one captures me. Not unless they have a DEATH WISH!

[She brandishes her spear with a twirl and shoves it solidly into the floor. Her grin shows jagged sharky teeth, and it nearly splits her face in half. Is she making you uneasy? Good.]

It's been a while since I had a real fight. Come out of hiding, cowards! I'll show you why I was made captain of the Royal Guard!

[A captain in... a muscle tank and skinny jeans, sure. Whatever.]

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[She doesn't even blink at the conjured lance or the... fish part, honestly. She seems more amused, all things considered.]

... Sorry, but unfortunately, the ones in charge have been in hiding for a very long time. We've never seen them in person. If you want to take them out when we finally do find them, you'll have to get in line.

[ Oh, she likes you already. ]

They do, and they hide like cowards.

Oh. Well... [There's a moment of uncertainty, and then she finds her bearings.] That's fine! I can wait in line. I'm a civilized person, dang it!

[She looks at the damage she's done. And then, defiantly, she kicks over the remnants of the table.]

So what's with the screen? If you're not the one who kidnapped me I'm not gonna hurt you.

[she approves of destroying the atroma's property]

The short version is, you're on a ship I can't get to. You'll be moved to a different ship in a few days.

You've been... basically kidnapped to be on a really stupid reality TV show. Or so the kidnappers tell us, but I don't really buy it.

[Another human. She's beginning to think she's outnumbered. Thankfully, no one's trying to kill her or anything.]

What's the point of rustling people up if they don't want a fight? I don't get it!

[She crouches on the floor beside the table and rests her lance across her thighs.]

Wait. They captured humans, too?

[She makes a face like she just ate a lemon.]

Oh my god. Reality TV? [She groans.] I never asked for this. That weird robot's show was bad enough. I have places to go! People to be with!

Does it at least have puzzles or something in it? Bad guys? Am I even getting PAID?

We are here for their entertainment, regardless of whether we are human or not.

So they say.

Yeah, we all do. And I've been here for half a year now, and a few have been here even longer.

Fuck, I wish there were decent puzzles here. Or monsters to fight, but no, it's mostly just dull as fuck, with brief periods of terrible things happening. And yes, you're being paid.

I've actually written up a guide for new people, let me send that over.

[She's attaching a link to the guide and sending it.]

Who gave them the RIGHT? I'm not entertainment! If I thought that would be a good career I would've gone into show business instead of beating thugs into a pulp.

[She growls to herself.]

I can't think of anyone who would want to kidnap both monsters and humans.

I'm, uh, kind of unprepared for this.

[ ...it's not like she's likely to know that the person typing this is IN THE SAME ROOM AS HER. They're the head sticking out of the blankets of one of the cots. (As well as the body attached to the head.) ]

You'll probably have to pay for that table.

[She squints. Is this supposed to be a cell phone? It looks so... weird. But she sure is seeing a text message.]

They can bill me IN PERSON if they care that much! And then I'll show them what I think of being kidnapped!!

[ Think of it as...a review of your cool video, Undyne. Well, kind of. ]

Then you'll fly yourself home?

[ So what if sarcasm doesn't come through in text all that well? ]

[ She quirks a smile, though there's nothing really funny — Undyne just expressed the sentiment Nyssa's had all long. ]

What kind of monster are you?

[ She usually deploys the word in a metaphorical sense, but all Undyne looks is alien. ]

[She opens the attachment.] Okay, give me a minute, this is a lot to read. [... Her expression goes from annoyed to worse the further she goes. At some point she gets frustrated and exits out.]

I didn't know space was so much like Earth. I thought there would be more giant robots and alien invasions? And girls in bikinis?

I wouldn't mind seeing girls in bikinis, but you're a few stops too late for that. And we're already basically in an alien invasion in reverse.

You're from Earth?

Yeah. I'm from the Underground, but we were let out just a little while ago. I've only been on the surface for a few weeks.

[She points dramatically for no reason.]

But!! I've read all your human history books and I've watched your animes, and I have to say I'm EXTREMELY disappointed with the lack of giant swords. I like your food though, and your beaches, and your huge rooms with GIANT SCREENS and speakers so loud you can barely hear the person next to you! My friend had a big screen that we'd watch things on, too, but it wasn't the same.

Sorry, I've never been to Earth, so I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about. I'm not impressed with that place either, to be honest. But I didn't know Earth had merfolk- I always heard it was only humans.

What kind?

[Undyne actually has to take a moment to inspect herself, because she thought it was obvious. Ear fins? Scales? Susceptible to Hotland?]

... Fish?

[She shrugs.]

What kind of human are you?

[She makes a face and types furiously.]

I'm sure I can just hijack a robot somewhere. It's SPACE after all!

Edited 2015-12-13 08:20 (UTC)

Oh, really? There's humans on other worlds? That's... kind of cool... Did you migrate there or something?

[did any monsters come with you...?]

Well, of course you never heard about monsters. The humans sealed us away a long time ago. There was a war.

[ ...unfortunately, they already know where Undyne got that idea, seeing as they were around for Frisk's conversations with her, but...there's just something about it that never gets old.

The blanket lump has to muffle laughter. ]

Wow, you know how to pilot one?

It's complicated. As far as I know, humans have always been on my world. But everyone here is from different worlds, most of them seem to be from some variant of Earth. And mostly humans. Which is really weird. [says the human.]

A... war? With monsters?

[WHY DOES SHE KEEP HEARING ABOUT NOTHING BUT WAR LATELY]

Apparently one that needs to be qualified.

[ She smiles, briefly. ]

I am a hunter. Not of monsters.

[She is pretty sure she can hear muffled tittering, and glances around but... doesn't spot Chara just yet.]

It can't be HARD. Humans do it all the time.

Edited 2015-12-13 08:30 (UTC)

Humans must have a lot of children.

[Strangely enough, she's not wrong.]

Yeah. I think the humans started it? I don't think anyone remembers the details. Or cares.

[That's just you, Undyne.]

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* It's time to FIGHT.

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