003 ;;

[reconstitution]

Who: Winter & You
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: The Iskaulit
When: 3/20

[ Text ]

How does everyone deal with loss? How much of an impact is it meant to have?

Similar. Unrelated. Is anyone familiar with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? I would like to know more.

[ Action >> Iskaulit ]

[ If you happen to be on the Iskaulit at any time in the wee hours of the morning, between two and six, you may run into Winter utilizing the gym. There aren't really posted hours, and that's usually when no one else is around.

The poor sandbags that he helped Jim hang all those months ago are getting a beating. Winter's focus is zeroed in on the same worn spot, but apparently something gives. Winter reels his left arm back, a high metallic whine the only warning before he lands a blow. It's enough force that not only does it knock the sandbag from its hook, but it goes flying across the room like it's nothing.

Emotional? Who's emotional? Nobody here. Mind your business! ]

[ Action >> Heron ]

[ Winter may have been restless before, but without Jim, this is something new entirely. Crew have been coming and going regularly over the past few months, but this is different. The Atroma decided that he should be captain? Over someone who would probably be more capable at it. He sees what you did there. You just couldn't pass up the chance to not have to change names in the roster, huh?

He's trying to wrap his head around it. Sure, he led teams on missions as the Winter Soldier, but that was different. He wasn't really calling the shots. Being Captain is new and scary and leaves room for so much to go wrong.

If anyone wants to bother him, or happens to be visiting, he is more than likely roaming the halls trying to burn off the nervous energy. He's comfortable with the ship, but now he wants to know it inside and out. As if he hadn't already done that. Honestly, he is distraught without Jim and doesn't know how to handle it. It's not as if he can talk to Natasha about it, either. Or Steve.

The message is more than clear- don't get attached. ]

Comments

[reconstitution]

[ He scrutinizes her for a moment before completely turning his back on her and moving to the sandbag. The damn thing is done for. Winter looks over his shoulder at Kitty after a long silence settles in the room. He does weigh his options. It's safer talking to a complete stranger here than anywhere else. ]

Why do you care?

[passingthrough]

[She shrugs. Fair question.] Because I've destroyed workout equipment before. I also clawed my closet to death once. [Pause.] I usually have claws. [Strap-on, not part of her like Laura and Logan.]

And...I didn't want to be alone and still with my thoughts tonight, so I came here. One distraction is as good as another.

[reconstitution]

[ The silence drags again as he considers what she has to say. It makes sense. Most people don't want to sit in silence if they're feeling down. Then again, he's not most people and chooses to let his thoughts consume him until he's hyper-focused. ]

What's bothering you?

[ All conversation off himself. Perfect plan. ]

[passingthrough]

How is that distracting? [She looks like she's debating answering for a moment before she sighs.] I'm just missing the prison which sounds even stranger out loud.

The people there, not the prison itself.

[reconstitution]

You were in a prison before this? [ An actual prison or a metaphorical one? Either way, he can definitely sympathize. ]

[passingthrough]

Yeah. A place called MarinaNova. It was kind of like this. Lots of people from the multiverse. It was more like a small city than a prison. Except for the lack of freedom which we get to enjoy here too. Yay us. [Sarcastic, but she smiles a little.]

[reconstitution]

Are these places better than your home world?

[passingthrough]

[She's surprised he even asks at first. It's not the kind of thing most people expect, but she did say she was missing the prison and not home, so maybe not that strange.] They're...safer and friendlier. [Accepting, but she doesn't quite manage that description.]

[reconstitution]

[ He nods his head in reply. ]

..I understand. [ He won't say how, but the fact that he even does should suffice. Shared life experiences--sort of. Winter is much more content being in the Fleet than being back 'home'. ]

[passingthrough]

Yeah, I was starting to think you might. So, why the knockout punch on the sandbag? [She answered yours.]

[reconstitution]

Better it than a person. I thought it would help.

[ It definitely didn't. ]

[passingthrough]

Good philosophy. [She looks at him thoughtfully.] Did it?

[reconstitution]

Not at all.

[passingthrough]

At best I think sometimes that kind of thing just wears me out. Not that killing one sandbag would do that, but you know.

What was it supposed to help with?

[reconstitution]

Trying to make sense of something. Figure out what to do with myself.

[passingthrough]

What were you doing with yourself before? [No dirty answers please. Well, unless you really want to.]

[reconstitution]

Trying to be a different person.

[passingthrough]

What's wrong with the person you were?

[reconstitution]

I wasn't anybody before. [ Winter stop being vague. ]

[passingthrough]

Look at you being a mystery. So who do you want to be, Winter?

[reconstitution]

I thought I had it figured out. I know what I don't want to be-- and I know that I don't think I can be the person I was a long time ago.

[passingthrough]

Hard to go anywhere but forward. [She can't be the girl she was before her parents died. Before the X-Men. The death. The loss. She has changed and some of those changes might be more in line with who she could have been without all that, but she'll never be untouched by it again. She's that girl and she's the warrior too.]

We're everything we've been and hopefully a little of what we try to be.

[reconstitution]

Do you ever think about what will happen when you return home?

[ Does she have that constant dread just settling in her gut, too? ]

What kind of person you'll end up being when everything is said and done?

[passingthrough]

[She's quiet for a moment.] No. I was killed, so I try not to think about going back. [Congratulations, Winter. Not many people here know that one.] But I wonder about it in these places.

[reconstitution]

[ Oh. Well now he feels like an asshole. She doesn't get the choice of going back quite like he does. ]

I'm sorry. [ ... ] How many of these places have you been?