driftfleet | first one to make that doctor who joke loses

[Asuka's just satisfied she doesn't have to suffer the indignity of a loss in the game he's just learned. Not that it would be the first time. Her ego's appeased since he seems to have his heart in things, at least a bit. She's sort of wondering if she should ask if he's hungry, if she should offer to buy him some food, when he offers her the earbuds. She only takes one as she gets her seat on the bleachers. Music's one of those things that's more frequently accompanied by an off-key blaring for her to enjoy much on her own, but... it could be nice when it's communal. When it's just listening with him.]

Yeah. I want to.

[She lets him pick out the track, of course. It's smooth, sort of wistful, with a lot of what at least sounds like piano. Not heavy at all, not overpowering, just fragile. She sits in silence, not scooting up closer, just absorbing the sounds, foot twitching slightly in time with the tempo.] It's nice.

[Shinji doesn't scoot any closer, either. He doesn't have that kind of initiative today. Kaworu's tacit rejection has confirmed for Shinji that he's fundamentally undesirable. And if Asuka had had better options, she never would have liked him in the first place. No one could argue otherwise.]

Told you.

[Still, Shinji is shameful enough to look at her mouth, and then down in between them, where he's resting his hand on the bench. He thinks about how easy it would be, if he were anyone else, to hold her hand. It's less involved than kissing, that's for sure. She simply deserves so much better than the sweaty palm of one Ikari Shinji.]

Do you... know how to play any instruments?

Edited 2016-04-18 15:00 (UTC)

No.

[It would be more apt to say she'd tried brief stints-- nothing like musicality for a prodigy-- only to get frustrated and quit. Academics, athletics, piloting were all easier. There were set, decisive standards to achieve. But music is more than the right notes. It's the right feel. The right touch.]

[He'd never played anything other than that SDAT that she'd seen at Misato's, but that doesn't mean much. For all she's hung onto their time together there, it wasn't long, not really. Asuka watches the movement of his eyes and decisively grabs his hand, before she can possibly talk herself out of it. He should be more of a man than this. He shouldn't let her make all the first moves.]

Do you?

[Making the first move is stressful. Not as stressful as piloting, but it's one of the worst things Shinji has faced when off of the battlefield. Even like this, his pulse is elevated. There's sweat on the back of his neck, which his hair is busy sticking to. (Gross.) He looks away, embarrassed, and his fingers stay limp like uncooked noodles. It's another long pause before he even tries to fit their fingers together.]

Yeah, but I'm not all that great... [Compared to his teacher, anyway. He clarifies:] Piano. That's what I can play. I was interested in the cello when I was younger, but it didn't work out. Too expensive. More than a hundred thousand yen, if you can believe that. [... Asuka probably doesn't care about this crap. His smile is grim.]

Edited 2016-04-19 16:10 (UTC)

Pianos are more expensive than that. [Easier to get hold of, though, or at least by comparison. Lots of burnt-out churches. Or so she assumes. Asuka feels like she sees the surface-- saw the surface-- less than she does. Did. It's hard sometimes to keep in mind that her time in WILLE's before her now.]

[He's sweating. She can smell it.]

You should play for me sometime. [Shinji's always modest and cringing about his abilities, so she's really not sure what to expect out of him. It has to be better than Chopsticks, though. She squeezes his hand.] They've got to have something similar here. I want to hear it.

I was just borrowing the piano from my teacher. [Come to think of it, Shinji has no idea where Kaworu even got that piano. It seemed to be in pristine condition... (Just thinking about their lessons together makes Shinji's throat tighten with emotion. Everything was so screwed up, but those days were a lot simpler, in a way. He had a clearly defined goal and he could work towards it.)

Anyway, Asuka's hand is kind of an intimidating thing to hold on to. It doesn't feel like it could crack an inches-thick wall of glass. He's extra careful when he circles his thumb over her skin.]

I haven't practiced in a while. It might be a disaster. [Mostly a lame excuse. He's more so shy than anything else, even though he was expecting her to want a listen.] You know, I've been needing more things to do with my time here. Maybe I'll try to compose something.

