driftfleet | Video

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Video

Who: Cole
Broadcast: Fleetwide (because he doesn't get the 'private' setting)
Action: A shuttle from the Pathstone which is currently out on its own
When: Two days after this broadcast and minutes after this exchange on the Red Fish.

OOC: This post has potential cw: self harm, suicide, murder, and other self destructive things. Please use discretion.

[The broadcast shows Cole's face, too close to the camera, tear streaked and eyes red rimmed and looking the very model of misery and distress. His voice is a cracked whisper.]

Fenris? I need to see you. I need you to do what Cassandra would've and I know you will. Can.

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Cole...?

[That's it. For now, anyway; she likes him, and maybe being in tears on the network could be considered overshare, but you don't ignore that kind of thing.

If she'd caught his entry a few days ago, her response might have been entirely different.]

[There's no response for a long moment and then seems to realise that's being aimed at him.]

Yes?

[....

...okay, she makes it private from her end. Cole might not realise, but he also might not be the kind of person that cares, given who he is. But it's courtesy.]

You're upset. What's wrong?

[He so doesn't realise. Just knows something flashes and that's it.]

I promised not to do it again, never again, but I was going to, so much hate, failure, stupid, useless failure bringing nothing but pain and misery-!

[There's a smack of flesh and metal.]

Whoa-- whatever you're doing, stop that. [She has no idea what he just did-- hit a surface maybe-- but that's not a good way to go.]

What did you promise not to do again?

[Varric is on this like white on rice, and not in a good way. He's never, ever seen Cole like this. It's frightening. He isn't thinking about Cole becoming a demon or some kind of bad spirit, he's worried about a friend-- a close friend in the future-- turning self-destructive.]

Kid. [His expression is firm.] Kid, tell me what's wrong.

[He scoots out of view of the communicator, which appears to have been put on the floor and it now showing a clear picture of of a shuttle ceiling.]

Kill people because they want to die. Not Mercy. But he was despairing so badly, it hurts and I was going to do it, I said I wasn't going to be Despair but that was Despair!

[Cole makes a noise torn between a growl and a whine and shoves the communicator away from himself.]

No. Nothing. I need Fenris.

[Yeah, the guy he's terrified of.]

[She... actually follows that. It helps that she has a few conversations with Cole to give her perspective, actually. Despair is so painful.

But there's a few distinct clues in how he phrased that, even if she's not real sure what's going on. Gently:]

You were going to do it. Kill someone. Did you?

Cole.

[He uses the kid's name for the first time like... ever.]

You don't want to die like that. Trust me. Trust me on this-- death right now won't help you. You'll only leave people behind. You don't want that.

[He leans in even as Cole tries to distance himself from the comm.]

What happened? What makes you so sure you need to die?

[There's a rather pathetic sound from somewhere off camera and then the communicator is pushed along the floor.]

Tranquil don't say no.

[It's not much above a whisper.]

He couldn't say yes. He didn't deserve to.

[The camera keeps showing the ceiling.]

Yes! It will help! I can't let Despair out!

[His shouting is hoarse from his crying.]

[Okay no, her introductory Cole-fu doesn't help that be any less confusing.]

I don't understand. You mean-- did you ask him if he wanted to die? [The hell does that bit about Tranquil mean.] Cole, have you killed anyone today?

I know he wanted to die. Bleed out the bile and blood, boil it away and burn down my soul, it's never enough blood, it never hurts enough to make me matter.

[There's a sound, pained and desperate, like too much grief, like the feeling of stabbing that tattoo over and over and not being able to get out everything it has poisoned.]

... no.

[...she'll look into this mysterious 'he' later. Maybe. For now, her words are blunt.] Then you kept your promise. It doesn't matter how much you wanted to go through with it if you didn't.

[It's too simple a response, maybe, but let's start there.]

Cole... come see me.

He Despaired and I was Despairing too! It was cold! I won't be Despair!

[His voice cracks in the shouting and then gets softer. Both for quietening down and moving further away.]

No.

So what?

[Nami's concern is often kind of rude, to be honest.]

Despair doesn't have to be permanent. You recover, you keep going, you wait for things to get better. You were in my head; you know that's possible. Are you actually Despairing or are you just caught up in what he was feeling?

I'm not like mortals! Spirits aren't like that! Justice angers and seeks Vengeance and Mercy Despairs and is too cold to unthaw!

I should have guessed that a demon's help ended with blood.

[The words are clearly not his. Neither is the accent he says them in.]

[ Been a while since Hawke has felt her stomach sink like a stone, since she's looked at something and not had the instinctual urge to make a shitty joke about it. Would do it normally but this? This has her in knots. ]

What exactly are you asking him to do?

No.

[The communicator is dropped, showing the ceiling of a shuttle.]

He knows.

Tell me.

[ Her tone is curt, tense, all coiled muscles and gritted teeth. ]

[There's a whine from somewhere off screen. A growl of frustration, maybe.]

No! I don't have to!

[It's not quite childlike, but there is a tinge of fear in it.]

[ Were this an different situation she might make a joke, like dealing with a young Carver all over again. No joke today, only a sharp inhale as her head drops down. ]

─Please, he's my friend and... [ And she'd like to be wrong. ] Maker's balls.

[That works. Cole appears in the screen again, still looking pretty emotionally wrecked.]

He said... if he ever saw me again, he'd kill me. He didn't hunt me down because Dorian asked him not to. At first. His hate burns, blisters, bursts... I know he can do it. I know he would do it.

[ She doesn't react but being right stings. A funny sort of pain that almost makes her laugh. ]

I know Fenris isn't a friendly person, he's probably allergic smiling, but why would he want to kill you? [ Can't inject the humor properly it comes out stiff, awkward, but she tries anyway. ] You don't look like a mage or a slaver.

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