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video ♪ well fuck this

Who: Varric
Broadcast: Open a/v on the network.
Action: Anyone on the Marsiva, since he hasn't been shuffled yet.
When: Dec 29th, or so.

[video;]

[The feed, quite frankly, is crap. The communicator's been bumped on midsentence and appears to be capturing video of an empty bunk.]

—e's ass! Where is Bianca?

[There is some mad shuffling offscreen. A door opens, then closes. The shuffling returns, and this time, there is... chest hair? Chest hair. Sorry. He picks up the communicator, examing it and turning it in his hands, and then finally looking straight into the camera.]

I may be the most desirable dwarf in all of Kirkwall, but that doesn't give anyone free pass to kidnap me twice in a row. Come out of hiding, hand over the crossbow, and maybe I'll feel generous enough not to shoot someone in the face on the way out. Maybe.

[His brows knit together. He leans back and rubs at his temple.]

Maker's breath... my head feels like it's full of cotton. Cotton and shit I've never seen before.

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[ she's watching curiously -- something about those terms sound familiar to her, but she can't quite think of why. but dwarf was one she'd heard many times but had never actually met one ... ]

Ohhhh -- so you're a dwarf.

[That's... an interesting way to say hello. He could say something kind of rude, but she's cute and her tone isn't necessarily patronizing. He gives her a little bow.]

Among other things. Varric Tethras: rogue, storyteller, and ex-adventurer. Until today.

Hmm ... you know, that name does sound kinda familiar ...

[ But anyways, she'll give him a friendly smile ]

Nice to meet you, Varric. I'm Ino.

[ she rests her cheek in her palm ]

Unfortunately, you're kinda stuck here for the time being, if you hadn't guessed already.

[He looks a tad surprised.]

Wow, you've heard of me all the way out... [He makes a huge flaily arm gesture. Perhaps not as huge as it should be, since he's short, but you get the idea. Space. Thedas does not have space. They can't handle demons coming out of fucking space in addition to EVERYTHING ELSE.] ... here? I'm touched.

[He knows he's pretty infamous, but he's not like. The Champion of Kirkwall. Or the Hero of Ferelden. He's made sure of that.]

I was kind of hoping I guessed wrong. Something about being popular enough to go back home?

Let's just say I've been a lot of places, and I'm definitely not from ... [ she imitates his gesture ] Here.

[ she pauses, because now this is bothering her. Stupid castle memories, stupid implants, making everything difficult ] Something about an elf, and a pirate. And friend fiction?

Well ...

The gist of it seems to be, we've been brought here for the entertainment of the masses, yeah. I don't know if you know anything about reality TV, but basically, a bunch of people are watching us interact from afar, and the more entertaining we are, the more we get paid.

[Wow, he's never heard of Ino or seen her in Kirkwall, and he knows pretty much everything that goes on in Kirkwall. But it is what it is-- she apparently knows Isabela, and possibly one of the other elves, and he was just kidnapped from Thedas to space with a bunch of other people who are from their own different worlds.

... He needs a drink.]

Ah, so you've met the Rivaini. Was the elf broody and spiteful, or so ridiculously cheerful that your teeth hurt?

[He tries to wrap his head around that part about reality TV.]

Maker's bursting blackheads! They watch us all the time?!

... Can they see through walls? Clothes? I need to know the boundaries here.

[ Poor Varric. He'll get used to the insanity sooner or later. ]

No, no, he was definitely broody. And complain-y.

[ That exclamation. Ew. But, she can understand the sentiments behind it ... it is super creepy ]

Uhm, I don't think they can see through clothes, no. Probably not through walls, either.

Well, that's a relief. I don't want to start stripping unless I'm getting paid for it. A substantial amount, is what I'm saying. [He adjusts his leather duster.] They can probably see this whole conversation, though. The first things to get compromised are usually channels of communication, and hell if I know how this thing works...

[But-- having someone else who's met his friends makes him smile, even if Fenris isn't exactly the cheeriest of company.]

That's the elf for you. I'm not gonna make excuses for him, but he has his reasons. And half of the reasons involve being really, really socially inept.

[ that gets an amused sound ]

Well, yeah. But just 'cause they can see it doesn't mean you don't deserve a fair warning.

[ And as for that last part, she waves a hand ]

Oh, believe me, we've got plenty of that type where I come from too. Tragic past, no friends, definitely doesn't wanna talk about it.

Only Orlesians send out notes in advance for kidnappings and spying, and I'm pretty sure I didn't get any flowery perfumed letters inviting me to... space.

[Varric chuckles a bit.]

Sure, but can they pick pockets through people's clothes?

Edited 2014-12-30 17:41 (UTC)

These people seem like the type to just make you come even if you declined, anyways ...

[ ... well. ]

Through the clothes? There's probably some kind of jutsu for that.

Now that's Orlesian. Comes with a free dagger in the back.

[His laugh is kind of a dirty laugh.]

The elf can do lots of other stuff, too. Let's just say he's... handy to have around.

What is a jutsu, exactly? Sounds like a bad tonic.

Well, there haven't really been any daggers here. Yet.

[ emphasis on that last part. any day now, she's sure ... ]

It's a type of skill, usually goes beyond what a regular human being could do. Looks like magic to a lot of people.

Give it some time and they'll improvise. Or we will. I'm really hoping the daggers are being held by us, and hopefully not being used on each other.

But that's probably asking too much.

[Varric pauses.]

By 'looks like magic', do you mean the sleight-of-hand stuff you'll see in the marketplace, or the 'I sure hope I don't get possessed by demons while I'm asleep' kind of magic?

Unfortunately, it probably is. [ there's already been a few fights on the ships and they've not been there that long ... ]

Well, I wouldn't quite go as far as "possessed by demons", but I'd say it leans more towards the latter.

Put two people in a room long enough and they'll either make out or try to kill each other. Or both.

[He leans back a little.]

Okay, I'm not a mage, but I've known a couple personally, so I'm going to give you some advice when it comes to doing stuff that could get the attention of demons:

Don't.

[ she laughs ]

Pretty much.

Don't worry, it's not like that -- there are definitely no demons involved. You just gave me a pretty huge range to work with.

I guess I did, huh.

[He shrugs lightly.]

I've seen a lot of weird stuff. Magic, or stuff that looks like magic, isn't really enough to send me running for the hills... usually. Just don't use it on me without warning.

Yeah, that's not really in my job description.

[ not anymore, anyways ]

I can't say much for the other people in the fleet, though.

It's fine, I just thought I'd give you warning. You're too cute to get shot in the face. I'd feel bad.

[But everyone else is fair game.]

[ well if there's one way to get on her good side, you just found it, Varric ]

Well, that's very nice of you~

[Flattery goes a long way. He chuckles warmly.]

It's the truth! With a face like that, you must have at least twenty friends who'd then shoot me in the face. And that would be a sad mess on both sides.

You been here long?

Well, I don't know about twenty. But I pack enough punch for a couple of men myself.

Not that long. But then again, it doesn't seem like anybody has.

Beauty, mysterious not-magic, and fighting skills? Is there anything you can't do?

[Hrm.]

That means we don't know what to expect.

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