004 ↯ audio

[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and whoever.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Indoors, moonside.
When: Now sounds good.

[Someone is done to death with masks and getting accosted by randos on the street. Thus, Davesprite has taken refuge indoors, since that's as good as it gets short of returning to the ships. He'd normally opt for text, but he honestly just wants to talk for a while. Even if his voice is equal parts bored and sullen.]

Sportball ambushes on the street are great and all, [it probably isn't possible for him to sound more sarcastic] but I got to ponder the selection happening in this contaminated stain on the face of space. Like, sure, there are "strategy games" [yes, those are actual, audible air quotes], but where my real battles at. You know, the wordplay variety, where you drop a witticism to a sick beat and slant it to rhyme. Twist that shit into ill verse and cause some deadly delirium not even the most decorated doctor could cure. Dude could be veteran to World War Disease and still find himself stymied by this nasty flow that makes even the gutsiest guerilla fold. Ain't a medic around who can mend my rap battle burns.

[A beat.]

So, yeah, maybe I'm only pissed about moon pollution central 'cause all these hostile idiots keep hailing me out of the blue and yet: not a single fuckin' rap battle. [This is definitely not the only reason he's pissed about moon pollution central, but priorities.] What's a guy got to do, besides deck himself out in a shitty respirator and biohazard costume. A live performance? God, this is stupid.

Comments

[feathery]

If you're still talking to that thing, you're talking to no one. I'm done with the back and forth network shit.

[Davesprite starts going through the candy he grabbed at a shop earlier instead, eyeing the supposed ingredients label suspiciously.]

[frigidaire]

I'm leaving you voicemails.

[ Which may or may not be true. Who knows? Maybe it's just egregious selfies instead. But then he notices the candy. ]

You're not sharing that? Dude, you have to.

[feathery]

[One day, Davesprite is going to take all of the random ass pics he has somehow ended up with of Isaac (how? did this happen???) and paste the dumbass werewolf's head into a shittily drawn comic.

He looks up, folding the wrapper back into his hand.]

Who says.

[Even if he's going to share, he has to put up some token resistance first.]

[frigidaire]

[ Who knows how art time with Isaac will go, but he'd probably be amused at the very least. ]

I say. I have friend privileges. Done.

[ He holds out his hand expectantly. ]

[feathery]

[Davesprite has a moment where he wishes he could dump a handful of that one restaurant's weird living cheese into Isaac's palm, only that would mean actually having that nasty shit on his person and also touching it. Yech.

He sighs, snaps the bar in half, and slaps the unwrapped part into Isaac's hand.]

Happy now? Don't ask me what's in it; I can't read this shit.

[frigidaire]

Why would you eat it if you can't read it? You could be eating alien bug eggs you know.

[ Well, it's true. But Isaac examines the bar all the same -- it looks enough like candy and smells good. ]

It could be poison. Like those, uh, berries or whatever. They look delicious but that's why their poisonous. They trick you or something.

[feathery]

Dude, I bought it at a fucking store. This isn't Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

[He gives Isaac a look, before his attention drops back to the candy bar in his hand.]

Anyway, the important thing is it doesn't look like alien bug eggs and it's not moving. The not moving part is especially important. [He makes a face, inevitably thinking of the pizza from earlier.] Ugh.

[frigidaire]

Yeah well that pizza place was a store, too.

[ He's scarred for life when it comes to that pizza. He even squirms in his spot on the bench even thinking about it. ]

If I die from this I'm blaming you. [ He takes a bite of the bar, and when it doesn't turn out awful? He takes another. ]

I can't believe you weren't going to share.

[feathery]

The pizza place was a fucking disaster zone of parasitic pies, but that doesn't mean it was poisonous.

[He watches Isaac eat the candy, though, mildly bemused. Welp, he guesses if it's acceptable for a wolf, it'll pass crow inspection.]

And who said I wasn't. I was putting it through testing. No one wants to start snacking and find out their grub [ew, why that word] is feistier than a caffeinated lab rat.

[frigidaire]

The parasites could have been. That was so stupid.

