Windrose, where the wind blows

[tothefly]

Who: Windrose crew and you, distinguished visitors!
Broadcast: Naaah.
Action: Windrose, various points in the near vicinity
When: Until we get off this frozen rock

[On New Year's Day, the crew on board the Windrose and those nearby may notice the chill as the doors to the cargo bay are left open, and their captain making quite a bit of noise as she inspects their newly expanded home away from home. This is likely to go on for a while. Feel free to come investigate, chat among yourselves, complain about the cold, etc!]

Comments

[truthvalue]

Mm, it was about the average, actually. My parents always tried to avoid disrupting my studies, so we'd move either at the end of the school year or during the summer break. It's important to them that I study hard and do well in school.

[He wonders how his parents are doing now, if they've noticed he's gone missing. If they're worried about him.]

Do you think the people we've left behind know that we're gone? Back where we're from, I mean.

[tothefly]

That's a complicated question. I've got a few theories, but that's all they are. We don't exactly have a lot to go on. There's people here from different versions of the same world, people from different times in the same world--multiple-world theory isn't exactly my strong point.

I guess whether they do or they don't, there's not much point in worrying about it here. There's nothing we can do except keep looking for a way back.

[truthvalue]

Yeah ... I guess there's really no way of knowing.

[He nods, solemn.]

My parents would probably be OK if I was missing, but Nanako's father, my uncle ...

[Well. Souji knows how well he'd fare without her. He's seen it.]

I'd worry about him.

[tothefly]

Worry is a slippery slope. It's normal to be concerned, but worry...you worry too much, and it ends up a distraction. Ends up making you stay gone longer.

[A shrug. She also knows not everyone is...like her, exactly, when it comes to that sort of compartmentalization.]

[truthvalue]

[He nods again; he can see the sense in that, and he does recognize that there are some things beyond his control, so there isn't any point in worrying about them. It won't change anything. Still ...]

He almost killed the man who kidnapped her, when she died.

[tothefly]

[She nods, pulling herself onto the edge of the table, legs swinging just slightly off the ground.]

Understandable. That's what parents do, or ones that give a damn about their children, anyway. I can't imagine what that must be like.

[From a different perspective, perhaps, but she''ll never have her own children.]

[truthvalue]

[She understands; of course she understands. Souji was right to talk to her about this.]

Do you think it would have been wrong, if he had taken the law into his own hands like that? The police would never have been able to close the case, even if they were shown the TV World. Even if they believed what they were shown.

[He frowns down at the dishes on the counter, making minute adjustments in their alignments.]

My uncle didn't believe me when I finally had to tell him about it. He suspected me of being involved with the murders.

[tothefly]

[She doesn't answer the first question. Her views of the law are complicated. Malleable at best. She operates under a moral code composed completely of greys.]

[Even so, some things are clear enough. When you can't contain a threat, you eliminate it.]

Why would he think you had anything to do with it?

[truthvalue]

Because he's a good detective. [Souji smiles ruefully, glancing up to Natasha again.] Inaba's a small town - there isn't a lot of serious crime there, like in the cities. The murders started right after I came to Inaba. And he wasn't wrong - I was involved, just not the way he thought. My friends and I were trying to help.

[Souji finds an empty space of counter and leans forward on his arms, hands clasped together in front of him.]

There was an incident, right at the beginning - Yosuke and I were picked up because we had weapons at Junes, and Yosuke was goofing off with them and it drew some attention. My uncle was right to be suspicious, I guess. He wasn't around a whole lot because he works so much, but I'm sure he probably noticed that I wasn't always around, either, or that I'd come home with mysterious bruises sometimes after being out all day. And there was the letter.

[Souji nods to himself, frowning as he recalls that night.]

He brought me a letter one night - it was addressed to me but had no return address, and it threatened that if I didn't stop rescuing people from the TV World, someone close to me would be put in and killed. My uncle put his foot down when he saw that, and I tried to explain it to him, about the TV World and Personas, but he didn't believe me. I guess I can see why - it does sound pretty crazy. So he took me down to the police station and questioned me, and Nanako was left at home alone. That's when she was kidnapped.

[Souji's head drops, and his shoulders sag as he leans against the counter. The responsibility he feels over his involvement in Nanako's kidnapping is a heavy burden. If he'd been home that night, she wouldn't have been harmed.]

I don't blame him for suspecting me. He didn't know me well - before this, the last time he saw me, I was younger than Nanako. And ... in at least one world, it turns out I am the murderer.

[tothefly]

I guess crazy gets kind of relative after a while. If you hadn't already seen the TV World, you might have felt the same.

[She's really good at reading between the lines. After their time in each others' heads, their time spent talking on the ice, she's gotten fairly good at reading him, too. Not that he's a hard read. Souji wears it all in his hands, the tension in his shoulders. The way his eyes turn inward. She recognizes the signs when she sees them.]

Way I see it, if that Souji killed Namatame, he was doing what needed to be done. The police couldn't stop him. He wasn't going to stop hurting people. And after what he did to Nanako? Doesn't matter what he thought he was doing. It needed to stop.

