driftfleet | Video + Action | So a mage and a Spirit wake up in the same body...

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Video + Action | So a mage and a Spirit wake up in the same body...

Who: Anders + you
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Málum
When: 8/10, the day after this post

//Video//
[When the video clicks on, it's to show Anders in the Three Twins med bay, this time awake and clearly a lot more awkward about adressing the network than he'd been a week back. On top of that, he's ten years older than he was a week back, although for all his gauntness and heavily apparent exhaustion, he might as well look an extra thirty years older.

Time has not been kind to the man who once shined his charisma and humor on the fleet.]

Hello. Sorry, apparently I've been in one of those comas that happen here, although mine was one of those that came new memories. So, if we had an appointment of any kind, I'd appreciate the reminder I'm...still a little scattered on...well, everything. It's been a while, but also hasn't. [It was an attempt at humor, but his tone falls flat and the smile that hesitantly tries to stretch his lips doesn't seem to know if it even belongs there and dies quickly.]

For those on the Three Twins, I apologize for being unavailable. The clinic will be up and running as it should be, erm, well, tomorrow. Tonight, I'll be at the Málum. [Maker how he wished it could be getting drunk instead of simply appeasing Adalwolfe's overprotective concern.]

Sorry to anyone who I might have caused concern.

[He clicks off the transmission with another awkward half-smile and then sets about contacting those he needed to the way Adalwolfe had shown him.]

//Private to Fenris and Marian//
[Can he get away with not talking to them? Probably not. Which is why he contacts them with voice only, not quite willing to look either of them in the eye when his memories, thoughts and emotions were still so jumbled and confusing.]

I remember Kirkwall. [And the hole in the sky, but that was far less important when it came to them.]

//Action-Málum//

He'd told Hawke he'd follow him as soon as he'd sorted some things at the clinic. Well, now those were sorted and he'd come as promised to the bar his boyfriend worked at. He certainly didn't mind being close to his fellow mage while he worked, in fact he took some solace in Adalwolfe's nearness, he just wasn't sure he wanted to be out in public just yet either. How long had it been since he'd even been in a crowded place? Three years? They'd been on the run for so long, if it weren't for their village they'd adopted, he'd almost be afraid he'd completely forgotten how to talk to other people.

Anyone who might happen upon him or come looking for him in the bar would find him sitting at the counter, something strong he wasn't drinking and food he wasn't touching placed in front of him. His eyes occasionally darted up to follow Hawke with clear affection and adoration in them, but they'd inevitably fall back to the bar's surface as though attempting to memorize the patterns in the grain there.

He so wished he could call Justice up just to tell him to sod off for one night. Maker damn him, he just wanted to get drunk one last time. The things you don't appreciate when you're younger and not hosting a spirit who chases all the alcohol from your system before it can even settle in.

There were a lot of things he didn't appreciate ten years ago.

Only a week ago.

He sighed. Even without the booze, his head was swimming.

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Of sorts.

[It comes out far more bitter than he'd intended and he quickly shakes his head.]

What do the details matter, Riona? It's happened, it can't be changed.

They matter to me. I want to know what happened. I want to know what in Thedas drove you and Justice to blow up a damn Chantry. I want to know what happened to my friends, both of whom would never have done such a thing. [Here the wind seems to be knocked out of her sails, as she quietly adds:] Once upon a time, anyway.

[She knows this is going to hurt. She knows it can't be changed. And maybe she shouldn't ask, because it'll be another burden on her shoulders. But she also can't not know.]

[His mind darts back to that time, a decade past now, the Wardens falling into something unrecognizable from how Anders had known them once Riona went back to her Kingdom and the Orlisian Warden Commander stepped in.

He'd seemed decent, at first, and Stroud had sworn by him. Clarel, seemed promising too, another mage among the Wardens. Anders had felt hope. And then the Templars had come. Wanting to join, supposedly, but Anders knew them from Kinloch. Anger surged through him and blue cracks chipped through his skin and he covered his eyes with his hand to calm himself and Justice.]

Templars from the Circle joined the Wardens. I knew them, they'd always been some of the most cruel, to me and others. They said they simply wanted to help, after seeing how things had gone at Kinloch and in Amaranthine, they said they wanted to have the strength to protect their country.

I gave them the benefit of the doubt because I knew that's what you would do. You gave a wanted apostate a chance, how could I not do the same when these men claimed good intentions. People change, right?

[His smile was strained and his voice clearly bitter now that he was letting the story come out. A story he hadn't even told Hawke. His hand fell, his eyes and face back to normal.]

They took the Joining and made it through. Well, all but one.

They never left me alone. Had to 'shadow' a more experienced Warden, learn the ropes. They constantly watched me, waiting for me to slip up and, once we were alone, they let me know it too.

I tried telling the Commander, but he dismissed my concerns as paranoia and an unwillingness to trust my fellow Wardens. [He spat the words out with venom.]

It took some digging and what few friends I still had who weren't sent away from me to discover the worst part: this had been their plan all along. They couldn't take the King letting me go, so they came to find me on their own and the Commander knew and let them in anyway, knowing they were simply waiting for an excuse to kill the Melificar.

We were ambushed and fighting for our lives and I had no one at my back but the Templars and Justice came to me then, offering to protect me if I protected him in turn by giving him a host.

Nathaniel gave him the idea, I think, a willing host instead another dead body grieved by the living.