[ He shouldn't be so impulsive, but again he's taking his third bite, and seems okay with it thus far. ]

You were going to put it through -- wait. Did I just become your test subject or something. Is that why you gave me this thing? [ Isaac waves the bar in the air at Davesprite, but it's tasty, so Bird Dave's not getting the remainder back. ]

When I die of weird candy poisoning, it's your fault.

[feathery]

I gave it to you because you told me to.

[It's faintly miffed.]

No one's gonna believe it's my fault, anyway. All I'll have to say is that Isaac Lahey died as he lived: a dumbass. I can even make sure that makes it on to your tombstone.

[frigidaire]

Oh. Right.

[ He wouldn't put it past Davesprite for a weird prank, but Isaac did ask for the candy, so... ]

If you're gonna do that you better come visit my grave every day and bring me some of the candy that killed me. Maybe I'll be able to haunt you or something. These alien planets are weird.

[feathery]

Pretty sure it doesn't work like that. Can a ghost haunt another ghost.

[He tries his own chocolate, brightening a little when it turns out to taste ok.]

I'm chalking this one up as a good investment.

[frigidaire]

I don't know, is that just stalking then since it'd be two ghosts?

[ He's not too put off about the food being alien, after all, as he takes another bite. ] We should get more. Stock up. The other planet's stuff wasn't this good. Had better pizza though.

[feathery]

I'll file it under harassment and call the ghost police.

[He climbs to his feet, grimacing a bit at the mention of the pizza.]

But sure. How hard did your account get hit after the gumball fiasco. I'm starting to run a little low.

[frigidaire]

Hit my bank account pretty hard. The gum wasn't even that good.

[ So really, why were they shipping gumballs anyway? ] I haven't really spent much here, though. Stayed on the ship. I'll buy us some this time.

[ He stands, stretching his arms over his head. ] You'll have to hide them in your room. Stupid Newton will find them in mine.

[feathery]

How does he keep getting into your room. Jade doesn't even bring him in mine anymore, 'cause she doesn't want him to get sick on any stray mummified limbs.

[He idly starts his way down the hall, heading towards a lift. At least the concept of department stores and malls hasn't died out in the presumed future.]

[frigidaire]

He hasn't in a while, but it'd be my luck he'd find the candy. He ate almost all of my socks and got hair all over my bed, so.

[ It was a while ago but he still resents that, okay? Well, not really, but he has to complain about something. ]

I think chocolate can hurt dogs, too. And that stuff was basically space chocolate. Alien chocolate.

[feathery]

Do you count as a dog.

[Giving you a sidelong look, bro.]

Chocolate isn't a key ingredient to werewolf poison or something, is it.

[frigidaire]

No, why? I'm a werewolf, not a dog.

[ He doesn't even realize the mistake he's made. Isaac tries so hard, but he's not always the sharpest tool in the shed. ]

And no, I'm too human for chocolate to poison. Mistletoe and wolfsbane suck, though. Seriously.

[feathery]

Wolves, dogs, what's the difference.

[Davesprite just shrugs and goes back to eating his chocolate bar. Maybe he'd worry more about it possibly being toxic if he digested food in the first place.]

Mistletoe, though. What, are you allergic to kissing? [His tone turns mocking before he can even think to help it.]

[frigidaire]

No, that'd be worse than death. Kissing is good, and I'm good at it.

[ Word vomit, thy name be Isaac Lahey. ]

If we ingest mistletoe or whatever, it can cause hallucinations and make us weaker. It can kill us, too, but. I thought I was in a freezer once when I was actually under a shitty motel bed.

[feathery]

O...k.

[That's all Davesprite has to say to that first part.

More importantly:]

Why were you under a shitty motel bed. [Because that's weird.]

[frigidaire]

It was for a field trip, kind of. We were going to a lacrosse game and there was bad traffic.

[ So their adult chaperone stopped at the creepy MOTEL CALIFORNIA~ and let them room up. ]

Someone put wolfsbane in the coach's whistle, so it got weird.

[feathery]

Oh yeah, I remember that story. [...] Kind of. I still can't believe you got fucked up by a whistle.

[He isn't sure if he should be admiring, disturbed, or derisive.]

How the hell did you end up eating mistletoe.