[truthvalue]

His name was Seito. My uncle's partner, Adachi - he was Traveling with us for a while, too. The Inaba he came from was different, and the Seta he knew was called Seito. My face, just a different name.

[He smiles thinly, thinking about what it means that he has so many different names in different worlds, where everyone else's names are the same.]

He killed a lot of people, I'm told, but I don't think Namatame was one of them, because he was the one putting people inside the TV World to be killed, not Namatame. He killed a lot of my friends ... Yosuke, and Chie Satonaka, and many others.

[It's unsettling to think that someone who was a version of him, even with a different name, could be so cold, so callous. But Souji remembers what the other Seta said to him once, when they'd first met, when he'd asked how to address him and suggested Seta-kun: Doesn't that seem a little cold, all things considered?

Maybe he's a colder person than he ever realized.

Souji brushes away those troubling thoughts in favor of focusing on what Natasha says instead, about stopping Namatame, about his death being justified in the end.]

That's about the same thing my uncle said to me, right before I left Inaba.

[If there was evil in the world that had to be dealt with, but no one would step up to see justice done, it might fall to the closest person at hand to bear the burden of punishing them. Don't you think?

Yeah ... maybe so. Souji nods, thin-lipped at the memory, swallowing hard in preparation to make his confession. Natasha will understand; he's sure of it.]

He never asked me about it directly, but ... I think he knew what we did, after Namatame turned up dead in the same way as the others. There were only so many people who knew about the existence of the TV World. And he's a good detective. But ... it had to be done. So no one else would lose someone they loved the way we lost Nanako.

[Still leaning over the counter, Souji brings his hands up to rest the heels of his palms at his forehead, fingers pushing up through his hair. His heart hammers loudly in his chest, echoing in his ears. It's the first time he's spoken to anyone about this since it happened, and he can't tell if he feels better for having given the deed form with words. He's silent for a few shaky breaths, then says, quieter:]

I guess sometimes there are no good options.

[tothefly]

[Names are a fluid thing. Not a good way to really describe a person; she's worn them before like she wears a suit, pulling it on and taking it off with ease. Names are easily changed, erased. Actions are the only true identity. Actions leave deeper marks. And his actions she understands. Maybe that other Seta thought he was doing the right thing, too. Maybe there was no good option for him.

But that Seta isn't this one, and this one she likes almost despite herself; likes, or at least recognizes something familiar in him, something that she can call to and that responds in return. So she reaches out one hand as he squeezes his eyes shut, pushes fingers roughly through his hair. Rests a hand on his shoulder, fingers squeezing slightly.]

We all do what we have to. And we all carry that weight in our own way. You're right. Sometimes there are no good options. But you made your choice. There isn't anything wrong about that.

[truthvalue]

[She's right; he knows she's right. He made a choice, and it's over and done, no way to go back and change it, even if he wanted to, which he doesn't. There were no good options, but he picked the best of the bad. Souji pulls his head out of his hands and turns his head to Natasha, a grateful, subdued smile on his face. He reaches up and lightly covers her hand on his shoulder with his own.]

Thank you ... I haven't talked about this with anyone since it happened. I guess maybe I needed to.

[And he laughs quietly; it's the exact sort of thing people have said to him, over and over again, not just during the year in Inaba, but for as long as he can remember. He's always been considered a good listener, someone trustworthy in whom to confide secrets or ask advice. Now he sees what it's like being on the other end of it, and he's doubly grateful to Natasha for it.]

[tothefly]

[The decision was what it was. She carries her own decisions, acknowledges the results both bad and good. That's all you can do, ultimately; carry your choices with you and use them to determine your future. She thinks that, maybe, he's got a few more choices of his own ahead of him.]

I'm a good listener.

[There's a faint wry humor to the words, an allusion to her previous position before the augment swap. Her fingers tighten again, briefly, and after a moment she extracts her hand, taking a deep breath.]

If you ever need to talk about it, I can listen. I know what it's like.

[That could be a generalization, but he might get the feeling that she means it literally. Maybe because she does.]

[truthvalue]

[Life is a series of choices: join basketball or soccer club; spend time studying with one friend or quietly talk things over in the diner with another; push a man into the TV World or let the police deal with him instead. Different weights and different outcomes but the mechanics, in theory, are the same. Souji knows this.]

You are. [He nods, and stands up straight again; his heavy burden is lighter for having been shared with Natasha.]

Thank you ... I know we don't know each other very well, but you've been sort of like a senpai to me. And I appreciate it.

[tothefly]

[There's a brief flicker of surprise on her face as he says the word, but not the kind that usually comes with incomprehension. She knows the word. No one's ever used it or any other lingual equivalent on her before.]

I don't know that I'm the kind of person anyone should be looking to as a mentor. But...you're welcome. For whatever it is I've done.

[truthvalue]

You've been a good listener.

[And that means a lot to Souji. He's usually the one doing the listening; people don't often offer to hear what he has to say.]

[tothefly]

I try.

[She's always got her ears open; never know what useful thing you'll learn. But there are a few people that she listens to for more than just information. He's one of them.]