driftfleet | Let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya

[das gay, mikleo.]

Maybe the people who made the garden are still around. You can ask them how they did it.

[To make a tree grow, they'll need water, soil, and sunshine. How the hell do they get sunshine inside a ship? It's a big problem.]

[shh it's totally normal]

There's a thought. And we can get Sorey to ask around this place, too- see if the locals can recommend any sturdy plants that might survive in space more easily.

[He's pretty sure Sorey will be all for it once he hears what they want to do and why.]

Yeah.

[This is totally possible. And since Dezel is taking up residence on the Huntress, it's beneficial to everyone involved.

While they're considering the details, Dezel beckons the wind to carry away the steam. It makes little swirly pictures that disappear in an instant, either because steam is inherently short-lived or because Dezel can't actually see what he's making.]

[Mikleo makes a mental note to discuss it with Sorey when the high of just being here wears off, and they have a quiet moment. It's a really good idea, though. Just imagining a little piece of this place, even a fragment of life on those miserable ships... he knows they have to leave this place eventually, but this is at least one small comfort.

He can also see the little swirls Dezel's making in the air, and for a little while he just watches them curiously, sending up a bit more of the steam so his companion has more to work with. It's fascinating, and it brings to mind something else he's been thinking about since arriving.]

Hey, Dezel... I was wondering. The way you use the wind to see- how does it work?

[Maybe it's rude to ask something like that, but for all his brusque nature, Dezel's the one seraph who's didn't really hesitate to answer his questions. Edna's mockery or Lailah's vow, even Zaveid's playful teasing- there was always something to detract from the answer he got. Dezel was different. He'd been blunt, but he was earnest.]

[The ships really are miserable, and Dezel will have to be dragged back to his kicking and screaming. Ah, well. That's just his life now. If he can't have something at home, where he was born (even if he doesn't belong), he can at least try to have something nice here.

He lets Mikleo lead the conversation, though he isn't expecting that question.]

Every wind seraph can use the wind as an extension of himself. If you touched a lake and focused, you could tell if there was something at the bottom, right? It's like that.

But I have an advantage. The wound I have gives me greater control over the wind. I can 'see' anything the wind touches as long as I'm near it. It'll tell me the shape of something, what it smells like, even the color. I can hear things from far away, too.

[Mikleo listens carefully, taking each detail to heart and mulling it over before he speaks again.]

If it's like that, then... there's a chance that other elements can be used the same - or at least in a similar way, then, right? Like Windstepping?

[Because yeah, he can sense things in a body of water, but it's not really like "seeing", more of a general feel. And there's water in all kinds of places besides the usual lakes, rivers, and such. Heck, there's tons of water in the air on especially moist days.

There's potential- and in his mind, it's just one more way to get stronger.]

[That's an interesting idea. He's never really thought about it; though each seraph is intrinsically connected to his or her element, he's never ran into another one without sight. How could someone use fire to see? It's a good question.]

Hmm... probably. [A pause.] Don't go hurting yourself just to see if you can do it.

There's water in pretty much everything-- start with that.

I'm not planning to- you think it could hurt?

[He's not... worried, but he doesn't want to cause Sorey any more worry by taking on more than he can handle. It'd be good to know ahead of time.]

It shouldn't, but it took me losing a whole sense in order to learn.

[Wait, he's got it.]

A blindfold could work.

A false sensory deprivation, huh...

[That's manageable. He's not looking for an easy way out or anything - any skill worth having means putting in an equal amount of work - but he doesn't want it badly enough to do anything too reckless during the learning process.]

I think it's worth trying.

You want to get stronger?

[It's a statement as much as a question. Though his hair mostly obscures his face, his silver eyes are looking right at Mikleo.]

[Mikleo glances over, meeting his gaze unflinchingly. It's not like he's been subtle about it with the others; there's no sense in hiding it from Dezel, either.]

I do. For what we're trying to accomplish, I don't have enough experience or power as a seraph. If I slack off, I'll never grow.

Yep. [It comes off a little brusque, but that's Dezel for you.] But you'll get stronger. Not just through armatization, but other things, too.

I thought that was all I needed, you know. Get the artifact, get a Shepherd, get my revenge. Turns out it's a more complicated than that.

[He leans his head back. His long hair just barely touches the water, turning the tips a brighter green.]

You'll do alright.

[It's a comfort to hear those words from Dezel especially- to be taken seriously from someone who gets it, rather than to have his concerns shrugged aside. It's not enough to be told that he's strong as he is now, or even that he's stronger than he was. He knows that, he's not stupid. But the potential is important. Strife to improve, struggle, learn, grow. The last thing he needs is for an ego to stagnate him.

He clasps his hands together beneath the water, nodding slowly.]

...Thank you. That... means a lot.

[Dezel sends a little gust of wind right at Mikleo's face, purely to mess with his hair. Mostly because he's too busy to get up and do it himself. He's comfy where he is, just soaking and talking shop with someone who was initially very unsure about him.

Yeah, he doesn't regret some things at all.]

It's my turn to ask you something.

[PFF and that gets Mikleo to jerk upright in his seat with an indignant noise. He lifts one hand to touch his face, then hastily pats down his hair. Good grief, he's worse than Zaveid with th-

...no, no he's not.]

Wh... what?

[... Yeah, no, he's not. It's just an innocent hairruffle. He's not going to make a pass at you even if Sorey thinks you're a hot babe.

He doesn't lift his head. His voice is quiet, but Mikleo can certainly still hear him.]

Do you blame yourself for what happened?

