Video

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole
Broadcast: Fleetwide (because he doesn't get the 'private' setting)
Action: A shuttle from the Pathstone which is currently out on its own
When: Two days after this broadcast and minutes after this exchange on the Red Fish.

OOC: This post has potential cw: self harm, suicide, murder, and other self destructive things. Please use discretion.

[The broadcast shows Cole's face, too close to the camera, tear streaked and eyes red rimmed and looking the very model of misery and distress. His voice is a cracked whisper.]

Fenris? I need to see you. I need you to do what Cassandra would've and I know you will. Can.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

[Cole makes a noise torn between a growl and a whine and shoves the communicator away from himself.]

No. Nothing. I need Fenris.

[Yeah, the guy he's terrified of.]

[merchantprince]

Cole.

[He uses the kid's name for the first time like... ever.]

You don't want to die like that. Trust me. Trust me on this-- death right now won't help you. You'll only leave people behind. You don't want that.

[He leans in even as Cole tries to distance himself from the comm.]

What happened? What makes you so sure you need to die?

[killedwithlove]

[The camera keeps showing the ceiling.]

Yes! It will help! I can't let Despair out!

[His shouting is hoarse from his crying.]

[merchantprince]

[Cole's voice is frantic, and Varric's grows quieter in response.]

You need to deal with this yourself. Take a deep breath. I know you're not used to breathing, Kid, but you have to breathe. Inhale and count to ten, then exhale. I'll count. One, two, three, four, five...

You're still you. You just got sucked into their story a little too much. It's okay. Just breathe out and let it go.

[killedwithlove]

[He doesn't want to listen, but he can't help himself. It's not his Varric, but Varric's voice still has the same lulling effect on him. Calming. He finds himself doing it, breathing in and-]

No! It wasn't that! I was Despairing! I offered Mercy and I promised not to do that unless they were dying!

[merchantprince]

[... ah. So that's what happened.]

So you let your emotions get the best of you. So what? It happens to everyone!

You're not just a spirit, Kid. You live with humans while looking like one and acting like one. You're gonna get some human problems too.

[He shakes his head.]

So learn to deal with it like people do. Talk to someone. Work out what happened, what you're feeling. Let your emotions settle a bit, and learn for the future.

But for Andraste's sake, don't just give up because you think you can't handle it. You're stronger than that.

And you're still not a demon. You're talking to me right now, you're crying out for help. You're just a kid.

[killedwithlove]

Humans don't turn into demons when they feel things!

[Well, he's starting to get frustrated, which is at least not panic, terror or grief.]

Being that worthless, that awful, all you can do it bleed and burn and break yourself to make amends, no amount of pain pushes back the pointlessness of being. There's nothing but making it hurt more until one day, it will be enough and it will end.

I wanted to make it end! I would have and I promised not to do that anymore!