[Asuka nods. When he traces her thumb, it's as if he's petting a small animal, too careful, too gentle. She doesn't deserve that kind of care. She's stronger than that-- but that doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy it. Everything she wants is so pathetically simple and contrary all at once.]

If it's a disaster, I'll tell you. Just don't make it too sad. [That's a stupid request. She closes her eyes briefly.] I'm tired of that.

It won't be too sad. I'll write it in E major, and that's a nice-sounding key. A hopeful one. [Shinji kind of feels like he's doomed to failure--he's barely scratched the surface of music theory. He doesn't have to let her know that, though. He just smiles with an autumn's warmth and looks down at their hands.]

I'm tired of sad things, too.

[More like he's tired of most things. Maybe it isn't manly of him, but he shifts and leans closer until he can rest his head on Asuka's shoulder.]

[Asuka doesn't know the keys apart, not that she'll own up to that. A hopeful key sounds like something they're both owed, honestly. When he leans his head against her shoulder, she's impulsive enough to release his hand and put an awkward arm around him.]

[He's not going to tell her what's bothering him. Selfishly, she doesn't mind as long as he's paying her attention, as long as he's willing to smile at her.]

Shinji? [Stupidly. She's glad that at this angle she's not looking him right in the face.] I missed you.

[Shinji hasn't been hugged enough to feel like a hug is anything but amazing. With Asuka's acceptance, he settles more of his weight on her shoulder, meager though he is. She smells like a girl. Not a girl saturated with LCL--just a girl. Plenty normal.

His voice is the softest thing in the world:]

I know.

[She didn't have to think of him. She could have forgotten all about him, writing him off as a stupid mistake that she had to live with for a few months. But she kept his memory alive, and now they're soaking up the jazz music and each other's familiar presence.]

Hey, I... don't have anything else to do today, if you want to stay with me...

Yeah.

[She closes her eyes. It's not often that she's calm, always haunted as she is by discontent and irritation. Right now, she feels smoothed-down, softened. He's not afraid to get closer, not right now.]

I want to.

Okay.

[When the next song has finished playing, Shinji suggests they go get some lunch or something. He isn't particularly hungry (he isn't hungry at all), but it's a nice communal activity to do. They're on the way out of the exhibition hall when the frog mascot tells them to have a good day. It takes Shinji a few seconds to realize the frog mascot isn't wearing a frog costume. That slimy, gaping mouth is literally... the guy's... face...

Shinji shrieks in horror. He almost pisses his pants right then and there.

Later in the evening, he is still embarrassed about that faux pas. It doesn't help that Asuka refuses to stop poking fun at him.] Come on, [he whines,] just do me a favor and forget today ever happened. [He flops onto his back on Asuka's bed, staring at the ceiling dismally. The Red Fish isn't a bad ship, and he seems reluctant to leave, even with all of Asuka's teasing. That's just how rocky things have gotten with Kaworu.]

Edited 2016-04-26 02:33 (UTC)

Never. That was hilarious. [For once, Asuka's outright lounging on her bed beside him, feet propped up with a pillow. Shinji's a whole lot more endearing when he's trying not to be.] The look on your face... [For about the third time today, Asuka tries to mimic his aghast expression, but it's pretty well ruined by asymmetry and her own barely-held-back giggles. She just can't help it. It's been so long since she's found anything funny, and all his protests make it even better. She elbows him cheekily.]

[She really hadn't expected him to stay so long. Asuka hasn't been directly told, but she's always sourly assumed that Kaworu slept over with him more often than not. Maybe they had a spat; maybe that's why Shinji's been a little off. He'd talked about taking things, taking her for granted, so just maybe...]

[Nah, he'd be more broken-up than this. But that doesn't mean Asuka won't thoroughly enjoy Shinji's singular company for as long as she can have it. Her room's a dismal place, totally without decorations. There are a few hairties on top of a cabinet and the products of her shopping spree on coathangers on the doorknob, but that's all. It's a definite downsize from the masses of boxes she'd had shipped with her from Germany. She stretches out with a slight grin.] Don't worry. I'll protect you from the frog people, too.

[They haven't had a spat. They haven't talked at all about what happened, so there hasn't been an opportunity for a spat. Shinji is afraid that the next time he sees Kaworu, he's going to hear exactly what he doesn't want to hear. That Kaworu still loves him, but Kaworu can't be with him.

