Erik "NO" Lehnsherr [Blade | Magneto] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
grandstanding) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
driftfleet2016-06-11 07:03 pm
grandstanding) wrote in driftfleet2016-06-11 07:03 pm
Entry tags:
(no subject)
Who: Erik, Charles, Hank and Raven
Broadcast: nah
Action: the Blameless. warning for injury treatment, probably.
When: June 7th, shortly after this
[This is the second time in the span of seven days that Erik has had to pilot a shuttle while his vision isn't a hundred percent. It's almost a pattern, he thinks blearily to himself. Different causes, though. As the shuttle docks with the Blameless, he can't help but blow out a breath.
First step done. Now to get out.]
Broadcast: nah
Action: the Blameless. warning for injury treatment, probably.
When: June 7th, shortly after this
[This is the second time in the span of seven days that Erik has had to pilot a shuttle while his vision isn't a hundred percent. It's almost a pattern, he thinks blearily to himself. Different causes, though. As the shuttle docks with the Blameless, he can't help but blow out a breath.
First step done. Now to get out.]
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[ And that's what hurts the most, she thinks. It hits her like a tonne of bricks, weighing her down and making something sick and dangerous twist in her stomach, leaving her feeling bitter and angry with a sour taste in her mouth. She might have been happy here, with Hank, being able to wake up beside him and go to bed with him curled up in her arms, but she had never felt safe - she had never felt comfortable. There had always been an edge of danger, not feeling as though she could be herself, as though she could be blue, waiting for something to go wrong.
And it had.
No matter how hard they fight, no matter what they try or what they do, no matter what world they end up in, something will always end up going wrong. They're never going to be safe, be it because they're the ones chosen to suffer or because they're mutants or because of something else, because of their histories and their natures and their personalities. They're not going to be able to be safe and happy because, it seems, that's not what the world wants to give them. Raven thinks she's going to have to fight and keep fighting until her very last breath.
Raven, please don't make us the enemy today.
Look around you, we already are!
That's not going to change, no matter what Charles said. No matter what she did to change their future, what hope she believed in. How could it get better when there was nothing they could do, nothing they could fight against? In their world, at home, there was an enemy, someone she could rise up and challenge, but here there was nothingness. There was an empty space and Raven felt sick.
You can show them a better path. ]
There isn't a better path here, Hank. There's no way we can make sure something like this doesn't happen again.
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He'd been right next to Charles when he spoke to Raven in Washington and he understands what she means immediately and it rackles. It rackles that this world has undone everything she'd managed in a matter of weeks. He wasn't sure where the other two stood in terms of that, or anything else, but that wasn't his focus right now. Raven was, and what she says digs in deep, to all of his fears boiling below the surface]
Hey - listen to me. [he takes her by the shoulders and gently urges her back enough so that he can look at her. He's not Charles, who knew what to say and how. How to reassure with more than just actions.
But damned if he wasn't going to try]
If there's a better way, we'll find it. [he keeps his eyes on hers, watching her carefully] You already proved there is, remember? If you can prove it back home, then it can be done here, too.
[he swallows, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts and put them in order] I can't promise this won't happen again. We don't know - what they're capable of, or what anyone else is capable of here except ourselves. But that doesn't mean we won't be ready for it, either. This - it caught us all off-guard at the worst possible time. But we can get past that and make sure we're not off-guard again.
If it happens, we'll deal with it. That's what we do. And we're not alone to deal with it, either.
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She wishes it was as easy as he was making it out to be. As if being prepared was the only thing they needed to do, as if being prepared would make all of it go away. It's not that easy and she knows it; she was out there, being prepared, prepared to fight and kill people to make sure that mutants were allowed to live. She doesn't want to slide back into that bitterness, that loneliness, not when she finally has something so perfect with Hank and she and Charles are on the brink of expressing all their thoughts to one another, but she's not sure she's strong enough to take it.
Hank looks at her and she feels small, tiny, as if all the changes she had made were suddenly completely meaningless. ]
We shouldn't have to deal with it, Hank. [ And that's when the tears come, prickling at her eyes again and forcing her to blink, turning her head away so she can force them back without him recognising it. ] We shouldn't have to sit and be prepared for the worst, be ready for someone to come and push us to the edge or try and kill us. That's what I wanted to change in Washington because I had seen it all already. I'd seen what trying to be ready for it had gotten us, and all it had done was left us all dead.
