driftfleet | (no subject)

That's the idea.

[ His lips curve, wistful. ]

I'm a little new to it myself.

Then we can learn together.

[ It's a little awkward, but Raven tries. ]

I'm not all that good at it really.

I find that rarely matters in the grand scheme of things. So long as we don't give up, it can't be taken from us.

When have I ever given up?

[ He grins. ]

It's certainly not your style.

My style is better than that.

[ Stepping ahead, she pauses outside of Charles' room. ]

I feel like I should warn you that what I want to talk about isn't nice.

[ He shakes his head as he wheels himself in. ]

We all have things like that. It doesn't need to be nice. It's fine by me.

I wish I had nice stories to tell you.

[ As soon as she's inside she transforms, relaxing into her natural self and breathing out. ]

Should I just... Go?

[ He softens. It's hard. It's always hard. There's no real way to start, no way to move forward under than a driving pressure to speak. ]

I can go first if you like. I did say I would.

No, I can do it.

[ She moves, standing at the other side of the room, before she breathes out. ]

I know you talked to me, about Trask, in the airport. But did you see how I found out what he'd done?

No. Logan gave us the . . . basics. He didn't tell us much more than that.

I broke into Trask's office, pretending to be him. I... I needed to find something to prove that it was him, so I needed to find the evidence.

[ Her gaze turns away, and she has to swallow it, throat tight. ]

I found autopsies. Dozens of them.

[ His expression flickers. ]

That would line up with what Logan told us.

[ Raven breathes out a shaky noise. ]

I saw Azazel and Angel, and dozens of others. So many of them, Charles, and I...

[ Her hands clench and her chest hurts. ]

I couldn't save them. I was too late.

[ He breathes out. He remembers the accusations hurled at him in the plane. They were merited, but Charles couldn't play God anymore. He had lost his touch. ]

Trask may not have died, but his legacy is tarnished. People now know what he did and they have turned away from him.

You saved them, Raven. You saved them all.

No, I didn't!

[ She shakes a little and she breathes out, her jaw tight, trying to keep herself together. ]

They took them when they were asleep. They were cowards and they just took them. I wasn't there and I should have been. Not even Emma heard them coming and we came back and they were gone.

[ It's hard to breathe. ]

They took Angel's wing, the one that was damaged, and they cut into Azazel as if they'd be able to find some little thing that explained why he could teleport, and there were so many children, Charles. All of them taken and hurt because they still hate us.

[ She's trying her best to keep her mind and herself together. ]

I want to hope, Charles, but... I don't know how when all I can think about is those pictures.

[ He had forgotten, in a way, how monstrous people could be. He had spent so much time fighting against the powers that people rarely fell under that clause. He wheels closer. ]

Then don't. There's nothing wrong with that either.

[ Raven struggles because all she had seen in the last ten years was the pain and the hurt people caused her people. All she had seen was their suffering, and she just... Can't handle it. She can't, and it's obvious in how she seems to be breaking. ]

But how can I go back if I don't hope?

[ She still imagines that their relationship, their friendship, is dependent on things she can't control. ]

Raven, there are no . . . stipends to our relationship. The mansion is your home. It doesn't simply belong to me. It belongs to Hank. To you. To Erik. I've never -- [ He never touched their rooms. Except for the occasional clean up and dusting, but nothing was overturned or changed. He exhales. ]

The only thing that matters if you want to come back is that you want to. That's all.

[ He rubs his hands, an old nervous habit. ] Erik came because I told him he could. If he wanted to. I don't have any illusions. He probably won't stay. Maybe you won't either.

But that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how far apart we are. You can always come back. And you don't have to change to do it.

It wasn't my home, Charles, it was where I lived. Where we lived. Home wasn't...

[ It was never a place. The mansion had been Charles', as had the rooms they shared in Oxford and all the things in between. Home had been when she was with him, no matter where she was; she couldn't tie some emotional meaning to a cold, empty house in the middle of Westchester. She could give it to Charles, though, because even the fleet felt a little like home with all of them there together.

It doesn't make this easier for her, of course, because she had felt stifled for so long and then been given too much freedom - she doesn't know where to go or what to choose, and she shivers a little under the weight of her own choices.

Standing alone, nervous and afraid, Raven breathes out, fighting her own emotions and her own tears. ]

I don't want to leave you again.

[ He can't help flinching. But the sting leaves as quickly as it comes.

Charles closes his eyes. Warring in him is his belief that everyone leaves and there's no way to stem the tide. Raven had a different calling. Would she ever be happy with him when there's so much more to her life than Charles?

But life was more than just him. Charles is exploring his new avenues. His dream is still alive, in him. What kind of person would he be if he limited hers? ]

I know you don't. But Raven, the world is so . . . large and full of opportunities. It's waiting for you.

And I'll wait too.

You can, but can everyone else?

[ What if she really did set up roots in Westchester, coming and going as she needed to? What if she formed bonds with mutants that reminded her of herself, children in Charles' school, abandoning them time after time? She would feel like she had to stay for them and she would feel trapped all over again - Raven needed a purpose, a reason, and she wouldn't be able to find it if she thought she was chained and behind bars.

And then there was Hank.

He had told her he'd wait for her, that she could come and go, but it wasn't fair. He had told her that all of her pain, her hurt - she could take it out on him and he would bear it. That wasn't fair. She was afraid of what the future might hold for them, that if she didn't settle down properly she was damning Hank to a half-life of a broken romance, and that wasn't right. She might be cruel and sharp sometimes but she wasn't evil.

Stepping forward, she drops down, exhausted, fingers touching Charles' knuckle before she fliches away. ]

It wouldn't work. How could it, Charles?

I think you might be underestimating people a little there. Love can handle many obstacles. I've weathered worse. Give it a chance, Raven. Give yourself a chance.

You know Hank. You know me. Do you really think it wouldn't work?

[ Hank and Charles have been through the crucible. They've been broken, but they've also mended. And they've come out stronger. Sure, there were sharp edges that needed fixing but they were still whole and prepared to tackle this new future.

But they haven't forgotten their roots. ]

It wouldn't work because it wouldn't be fair, Charles.

[ But even as she says it she knows it's not right for her to decree what's fair and not fair to someone else. She doesn't get to tell Hank that it's not okay for him to choose to love her and her freedom all at once, because it's hypocritical and wrong. She wants to demand that things work the way her mind wants them to, but that's not how people work.

Raven also knows Hank wouldn't mind waiting years for her if it meant he could spend twenty four hours with her at the end of it.

Bowing her head, she frowns, trying to make it all make sense in her own mind. ]

You know I love him, don't you?

I know that. Nothing that happened was fair, Raven. But it is also our choice.

[ It's the last thing he wants for Hank. Charles is - and will always be - protective of Hank. While their relationship doesn't mirror his familial desire with Raven or his need of Erik. But he also recognizes that this is Hank's decision, not Charles. And they've always stood by each other's choices. With a firm grip on his emotions, he wrenches his anger and forces it down to be calm. ]

Hank and myself - we've learned from our mistakes. He's not going to suffer because you're not there, Raven. Because he also has a dream, a life he's going to pursue. That's the kind of love we have.

It's not suffering in silence or anything poetic. It's simply what we've chosen. Because we have hope.

Edited 2016-07-03 02:30 (UTC)