driftfleet | (no subject)

[Loki offers him a crooked smile.]

Don't tell anyone. I've a reputation to maintain.

[He strokes Leto's cheek with the backs of his fingers. Once he's gotten to the point that he's willing to actually touch someone else, offer them some sort of intimacy, he tends to be greedy about it. Like a starving man confronted with a feast.]

[ He leans into it, his eyes fluttering. Like Loki, touch is rare and he often feels the need to indulge it. With a gentle touch, he takes Loki's hand, kissing his knuckles. ]

[He's just making things more difficult for himself. Loki knows this. He's caught himself in another situation where he wants too many things and has no clear path forward. He dares to let instinct guide him one step further and places a feather-light kiss by Leto's eye.]

[ Therein lies the problem with Gods. They know, they always know but they cannot help but scramble for it. ]

I have no more tears to shed for this.

[ It's his way of saying he doesn't feel guilty. ]

I wouldn't want you to waste what few you have to your name. [Teasing now. He doesn't generally feel guilty about anything, except for those hasty words to Frigga.]

[ His lips quirk. ]

It is not normal for Fremen to cry. It is not in our nature.

Ah.

I understand.

[He has wondered if Jotun cry, sometimes. He can only recall a few times he's shed tears in the last thousand years, and it's a question of if that's something he learned from the Asgardians or not. He's always laughed rather than cried.]

All the more precious an offering, for you to go against your nature.

Edited 2016-04-28 06:56 (UTC)

It is always precious.

[ Though he hesitates to say that of himself, water is always important, always treasured. In the desert, there was no greater gift. Finally looking at Loki, he asks ]

Even more so for those who treasure it.

[Tears have little meaning for him outside of context. The emotions of others are generally weapons for his use. But there are a few, notable exceptions.

Weapons for use against him. Offerings. Context is everything, as is source. He smooths his thumb over Leto's cheek.]

Yes.

[In this moment, Leto, you are treasured.]

[ He recognizes that. But Leto doesn't mind. ]

Thank you.

[Leto's caught the attention of a trickster, and not negatively. It's no small feat. Though Loki cannot help but tease:]

Shall you keep me, now that I have won?

[Though he rather doubts Leto will become boring now. He's delightfully complex.]

Being a kept thing is not much fun.

[ Not that he would know. He's never been kept by anyone. That kind of overwhelming desire is not meant for him. ]

More likely, I'll continue to make life . . . interesting.

I wouldn't know. [Though there is a certain charm to the thought that someone might find him that precious, even if he would be doomed to fight against it eventually. There are different lengths of eventually.

Though that does not stop him from coveting others, wanting to keep them.]

I would be most sorrowful if you did not.

Neither do I.

[ But he looks at Loki carefully. ]

But I think you do know, to some extent. You belong in someone's orbit.

[He considers this. He thinks Rogue would be rather horrified at the idea of him being a 'kept thing.' But he is rather kept, in its way. By his choice, assuredly, but...

Though the second part of that is even more of a question, after the more serious conversation he and Rogue had recently.]

Do I?

[He hadn't been uncertain about it, but the fact that Rogue had considered herself so changed and them out of step has left him a bit shaken.]

For all your godhood and chaos, Loki -- [ And his expression is kind but truthful. Leto doesn't believe in kindness without truth. Or at least his truth. He doesn't coddle or reassure. He simply speaks and the words carry themselves. ] -- I do not think loneliness is your role to play.

Ever has it been so.

[He shrugs, not self-pitying, but factual. This thing with Rogue has been very different for him. And now... well, who knows what will happen, and he doesn't like the uncertainty. Particularly not when it's something that isn't his fault.]

Though that is not what I meant.

You are in mine.

[ Leto will not say if it is enough, because it isn't. They need more, want more, exist to be more to others. One orbit isn't enough for a heavenly body. ]

Or perhaps you are in mine. I am a wandering planet.

[He traces a path down Leto's arm with one finger, draws a circle in his palm.]

And what trouble shall come of it?

[Because that is the trouble. One orbit has never been enough for him. Yet as he lives Rogue, that must be enough. He has promised her as much. And he is trying. And failing, a bit at a time. He doesn't know how to stop failing.]

Trouble will come, regardless.

[ There's no way of preventing it. And Leto could not, would not, even for the sake of making life easier. ]

I can't promise anything. I will not ask for promises.

[ He rests his hand over Loki's. ]

The choice is yours to make.

[Promises are the most dangerous things of all, when they are serious. Because ultimately, one either ends up in stasis--perhaps dead--or forsworn.

He curls their fingers together.]

This is a choice I do not want. [Because he cannot make it, not when he wants such disparate, mutually exclusive things. Not when he loves Rogue and has for years, and is forced to admit to himself that Leto has become important to him for other reasons, far too quickly for comfort.

It's a useless protest. His life has been composed of many choices he never wanted.]

Better a choice you don't want than a choice taken from you.

[ Leto would tell him to choose Rogue, to choose the person who has more to give. Leto has so little of himself and he loses more every day. Why pledge to a man who will turn into a formless, monstrous creature, who will become dead and empty inside until the tides of time washes him away?

But Leto doesn't make choices for others. He kisses the skin of Loki's knuckles, love love love humming under his skin. The Worm is silent. ]

Whatever you choose, I am with you.

[He's too greedy to make this choice. He cannot let go of Rogue, and he cannot let go of this. Will not. He wants too much to be wanted to be cared for. He's still rather bad at the other end of it, the caring for people in return, though whatever he can manage is entirely Rogue's doing.

He could resent her, in this moment, for her need for monogamy. And he certainly resents himself for assuming it wouldn't be a problem. And there's a bit of resentment for Leto as well, for making him feel this way, Though how was he to know? And how is he to find the line he can twist to his suiting in this. It is inevitable that he will destroy what he cares about, but he really is trying to not. He's supposed to find ways to destroy the inevitable.

He closes his eyes.]

I am a fool.

[He keeps a firm hold of Leto's hand. The problem is that it's already too late. There's an emotional connection with the other god, and that might be a betrayal of Rogue already. He cannot control his heart, though he can certainly control his body and at least remain faithful in that sense.

A part of him points out that these stupidities would not be a problem if he just didn't mess about with this love business. He is very, very bad at it.]

[ Oh, Loki. Leto reaches to run his hands through Loki's hair before shifting closer and sitting next to him. Their hands remain twined, as if the illusion will shatter from the separation. ]

Then give me up. I will not resent you.

[ Though he senses that it is not a choice Loki would make. ]

[Loki does not open his eyes, but he doesn't need to; he sees Leto in other ways. He reaches to slide a hand over the man's short hair, to pull him closer.]

I do not give up anything that is mine. You know this.

[Not until it is so utterly broken as to be unrecognizable. He's too greedy for that. And maybe that's why he will destroy what he loves, because he's not capable of the self-sacrifice necessary to the act. He can give to a certain extent, and does, but he cannot let go.]

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