driftfleet | Tourist, May I?

[ ok -- now he's confused. and looking it. ]

You're...jealous? [ does.not.compute. ] And insecure? Kitty - you're amazing. You're brilliant, and sweet, and gorgeous, and funny, and I have no idea what you're doing with me - seriously what are you doing with me but just as seriously - don't leave.

I don't want to leave you even a little. [She leans in for a kiss because he's being sweet, but talking is probably what they should be doing so she doesn't let that get too distracting.] You are all those things too by the way.

But I didn't even go through high school. I mean, it was because the world was ending, but still. Then I'm around people with multiple advanced degrees. [Okay, that was Reid, but lots of people have at least one] And I don't know. It's just easy to feel...wrong somehow. [Some of this is just the PTSD talking. She doesn't realize it herself though. Some of it is just culture shock. Some of it is literally being from a timeline that was so wrong and broken they were willing to reset it and erase themselves to give everyone a better chance. She is literally the wrong version of Kitty Pryde. And in her good moments she doesn't think that way, but they can't all be good moments.]

[ the kiss is appreciated - he's upset about cisco, and now he's worried that he hasn't been appreciating kitty enough, too. he hasn't been telling her how great she is, shown her how much he loves her, how lucky he knows he is that she's even giving him a second look enough and - what if someone'll come along who would? he needs to up his game. but more than that - he feels guilty about it. she's amazing, she deserves to know. ]

I know I talk about college a lot, [ it was the first time in his life he was happy after losing his parents ] but it really isn't that important. You know how many super successful geniuses never set foot in college, or dropped out? A lot. You're brilliant, all on your own. Heck, you're smarter than me. [ it's a little painful to admit, his brilliance is mostly what he has going for him, but if he has to admit it to anyone - ] You can always study, you can always learn. What you've got? Is so much more impressive than a hundred advanced degrees. You're not wrong, Kitty. You're - the sort of person they make Oscar winning dramas about.

[He hasn't done a thing wrong. Well, maybe a few things, but they are minor and sporadic and she's done plenty of things wrong. The point is he makes her feel loved and appreciated every time they're together. No one has ever made her feel this wanted before. She has no complaints. He just can't fix everything going on in her mind by being the fleet's best boyfriend.]

I like when you talk about college. You don't have to downplay it for me, but thank you. For everything really. For being you.

[ or maybe he can, he just needs to be a better boyfriend! ]

Can't be anyone else, [ he smiles a little, running his fingers through her hair. he's tried. ] you have nothing to thank me for. You do the heavy lifting - I just notice it. And, for the record, it's really easy to.

[Winn, please.]

Good. You're amazing the way you are. [She almost said perfect, but who needs that kind of pressure?] And I will do my best to play better with Cisco.

[ what, he's clearly not trying hard enough. his bad. he'll do better. don't leave!

he definitely doesn't need it, and he wouldn't really believe it, either. amazing is suspicious enough. he smiles at her an leans in for another kiss. ]

Thanks. You know, he thinks you're really cool. [ ok so they haven't talked about it but he saw his face when kitty phased out of the room. he knows what that expression means. ] If you give each other a chance you could - make me super jealous.

[ he's younger better him. ]

[She meets his kiss warmly.] Just what I always wanted. I mean I was hoping to make you jealous of me and Kara, but it's exhausting flirting with her when you don't even notice. I guess I'll have to switch to Cisco. [Teasing.]

[ he smiles uncomfortably as he pulls away from the kiss ]

Well you know me, I'm a zen master, jealousy's not in my vocabulary -

[ seriously don't flirt with cisco he'll have a panic attack. ]

Wiiiiinn... I should tease you less. [What is this comfortable look? She places a hand over his heart and meets his eyes.] I love you. I want to be with you. I want to tell you things I don't tell other people. I want to be kind of a human disaster around you sometimes. I want you to do the same. I want to make you smile at least once a day but hopefully a lot more. I want to fall asleep and wake up with you daily. I want to get excited with you about science things. I want you to keep doing that thing you do with your tongue. [Smiling.] I want to hold you when you're sad and be held just because. I want you and I accept no substitutes.