[ Azazel, Emma, Sean, Angel, Janos. Hundreds of names that no one else knows because they were covered up, they were hidden - so many brothers, sisters, children, cousins... All those families that will never see the people they love again. She hadn't been able to save them. ]
When will we get a turn to be safe? When will it be our turn to stop worrying and stop hoping the future is going to be better for us?
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He can feel anger rising in the back of his throat and he shuts his eyes for a moment, shoving it back down. Getting angry about it won't change a damn thing. It's done, it's happening, it's their world - another world - all over again, and there's nothing they can do about it. That much he knows, that much he can admit to without everything else getting the better of him.
A conversation springs to mind, recent and fresh, and he takes a deep breath before he tilts his head, trying to catch her eyes. He can't let her feel this way, not when it threatened to shatter everything they'd already built, and stepped on the pieces that have already broken]
We . . . you and me, didn't we agree we'd fight for what we have? [his voice is a little quieter, a little gentler, and he waits for her to look at him before he continues] No matter what, we weren't letting anything take it away. So - so how is this any different?
We shouldn't have to deal with it, or fight, or do anything that we have been doing. It's - never been fair. We've never had a break. But we can't just sit by and continue to hope that it'll get better than what we've had without doing something to get there, either. That goes for this place, too.
We - [and he hesitates here, swallowing hard before he continues] - I sat in that mansion for ten years doing nothing and letting the world handle its own problems, and we know how that went. I hid because we fought and it didn't do a damn thing, not for us. If I learned one thing from all that's happened, it's that we have to fight for the future we want. We can't just - hope for it. Hope isn't enough anymore.
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Both of them are feeling so much, so intensely, that it's hard for either of them to rationalise it. Raven wants to give into the urge to bask in her negativity, to let herself pretend that she didn't have hope, that she never had dreams for the future or plans that included peace and happiness, but it's not that easy. It can't be that easy when Hank is right here in front of her and her brother is next door, hurting but still wanting to make sure she's safe, that she's not upset with him, that she's happy.
She wants to believe in that. She needs to, even as she breaks and falls apart, even as she seems to dive into depression and anger and pain before anything else. Years of being alone had made it difficult for her to be close to people again, but that didn't mean she was incapable. It just meant that she had to work around it, work to remember what it meant to be alongside the people she cared about more than anything else in the world - the people she wanted to fight for.
Hank finds just the right words, and Raven would laugh if she wasn't still so sore and tired. She would laugh because of course he uses what she wants against her, to bring her back from the brink of losing herself again, to drag her back into his arms and keep her there, safe and sound and unable to do anything more than look at him, to stare and know that this is where she's meant to be. Even if she's lost and afraid she knows that this is where her home is now; here, happy, even if it means fighting until her last breath.
It's not going to be easy, and she still believes that fighting shouldn't be their default, that soon they're all going to be so exhausted that there's no hope left, but... At least she knows there is someone who will fight with her. Someone who will stand at her side and someone who isn't afraid to do the same things that she does. ]
Anyone would think you've grown up, Hank.
[ She says it softly, and the way that her eyes search his face gives away something before she can even say it. Her hand lifts away from his shirt and touches his cheek, and she wants to say more but the words won't come. She wants to agree that they're going to fight together, that they're going to claim their future with each other, that they will fight for what they have and not let anything else take it from them.
Hope isn't enough anymore. He's right, but maybe something else is, and the words come out before she can even think. ]
I love you.
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It'd be a lot easier to let it all slip away, sure, to let this overwhelm and bury him. He let it once before. But Erik's words tend to come to mind when he thought like that, an argument on a plane where Erik had shouted at Charles but the words had affected Hank just as much.
He can't go back to that]
I had to. [is his equally soft reply. He had no choice, in the face of everything. He had to grow up and accept things and fight for them if he wanted to survive. Another world had only reinforced that, shown him how much he had to, lest he lose everything again.
He watches her and his eyebrows furrow just a little when she touches his cheek and he isn't sure what to expect, but he's already ready to reassure her further, to say everything he has to make sure she doesn't break either, that what happened doesn't ruin what she fought to build.