It's the same thing he's afraid of with Asuka herself. She's an all-or-nothing kind of person, and he doesn't know how to keep her satisfied. A few kisses feel more like he's buying time than anything substantial. On another level, it's ghoulish to think of affection as currency and of her as a commodity. He really doesn't want to be alone... Frowning, he turns his head to look at her, before rearranging himself to be nearer to the pillows.]

I don't need your protection. Back in my day, I held my own against aliens, real aliens, like giant monsters with energy tentacles and crap. None of this overgrown frog nonsense. What kind of evolutionary path ends up with talking frogs... [Mumble, grumble. Down below, his foot nudges against hers in a weak retaliation.] It just isn't right, that's all.

Edited 2016-04-27 20:10 (UTC)

You think he might have thought the same about us? [Probably not, honestly. Most people on the moon looked more humanoid. Still, Asuka's not looking for a real debate, and she's not feeling nearly sour enough to point out the Angels she'd taken down without him, real aliens all. She's feeling good. They've had a good time. So why does she still want an answer to what's bothering him? Why can't she just enjoy the moment without wondering?]

[Maybe it's because he keeps baiting her, in his mopey way. Comparing her to Kaworu, with her always ending up shortchanged in the bargain. Giving some affection but tugging away before she's gotten more than a taste. Every time she wants something real he drifts away. So she hooks her ankle around his, obvious as usual, as if to reassure herself he'll stay.]

You sound like an old man. Your day hasn't started.

Maybe. I tried to apologize, but I wouldn't blame him for thinking humans are weird and stupid.

[His foot twitches slightly. Sharing close quarters with Asuka...

Not for the first time, of course. She once had the impudence to lie down on his futon like it belonged to her. Is that when she started to crush on him? Or could it have been even earlier than that? She never seemed all that impressed with him as a person or a pilot. Compared to Kaworu (he's doing it again), she's the furthest thing from tender and adoring. Which isn't a bad thing. He'd probably suffocate to death if she applied herself to him like synthetic seaweed to sushi.]

How old do I have to be for my day to start? I'm almost fifteen, you know...

Edited 2016-04-28 00:42 (UTC)

[She glances at him in mild surprise. For all she'd kept up his memory, maybe for all the wrong reasons, there's all sorts of statistics she never bothered to find out about him. Shinji's history was never as important as Shinji not being where she needed him to be.]

You are? You never told me when your birthday was. [There's a flicker of blue light emanating from behind her eyepatch, gone after a second or two. She presses hard on the fabric with her palm. It's been happening more and more often, sometimes, like now, when she's not even stressed. Probably the glyphs are weakening, wearing down. Hopefully. She doesn't apologize, but her face is still flushed after the glow recedes, and she unhooks her ankle from around his. He hates the patch. He has to hate every time he sees another obvious piece of evidence of the inhuman eye behind it.] So when is it? [She's talking faster now, as if she's trying to distract him from what he's already seen.] Maybe we'll be off this stupid moon by then.

Edited 2016-04-28 01:01 (UTC)

[It's impossible for Shinji to overlook that flash of blue light. His skin crawls with it. There's something leaking into his mind, like music but shapeless, or maybe it was always there to begin with. He's being submerged in LCL and told that he's going to help so many people someday.

He seems mesmerized, not disgusted. He zones out until well after the light is gone.]

... What? [Birthdays? What about them?] My birthday is... [It takes him a second to remember the exact date. Even so,] It's just another day to me, Asuka. I'm not worried about it or anything. But yours is--uh, it's in December, isn't it?

Edited 2016-04-28 01:50 (UTC)

December fourth. [The answer comes automatically, markedly faster than his reply. Asuka's brow furrows. He wasn't avoiding looking at her at all, not the whole time her eye had decided to start glowing. It's disturbing, but it shouldn't be special. He's seen it before. The lapse of attention was weirder than when he'd done badly at darts. Asuka swallows some spit, decides not to push it, ashamed, disgusted at herself for being ashamed in the first place.]