If you follow up with that, tease me always -

[ he wasn't expecting that familiar pressure in his chest, that feeling that he's bursting at the seams with feelings, not after the way cisco took off. he feels guilty, feeling it, feeling so happy with kitty right now, but cisco isn't here, and he's made a choice to give him time - a choice that means that there's nothing he can do for him, not today, not unless he reaches out - and kitty is right here and everything she's saying is all he's ever wanted to hear.

he kisses her, full of all the intensity he's feeling this time around, hand tangling in her hair, only stopping to come up for air, leaning his forehead against hers. ]

Human disaster achieved. [ he'd say achievement unlocked, but who is he kidding, he's usually a human disaster. ]

[He manages to get her to come away breathless and smiling.] If this is you as a disaster it's a beautiful thing. All other disasters are appropriately shamed.

It's one of my nicer fragrances.

[ he's got completely awful disaster modes as well, but he's been fighting to keep those down. ]

I want it too, all of it. I could have a million friends - ok no I couldn't - but figuratively - what I mean is - there's only one you. I love hanging out with Cisco, and with everyone else, but you're who I want to come home to.

[ yeah, you know the look she's getting. and if it's not at its full awe, it's because of the guilt he feels for being so happy right now. ]

[Stop that. The point of her saying that was that she wants the real him even the bad parts.]

You say some of the best things. [This is the look that makes her feel like everything really is going to be okay and that she gets to be happy. Maybe not happily-ever-after, but a few moments? Days? Weeks? A year? That's nothing to dismiss.]

I love you.

[ but he doesn't want those parts to be real. ]

Only to you.

[ he fucks up with kara. he fucked up with cisco. when given the chance with his other friends - he's sure he'll fuck up with them too. the only person in his life he seems to be right for - is kitty.

he takes a moment just to breathe her in, to marvel at this amazing life he somehow managed to build for himself, a life in which he's loved by someone who shouldn't even know he's alive, and not just because of their alternate dimensions. ]

I love you too.

Give yourself more of a chance.

[She nuzzles in against him, wrapping her arms around him and feeling content.]

[ he holds her, kissing the top of her head, and is struck by just how amazing it feels to be held and encouraged when he's feeling low, instead of reaching for a bottle or a video game. ]

How do I do that? [ hey, she's smarter than him. maybe she's got the answer. ]

[It is definitely her go-to comfort and it's hard when it's not an option.] Just say what you really feel because I think you have a good heart and even if you stumble over some of the words or they don't come out right at first you'll get to a great place because that's just who you are.

[ as long as it's up to him, it's always going to be an option for her. he runs his fingers through her hair, and thinks about how badly he stumbled with kara, time and time again. but they're still best friends. he'll still do anything for her, and she'll still always be there for him, and that's a great place to end up in, isn't it? even if he can't always say what she needs him to, he always leaves her with a smile.

it's not terrible, at least. ]

I'll try. [ he can't promise; he knows he'll still stumble with keeping it. it's hard to say how he really feels when sometimes what he really feels is selfish and bitter and ugly, and he wants to be as good as she sees him as. but to do that, to really and truly be that - he knows she's right. he has to try harder. ]

[What about when he's the one running off to go do security things on his own on a ship that isn't even his?]

It should be much easier to be you than this. You're such a good you. [Kissing.]

[ keeping her safe is slightly more important than hugs, but if he's made aware that she needs them - she will get all of them once he's done. ]

It's easy enough [ he has it so easy. the worst thing that's ever happened to him is his dad and compared to kara, compared to kitty, compared to margaery...he knows that's not what she means, but the pang of guilt is still there. why is he making everything so complicated when his life was so sheltered? ] I just over-complicate things.

[ he kisses back. kissing is simple. simple is good. ]

[Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.] What are you over complicating? [Kiss.]

[ he would gladly get lost in the kissing, as they usually do, but he's just not all in it when he's this worried about a friend. he shrugs. ]

You know, the opposite list is way shorter. [ kiss. ]

[She can sense that and it's okay. Talking is good. She needs physical bonding, but she needs non-physical bonding too. She's very high maintenance this way.] MmMmm, I asked you a question, sir.

Sir was my -- well, I'm sure some ancestor had enough respectability to pull off 'sir'.

[ he smiles, because that's his instinct. ]

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