But it isn't an argument, or a counter to what he said. It isn't desperate words, angry and upset and bitter with what happened. It's something else entirely, and he feels like his heart stops. He freezes, completely dumbfounded and off-guard, all because of three little words he's only ever thought of. Three words he's never had the gall to speak aloud, because there was never a right time for it.
His expression and mind go blank, and all he can do is stare at her.
Maybe he heard her wrong]
What? [he had to have heard her wrong]
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It's going to take years. It's going to take so long that it won't feel worth it, but Raven had felt the same when she had started her hunt for Trask. She had never imagined it would ever be enough, and there was no peace, not really, but the sense of completion she had felt when she had learned the truth, properly, when she knew what had happened and what she could do to stop it happening again... That's something she can repeat. It's something she can do to help make their future better, and it's not based on hope; it's based on what they can do to fight. Hope doesn't have to come into it, not when it comes to her path and her mission.
There's no changing what they need to do, and she knows it even as she looks at Hank and thinks of Charles and wishes it was easier. ]
We both did.
[ None of them had been given much of a choice as soon as their worlds had been entangled with one another. With Shaw and then Trask and then the future of Sentinels and dangerous weapons that would destroy everything they loved... There was no time to be childish, not anymore, and perhaps that's why she gives into the intensity of her own emotions. Things have been years in the making - and she knows that, she knows how she's grown and shaped as a person.
Forgiveness didn't come easily to Raven, but she understands what Hank said and she understands why he said it - and she had forgiven him years ago, proven in how she had offered herself to him in the mansion and waited for him to see just what she saw in him. She wanted them both to understand the beauty in each other, and she knows that, in their case, distance had made the heart grow fonder. Childish, youthful affection was never the simplest explanation for how she felt towards Hank; she thinks she had loved him for years and never wanted to think about it because of how easily he had broken her heart.
She's not shocked by his reaction, but she does lean forward, tilting her head and tucking herself into his skin, squeezing her eyes shut and breathing out shakily. The fear of being sent away or not being wanted settles around her all over again and she has to force herself to stay calm, to relax, and to not lift herself up and walk away as if she had never said anything.
It might be easier, but she had never picked the easiest path for herself before. ]
I know you heard me, Hank.
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Not the same sort of terror that comes with being with Raven and doing or saying the wrong thing, no. That was something he was working on and could be worked on, where all he had to do was think before he talked and not let this the first thing slip out unbidden. He figured that came with most relationships anyway, albeit at a much lower intensity than what he normally felt. And that could be attributed to their history, too. That was normal, and it was a part of them.
No, this is the kind of terror that comes with saying something that is just asking for something else to come along and ruin it. That taps into his paranoia and makes it hard to breathe, that reminds him that they're never allowed to be happy, not for very long, and saying those words out loud - acknowledging how they felt about each other was like putting up a beacon, inviting the universe to try and destroy it. It had almost done it in the past and he'd stubbornly held on, too in love and too heartbroken to do otherwise, but they'd never spoken about it. Here, they've spoken about it far more than ever before.
We'll fight for this; that's the only reason he isn't running. Why he isn't reacting any other way. He knows he loves her and he's never doubted that even once, and as terrified as he is, he'll still fight. He's fought out of fear before, and this was far more important. He didn't want to lose this, had promised he'd fight for this, and this was just - enforcing that. He loved her. He loved her with all of his heart] I - I heard you.
I love you too.
[it's out of his mouth before he can work up the nerve to stutter it out. As if saying those words were as easy anything else, and maybe it was. They'd shown it in so many other ways that saying it wasn't that different. It just wasn't the right time. His arms slowly tighten around her, still a little dazed by hearing it all out loud, but he draws her as close as he can and breathes]
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It's not something she's going to say often, either, and she knows it. It's hard enough for her to tell Charles that she loves him, to bare her heart to his scrutiny and hope that he doesn't dip in and see the confusion and the fear that prickles at her constantly, the things that leave her on edge and feeling more and more dangerous as time goes on. It's harder with Charles but, at the same time, it's easier too - he knows she loves him because they grew up swallowed in that love, basking in one another and feeling stronger and better for it.