[.....ah.

Mikleo doesn't need to ask what he means. There's only one thing he could mean.

Doesn't make answering any easier, though.]

It's... it's not guilt, exactly. I can look back on what happened objectively and recognize that there were a lot of factors involved. Symonne set us up, we fell for her illusions, you broke the pact so Lailah couldn't hold you back. All of us could have done things differently to prevent what happened back then.

[But that's not all. And losing someone - losing an ally, a friend - isn't something you can think about from a purely objective standpoint. It's not like reading a history text and taking both sides into consideration.

He grips his hands together again, more tightly this time, to keep them occupied. That night had been hard on all of them, and he hadn't really wanted to talk about it since.]

I'd be lying, though, if I didn't say that I wish I'd done more. Maybe if I'd healed you, instead of going to fight the hellion... Sorey already had Lailah and Edna, I wasn't necessary. But you needed someone, and I just...

[...okay, maybe it is guilt, at bit.]

... Thought so.

[He isn't dismissing Mikleo's concerns. He just... had a feeling that it contributed to how awkward things were with Dezel and Sorey and Mikleo. It's hard to just go back and pretend what happened didn't happen. And it's not that Dezel would ever try to pretend it didn't, but-- he's not good at navigating social things. Never has been. While he's already had a talk with Sorey about this, he hasn't spoken to Mikleo about it; maybe they're too different, or maybe they're too alike. Dezel wishes he had said something earlier, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.]

There's nothing you could've done, Mikleo. I'm not saying that to make you feel better. I knew if I got hurt I couldn't recover using the Shepherd's power, and it was a risk I was willing to take.

[He continues to stare blankly at the sky above them, not seeing it but feeling it in a way he can't describe to anyone else.]

It was all messed up from the very beginning.

[He's not sure if that can make him feel any better, much as he wishes it would. Either he's useless because he didn't do something, or he's useless because he couldn't? It's a hard pill to swallow. And it isn't about him, he knows it isn't. Never has been.

But he wishes, so hard, that it could have been different. For Sorey, for Rose. They should have been able to save him, somehow.]

Why... why, though? We never understood... why didn't you let us help you? Why was it so important, after everything?

[Why wasn't it enough? Rose had said he was smiling- that he was happy, in the end. Did he have to die to realize that?

He's not going to cry. He'd told himself again and again that he wouldn't. But there's an ache in his chest, and his teeth are clenched, because god, does it ever hurt to think about it.]

[He's quiet for a long moment. Mikleo's always been emotional even though he's of a cooler temperament than Sorey. They're two halves of a whole. He can deal with Sorey being mad at him, or even Mikleo, but it's the grief that really gets him.

He never wanted anyone to grieve for him. He didn't think they would.]

... I didn't have anything else. [That sounds selfish. And it is.] I threw it all away for the sake of revenge. Memories, people, names... I'll probably never find them again.

[That's just how he is. He's all or nothing with every single thing that he does.]

What I still remembered was so important that I could never forget. It's as permanent as my lack of sight. And it kept me going.

Edited 2016-07-04 06:49 (UTC)

[You had us. But as much as he wants to be angry at Dezel for that, he doesn't relish in the thought of blaming him entirely for his own death, which is how something like that might sound. What Dezel's saying makes it seem like everything they all went through together was worthless, though, and he knows that's not true. It's infuriating and gut-wrenching at the same time.

The problem is: what does he say to that? Is he supposed to just accept that as Dezel's answer? Because he can't. He can't even try.]

We were making new memories. All of us, together.

[It's cheesy. It's totally a Sorey line. But Sorey's not here right now, and Mikleo can admit that Sorey's better with this sort of thing than he is. The sentiment is shared, at least.

Just because he hadn't been especially good at it didn't mean he hadn't wanted to know Dezel better, back then.]

[He lets out a breath through his nose, nice and slow. This isn't new information. It's so like Mikleo to say it, even though it'd usually be a Sorey line; they're more alike than they'd ever admit. And Dezel can't disagree with it. That was one of the things he'd realized too late. All the trouble he'd caused Rose, she was fine with it, because she got to travel and make new friends.

Wasn't it the same for him?]

I know. And they did mean something. But I didn't-- [He reaches up, puts a wet hand against his forehead.] -- I thought I wasn't important.

[Whoop, there it is.]

I left you all with the consequences. I know it wasn't fair.

[Ah--

Mikleo catches that one, and it shuts him up for a long moment. So... that's it. He probably shouldn't be surprised, but to hear it said aloud is at least a confirmation. And it helps him understand, even a little, where to go from here.

He takes in a long, deep inhale. Exhale. One more. It's shaky, tiny ripples in the water around him, but he tries to quell them. This is important.]

Did Sorey tell you... what happened, the morning after?

[Dezel feels the little tremble in the water, but he wisely doesn't mention it. There is a certain stillness between them, heavy in the air too. It feels different than before.

And then it comes.]

... No. [He frowns, though it's honestly his usual expression, and glances in Mikleo's direction.] But I didn't ask.

[Didn't want to rub salt in the wound.]

Let's all hold hands and sing Kumbaya

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a bit more* omg that typo.... UGH

.....i didn't notice hahaha

NEITHER DID I IS THE PROBLEM

it's okay you're not fired for this

i should be fired for that tag though and i'm sorry (no i'm not)

would you feel better if i fired you and then hired you back on

no because i'm firing you first???? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT TAG??????????????????

YOU STARTED IT

you started YOUR FACE

WOW RUDE LEAVE MY FACE OUT OF THIS

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