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video ♪ well fuck this

Who: Varric
Broadcast: Open a/v on the network.
Action: Anyone on the Marsiva, since he hasn't been shuffled yet.
When: Dec 29th, or so.

[video;]

[The feed, quite frankly, is crap. The communicator's been bumped on midsentence and appears to be capturing video of an empty bunk.]

—e's ass! Where is Bianca?

[There is some mad shuffling offscreen. A door opens, then closes. The shuffling returns, and this time, there is... chest hair? Chest hair. Sorry. He picks up the communicator, examing it and turning it in his hands, and then finally looking straight into the camera.]

I may be the most desirable dwarf in all of Kirkwall, but that doesn't give anyone free pass to kidnap me twice in a row. Come out of hiding, hand over the crossbow, and maybe I'll feel generous enough not to shoot someone in the face on the way out. Maybe.

[His brows knit together. He leans back and rubs at his temple.]

Maker's breath... my head feels like it's full of cotton. Cotton and shit I've never seen before.

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[HO SHIT IT'S A DRAGON

No, wait, just a lizard man. The ridges are rather the same, as is the grey skin, but the way he smiles pleasantly rather gives away the fact he's a bit more intelligent than your average dragon.]

Twice in a row. Have you been here before, then? Or are you simply unfortunate?

[That, sir, is some very impressive chest hair. As the low neckline on Axel's coat will show, he cannot compete. He just sort of blinks a moment, and then he really can't help himself--he has to know.]

Do all dwarves have chest hair like that, or is that what makes you the most desirable one?

[ she's watching curiously -- something about those terms sound familiar to her, but she can't quite think of why. but dwarf was one she'd heard many times but had never actually met one ... ]

Ohhhh -- so you're a dwarf.

--Whoa!

[at first it's just audio--the startled voice and then some shuffling sounds. and when the video fumbles on a few seconds later, this feed is also upside-down. and once it's dizzingly handed around until it's properly right-side-up, there's a big-eyed elven face staring from the screen, all piercings and a big, awed smile.]

...Did you say dwarf??

That's...a lot of chest hair.

[ more than sora can ever hope for, cursed as the squeenix pretty boy he is. ]

[Oh hey it's a...beardless dwarf? That's kinda weird. Then again, he's only seen like two dwarves his entire life. So he can roll with it. It wasn't like Dirk had that epic a beard anyway]

I dunno, I think I'm gonna put my money on them not returning your crossbow even with that appealing offer.

[meanwhile, Robin's like, "what's a dwarf...?"]

I think you should shoot someone in the face anyway.

Yeah, the stuff you've never seen before weirdness never stops being weird, trust me. You give yourself way less headaches if you just roll with it.

So. You're short.

[ he's not really paying all that much attention to the feed in the beginning (though he had to admit: that was a lot of chest hair), but the moment the word "dwarf" is mentioned? oh, does it have Lloyd's attention. the accent threw him off, but Lloyd definitely knows a dwarf when he sees one, and this is definitely a dwarf! although...

...wow. this dwarf is pretty vulgar, huh? it's like what would have happened if someone made Zelos into a dwarf. more importantly: ]

What happened to your beard?

Alas, Master Dwarf, I fear your gentle persuasion will likely fall on deaf ears. [Because sass is clearly the best way to respond to this situation.]

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