This isn't like this. This is something more, bigger and dangerous. It's terrifying because if something like this happened to Hank, if someone hurt him or tried to do something to break him Raven knows she wouldn't be able to hold back. The agony she feels right now would be amplified and there would be no way for her to fight against it. The only reason she's been able to come down from the high of pain and hurt and anger is because Hank guided her away from the edge with gentle words and soft touches, promises that she knows he's going to keep, and if he wasn't there to do it... Raven fears where she might end up.
The words are sacred, and special, and Raven doesn't ask him to repeat them. Her arms slip around his neck and she pushes herself up, one hand lifting to his cheek so she can lean in and kiss him, press their mouths together gently and give into the urge to be with him, just like this. No one else exists in the moment and she kisses him with everything she has, pressing all her love into it before she leans back, breathing out and searching his face.
Then, she smiles. ]
I'm glad.
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Saying it out loud, it just adds a weight to it. That they're both acknowledging it with words rather than actions. In a way, it's the same as putting labels to what they were; it doesn't change anything, not really, but there's something else to it, now. Like it's the next step and they're taking it together, just like they always have when it came to them. As terrifying as it is, he still feels warm and open. Content can come later, when there isn't as many other emotions flying around. But it's getting there.
He opens his mouth to respond to her and the words just won't come, so instead he reaches up to cup her face, searching her expression before he leans in to kiss her again, gentle and soft and full of every warm feeling he has. If there weren't two idiots resting in the room behind them, he'd take her to their room and continue there, but - this is fine, for now]
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Even now all she can do is lean close to him and tilt into the kisses, to give herself over to Hank and let herself share this beautiful moment. She knows what would happen if Charles and Erik weren't there, but she also knows if they hadn't been there then she likely would never had let the worlds stumble out of her mouth, might never have voiced all her fears and her doubts and the things that make her feel far weaker than she ever has before. The fact that she can lean into Hank now and kiss him, knowing that he knows just how much she loves him... At least she can be thankful for that.
When she leans back it's so she can gift him a handful more of quick, innocent kisses, chaste and gentle against his lips even as she speaks, mumbling against his mouth before she smiles, her thumb brushing over his lower lip and resting there for a brief moment. ] When they're better I'm going to take you to our room and not let you go for a long time, Hank.
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He can't help but make a choked noise into the kiss, though, yet another thing she's said throwing him completely off-guard. He can feel the tips of his ears turning red, and he's too tired to fluster properly but it's still there in the way his hands drop to grasp her hips, flexing against her sides. He's very glad that she's kissing him otherwise he may say something incredibly dumb without thinking about it first.
Of course when she stops he immediately looks elsewhere, needing something else to distract him. This is a different kind of overwhelmed, he thinks, and she knows exactly how he would react saying that. Dammit]
I - uh, I - told them they could use our room to rest. [Hank McCoy: ruining moments since 1962]
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[ It's nice to go back to something familiar, she thinks, to be able to see Hank get flustered and embarrassed and feel like it's normal. It doesn't stop her from feeling exhausted and it doesn't take away the bruising on her heart or her worries, but it makes her feel a bit better, as if things are somehow a little more manageable. Nothing is going to be perfect, not when Charles and Erik are in pain and suffering and there's nothing they can do to promise their safety in the future, but at least they have this beautiful moment with each other for now.
Her hand strokes against Hank's cheek and, for a moment, she just stares at him. It's strange to think that not too long ago she was certain she would never have anything like this, that her fear had kept her apart from him and her violent streak had kept her away from Charles - even knowing that he thought she was beautiful and that he wanted her hadn't felt like enough. This, she thinks, is enough, more than enough, and she smiles as her thumb touches his cheekbones. ]
Besides, I'm sure neither of them want the details.
[ She can't help her smile, leaning in to press a soft kiss to the tip of one of his red ears. ]
I don't mind waiting.
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[it isn't as though either of them will be doing much for the next few days, and inevitably when they decide to stubborn their way back to the other ship, that'll be fine. But for now he wants both of them here, for both his and Raven's sakes; they're both exhausted and stressed and knowing that erik and Charles are just around the corner - it'll help, he thinks. Even if he's sure that he'll bicker with them both.
But that was normal.
He blinks at her and huffs out a weak noise, glancing elsewhere even as he tilts his head into her touch]
I'm not giving them details. [he mutters with a face] That's like asking them to tease.
[and that's a big fat nope, thank you]
I don't - mind waiting either.
