video ♪ well fuck this

[merchantprince]

Who: Varric
Broadcast: Open a/v on the network.
Action: Anyone on the Marsiva, since he hasn't been shuffled yet.
When: Dec 29th, or so.

[video;]

[The feed, quite frankly, is crap. The communicator's been bumped on midsentence and appears to be capturing video of an empty bunk.]

—e's ass! Where is Bianca?

[There is some mad shuffling offscreen. A door opens, then closes. The shuffling returns, and this time, there is... chest hair? Chest hair. Sorry. He picks up the communicator, examing it and turning it in his hands, and then finally looking straight into the camera.]

I may be the most desirable dwarf in all of Kirkwall, but that doesn't give anyone free pass to kidnap me twice in a row. Come out of hiding, hand over the crossbow, and maybe I'll feel generous enough not to shoot someone in the face on the way out. Maybe.

[His brows knit together. He leans back and rubs at his temple.]

Maker's breath... my head feels like it's full of cotton. Cotton and shit I've never seen before.

Comments

[merchantprince]

I'm not sure I can call it real food. I'm used to stew that's been cooking all day, questionable fried meat, watered down ale... That kind of thing.

You've never been to the big ship, then?

[catamite]

[the wistful sigh means that he would LOVE any of those things the dwarf just listed. they sound heavenly compared to what he's had in space.]

...Yeah, I guess I got here too early to ever see it.

I thought it would be fancy and better than the little crappy ships. Like... maybe we could all try to figure out a way to get back onto it or something.

[merchantprince]

[Poor kid.]

I guess so.

There's probably a way to get real food, even if it means going on the... stations or planets and just buying up everything in sight. But this? Nothing I'd jump ship for.

[catamite]

Well... I guess there's meat now, at least!

[perking up a little!]

It's just big-bird meat, but at least it's something.

[merchantprince]

That sounds like an improvement. Giant birds? No problem. More chicken for everyone.

[catamite]

It's pretty good when they cook it right. I just miss... other food.

[and he kind of... leans, like he might be able to magically see around the dwarf and get a look at the whole station]

What about the beds? What are they like?

[merchantprince]

You'll get some, eventually.

[He adjusts his gloves.]

Cots. Nothing to write home about.

[catamite]

...Small cots or big cots?

[because, oh, he would be so excited for even a big cot.]

[merchantprince]

... Uh... you know, I'm not really sure. I think they're maybe small for a human, but I'm a dwarf so I don't really care. I get plenty of leg room.

[catamite]

Oh!

[oh my god oh my god that reminds him of something he's always wanted to know.]

How tall are you??

[merchantprince]

Usually I kneecap people who ask me that. But since you've never met a dwarf, I'll make an exception.

I'm four feet and eight inches of pure, unadulterated manliness. It's also the perfect height to make sure anyone who remarks on it can never reproduce.

[catamite]

Ha!

[totally glossing over that kneecapping comment--]

I knew I was taller than a dwarf!

[merchantprince]

[Oh, Maker.]

Anyone with half a brain could've told you that.

[catamite]

No way, I'd get made fun of all the time! They'd say that I was totally smaller than a dwarf... but it's not like there were any around to actually compare to.

So... ha!

[take that, people from home!]