Tell me yours. I want to know. [She's horrible at distracting herself, worse at it when she can't pinpoint why he'd reacted like that, or why she's not backing off herself. If anything, she's scooting closer up.] It gives me some time to get ready.

[Shinji still feels a little bit like he's underwater. His vision isn't blurred, but it's lost some of its clarity, especially around the edges. Asuka has a very pretty face that looks fine with or without makeup. He can't say that he cares about someone's makeup. He exhales, and it's with difficulty: every so often, he forgets about breathing. It's hard to care about makeup or breathing when he has more important things to think about.

It wouldn't be that hard to reach up and unwind the eyepatch from her head. He could see everything he's responsible for and much more than that.]

Get ready? For my birthday? [He blinks in confusion, then scrunches up his nose distastefully.] I told you, it's just another day to me. Nothing special about it. [But Asuka reminds him of a dog with a bone it won't let go of. Reluctantly, he admits,] It's in June. June sixth. Seriously, it's nothing...

Edited 2016-04-28 02:47 (UTC)

June sixth. [Asuka parrots it back, feeling out of sync herself. He's throwing her off when he shouldn't; he still doesn't look quite... what? With it? Is that it? Is he really acting strange, or is she just getting more and more demanding, wanting not just his time but the whole of his attention? Her sluggish heart is starting to beat just a little faster. But that's stupid. There's nothing to anticipate. They're just talking. So why should...]

Birthdays are important, idiot. [Asuka's spent the bulk of her own by herself. By college she was buying her own cakes, enjoying her own meager celebration with her doll across from her on the desk. She'd felt lower than dirt when she wasn't reassuring herself that she was above any paltry friendship, any worthless love that could be tossed her way. Swallowing again, she reaches over and squeezes his arm.] They're what started you.

You want to celebrate my birthday? [Shinji's voice spikes higher up than the question warrants. It's insane to him. Like one of Misato-san's insane plans, but digging deeper than that. The idea of someone relishing the day he was born makes him feel sick to his stomach-- Or it would, if it weren't for the morphine drip that is Asuka's presence.

Her hand is touching his arm. It's warm. Maybe too warm.]

Why do you want to do that?

[No one has ever done that for him. Not even his father could be bothered to give him a call on his birthday. Over the years, Shinji dutifully sat next to the phone, telling himself that a call would come in this time. It never did. It never will.]

Do you have to ask why?

[He's so incredulous that it's pathetic. That he's pathetic. Asuka can't give herself over to pity any more than she already does, not even for him, but her face reddens, expression a mire of consternation. Like her, Shinji's always starving for affirmation while denying it to everyone else.]

If you don't want it, I'll figure something else out. [Another box of chocolates, maybe. Something. Asuka scoots closer in like a groundhog burrowing. She thinks about resting her head on his shoulder the way he'd done with her.] It won't be stupid.

I didn't say I didn't want it... [Shinji's disbelief has nothing to do with whether or not he wants it. Case in point: he can't believe Asuka wants to be close to a loser like him, but he isn't shoving her away, right? If anything, he's drawing her in closer when he curves his arm around her lower back.

This is a very private place. More private than the cargo bay, or a boutique's changing room. No one's going to walk in on them. In Misato-san's apartment, Asuka used to guard her bedroom with fire-breathing ferocity. Shinji couldn't even go in there to pick up dirty socks without getting chewed out. So, he doubts Asuka's shipmates will drop by and interrupt. There's nothing to stop him from...

He kisses her softly.]

I just, [he says, throatier,] want to know what you're thinking.

[The kiss is entirely unexpected, Asuka's eye widening, whole face getting hotter. It doesn't last long enough, like always, but it's amazingly potent. It takes so much and so little simultaneously to keep her satisfied. If he punctuated all his harder questions with kisses, he'd get further towards understanding her than he probably ever wanted.]

[She exhales. Her room since the time he first met her has gone from a sanctuary to a self-imposed prison, but he doesn't know that. Inviting him in just to lay around and talk to her is a bigger step than it should be at her age. A kiss is good enough for now, but she's too greedy for that to suffice forever. His arm wrapping around her is proof he has to-- she hopes he has to-- feel the same. Her foot brushes up against his ankle, and she almost forgets to answer his question at all.]

I'm thinking you should kiss me again.

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