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[ They're lucky that the Blameless is a quiet, understated ship, and with Hank as captain and her as first mate it means they'll be able to at least organise things a little to make things easier for Charles and Erik. Their room - rooms, technically, since they do have one each - might not be big but it'd be enough, and if she and Hank can share a bed then there'd likely be enough space for Charles and Erik to squash together too. They can have the captain's quarters and she can drag Hank to the room she had abandoned, not too far away.
She doesn't want to be too far from them. She wants to be close, in case she's needed.
(She doesn't imagine she will be, but it doesn't hurt to be prepared).
Moving back to Hank's mouth she kisses him again, holding him gently and feeling warmth flood her, happiness taking the place of the anger and pain she was feeling. It's not going to make everything better nor will it make it all go away, but it's enough to make it pause for now, enough to make her feel like she can breathe through her exhaustion. ]
It's a date, then. We can just be together, lock the door, spend a day with each other.
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[no offense, Erik.
They do have things to their advantage, here, and if it turns out there's still a threat out there it isn't as though they can't just put the ship on lockdown. With Charles and Erik here and taken care of, he has the other people in the crew to check on, to make sure they're safe too in case they got caught up in the chaos, too. Other people, too, mutants, friends -
He doesn't think he'll be going anywhere anytime soon and he's fine with that. He's needed here.
He kisses back, then rests his forehead against hers, sighing out quietly. Sooner or later they're going to have to rest themselves, more than what they're doing now - if they can manage it, that is. He shuts his eyes and manages something of a half-smile]
I'm okay with that. We can catch up on all the sleep we're going to miss.
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[ Which is about as much of a hint as she's willing to give that she's spoken to Erik about the world the three of them were in before this one, asked him about what it was like, how it changed him, how it changed his relationship with Charles. There's still a long way for her to go before she can accept things and really move forward, but she knows she's trying and she knows that Charles and Erik can see it. Hank can, too, even if they're more careful with each other, not wanting to upset the balance they've found in each other's arms.
Both of them are so tired that Raven can't even think about pushing herself up to her feet and walking back into the room. The emotional weight is as heavy as the physical effort it takes to make sure both Charles and Erik are alright, and knowing that it's not going to end for a little while should scare her. Instead, it's almost comforting - knowing she can watch them, make sure they're safe, make sure they're alive... It makes her feel better than she had before.
Even if Hank completely misses her meaning - though the idea of just collapsing and falling asleep in his arms is just as tempting as anything else her mind can come up with. ]
Focus on them and then focus on us, right?
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[he can't help but be a little thankful that all of his bad habits tend to work out for the better in these situations. Insomnia, working himself to exhaustion, he's more used to that than he should be and yet, it always seems to come in handy somehow.
When things let up, and they've had time to start healing and resting, he knows he'll be pleased that they're all in the same place once more. A shadow of what home should have been, and one that will be fleeting, but - it'd be a lie to say he didn't miss them all together.
He doesn't miss her meaning, exactly, but he's too tired to really muster up any genuine flustering. It's easier to be practical, until he finds his second wind]
Mmhmm. Though I think now that they're resting we can focus a little bit on us for now.
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[ Raven can't imagine Erik being the kind of person to offer any kind of dating advice, but she had never imagined him as the kind of person that could be in any kind of romantic relationship. She had been proven wrong on that front, by her own brother no less, and she supposes all her preconceptions need to be put aside for now. The things she thought she knew don't exist anymore, and she has to get used to that feeling - she has to get used to the knowledge that it's not going to be that simple anymore.
At least they have a little bit of time. Charles and Erik are going to be on the Blameless for a little while and it means she can use the time to be around them, despite lingering awkwardness. When Charles is feeling better she knows that she's going to have to ask him about what happened to him and she knows it's going to be awkward and painful, but it's something she has to understand if they're going to move forward and begin to renew their relationship properly.
Neither of them can walk on eggshells anymore.
Closing her eyes, Raven leans close and rests against Hank, tilting her head so she can settle it on his shoulder, letting herself draw on his strength for a moment. She's tired right down to her bones and all she wants is to sleep for a while - but sleep is far, far way for now. Sleep can come when Erik and Charles are settled and patched up and in their bed ready to get their own rest. ]
We have focussed on us, haven't we? We'll need to go back inside soon.
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[he says it with a huff, because he may have been out of touch with the world for a long time, he wasn't that bad. He won't say anything further about Erik's romantic . . . whatevers, though, despite knowing that Charles and Erik have their own moments and dates and whatever else. Not only was it not his place, he didn't want to think about it.
He moves a hand to rub her back in slow, soothing motions, eyes still closed and just taking the moment to relax. To let some of the tension aching in his shoulders to ease. They did take some time for themselves but he had meant later, once they were settled and Hank felt like like could move further than just the wall outside. He presses a kiss to her temple and makes an agreeing noise]
If we don't they'll get suspicious.
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[ What it means to her, at least, is that they're all moving forward together. There are things they still have to learn, but they're all trying, as a group. No one else on this fleet - or in the world, really - can understand what they mean to each other, how important their relationships with each other are, and Raven knows that it's something that they need to come to terms with themselves. One by one things will end up getting better, but it's going to take time and effort and work for them to reach a point where they're all happy.
For now, she can lean into Hank, feeling the warmth of his touch and the contentment that comes with it. It's not as if her anger has been erased, or her exhaustion has been forgotten, but it's enough that she can put a pause on it for now. It's enough that she can feel as though she is comfortable going back inside, comfortable seeing to her brother and seeing to Erik, able to put all the pain and heartache to one side and compartmentalise before she loses her mind again, comes close to the brink of losing herself to her own sadness.
Tilting her head, she smiles, holding onto Hank and not wanting to let go. ]
I'm sure they're thinking the same thing. Maybe they needed some privacy too.
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[not that he had to, mentioning the hotel, but he didn't say it and Erik didn't ask, so he wasn't thinking about it. He isn't thinking about happiness, either - not in the sense he had in the past. This place had already gone and proven that if they focused on it too much it would try to snatch it away, and he wasn't making that mistake again.
There's a very distinct pause as he considers what she says and he leans to the side, just a bit, quiet while he listens. He can't hear into the room that well, but he can hear the quiet murmur of voices. He leans back and makes a noise, resting his chin on her shoulder]
Mm, I'm sure they do need it. [and, because he's a brat] But if they're making out in there I will hit them both.
[he knows they aren't, but he has to joke about something, everything is too serious now]
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[ But she hadn't shared details with her brother, and she didn't intend to, either. They were happy making sure their romantic lives were entirely separate from their platonic ones and Raven was okay with that; she was okay with not knowing any of the things that Erik and Charles got up to when they were alone together. She was sure Charles would have a hernia if she started telling him everything she did with Hank.
Raven follows Hank, moving forward to try and listen, but her hearing isn't as sensitive as his and all she can hear is their breathing. When he comes back to her she wraps herself around him, turning her head and kissing just above his ear, smiling fondly to herself as she settles, comfortably. ]
If they're making out in there I'll hit them. They're in our lab and they're in no fit state for anything beyond PG-13.
[ Not that she wants to think about that, either, because.
Brother. ]
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[Hank was more than okay with that. Both because it would just be strange to him, to share those details, and because in general he's always been a fairly private person. What they did behind closed doors was their business, and what the other two did was their business.
He hums his agreement and wraps his arms around her a little tighter, sighing out. He's fine sitting out here a little longer to give them privacy, so they can check on each other and discuss whatever it is they probably want to without he and Raven in the room. He turns his head to kiss her temple]
PG. [head injuries and fractured ribs do not make for PG-13. And a pause]
You called it our lab.
[he wins]
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[ It's odd, mostly because she had imagined that Charles might warn her away from Hank, especially since she had been alone and living the life of a vigilante for so long. She doesn't want to feel as though she might be working towards breaking his heart, but it's entirely possible - even though she knows she will go through incredible lengths to prevent it. She wants to give Hank love, not leave him hurting and vulnerable.
At least they're cuddled close now, feeling warm and comfortable and happily at peace. The exhaustion might not leave and the hurt is still a sore, open wound in her chest but she's content to settle herself in Hank's arms, to turn into his touches and the press of his lips before she huffs a little noise, leaning back. ]
PG is definitely the better option for everyone involved, isn't it?
[ And then she leans back, frowning. ]
Only because I was promoted! It's still ninety percent yours.
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