The Templars turned on me. I killed them. I ran. The Wardens betrayed me after you left. I should have known it wouldn't last.

[He gave a lopsided smirk, but it felt fake and strained and probably looked like the pathetic attempt it was.]

The worst worst part was when the Commander made me get rid of Pounce. Should have seen it coming then, bastards.

Edited 2016-09-02 20:12 (UTC)

[The blue across his face startles her. Her eyes widen, and she's silent. Almost afraid to speak. Justice is definitely in there, and she nearly got a good look at what he's become.

Maker, what happened to her friends?

Shock and anger and sadness rise and swell within her, at once and separately. Bile rises in her throat as she pictures how it all went down. Her fist clenches, to beat back the nausea and to contain her anger. Maker as her witness, she hopes that she reams this Commander a new one after this all plays out. She certainly wanted to now, to wrap her hands around his throat and shake him, demand to know why he went along with this, why he harassed and drove away one of her men.

She almost asks if she ever did anything, but she wonders if he would even know. And something more pressing needs to be asked.]

Anders, why didn't you come to me when things got so bad? I told you I would be there for any of you if need be, that you were always welcome in Denerim. Nathaniel or Oghren or any of them would have sent a message for you if you felt you couldn't.

Edited (FUCK I FORGOT A WHOLE PART I WANTED TO RESPOND TO ) 2016-09-02 23:38 (UTC)

[The bitterness dissipated in the face of her concern and his expression turned fond even as the sadness still hung around the edges.]

Do you really think I should have entrusted a letter to Oghren? I doubt he could have made it a half mile up the road before he passed out drunk, letter crumpled in his pouch.

I couldn't go anywhere against the Commanders orders, he liked to run a tight ship and Nathaniel... [The sadness grew thicker. His next closest friend after Riona, his rock in a churning ocean of change...and they'd taken that too.] I don't know where Nate is. They'd sent him away on an extended mission of some kind. They wouldn't tell me, I 'didn't need to know.' I saw him near Kirkwall a few years ago, though. He seemed good.

[But that wasn't the point. He shook his head and met her gaze again.]

Where was I to go, Riona? The Wardens were all I had, all Justice had and they didn't even trust him. I couldn't abandon him, I couldn't leave, I couldn't reach you and even if I had, what would you have done? Taken us back with you? Kept me as your courtly pet apostate and him your 'spiritual advisor' just to try and keep us safe?

[His smile returned with fondness and pride.]

No, my dear lady. You're queen and you've got far more important things to deal with.

["Oghren can surprise you" she wants to say, but she doesn't. Most don't believe in the dwarf and really, what's the point now?

Sigrun and Velanna, where were they in all this? Did they do nothing? She finds it hard to believe. Or had they also been sent with Nathaniel? There's so much she doesn't know, so much she has to guess at or rely on others to tell her. And that always seems to worsen things. Her heart grows heavier with each bit of news she gets.

Her face hardens at his last words.]

Do not tell me what is and isn't more important. My men and women are important to me. And you do not know me well if you think that I wouldn't have been there as soon as I could if I knew things were going so badly.

[It's not like she ruled alone.]

I would not have removed you. I would have removed them. Nothing like a ten year stint in the Anderfels to drive the point in. And I would have made it clear to this Commander that if he harassed one of my own again, he'd be leaving with his tail between his legs back to Weisshaupt.

For however long that would have lasted.

[He looked away, his own bitterness sounding pathetic in his ears. He didn't want to think about the what if, how things might have changed or gone better if he'd been able to reach Denerim. When he speaks again, his tone is tired, defeated. That edge had never really left since Kirkwall, it almost seemed like all he had in him these days.]

I know you would have come whether I thought it was worth it or not, if I could have reached you, but the fact remains I couldn't. So what is the point of this, Commander? Nothing can be changed now, what's done can't be undone.

You saved my life and gave Justice a purpose, you're important to us both, but we won't ask anything more of you.

[This is what she hates the most, this helplessness. He's right; there's nothing that can be done, not with how things stand. What he and Justice did is done and over with. No amount of her railing at it will change anything.

So what does she say now? Sorry? Damn you for not coming to me? How could you do such a thing? There's so much she wants to say, but none of it matters.

Save for one thing.]

Is Justice all right?

[He's silent. After a moment, quietly, he responds.]

No.

We didn't know how it would affect us, but it...went wrong. I'm not a corpse, so it worked differently and-

[He cut himself off but continued after another moment. If there was anyone who would listen to him and understand how much this had hurt both of them and not just him, it was their Commander.]

I don't dream as I should anymore, whenever I go into the fade, Justice takes full control and all I can do is watch and listen without any say. It frightened me the times it happened, so I tried to limit it. But...I do that to him every day of our lives. Every day for the last ten years, he's only been allowed to watch and listen. Except for when he forcibly takes control, but that's never good. It's...we've done horrible things when we were like that.

Because, the worst of it, is that Justice has changed. My anger and hate changed him, perhaps even my taint has helped to corrupt him. He took my pain and turned it into his new purpose, only it wasn't just me, it was for every mage everywhere. He's no longer a spirit of Justice, but one of Vengeance...and we both fear for when-if Vengeance turns to Rage.

[Justice's greatest fear and they'd accidentally visited it upon him in their mutual attempt to save each other.]

Edited 2016-09-15 14:11 (UTC)

[She sincerely hoped it would have been like with Wynne, but even she knows deep down that the situations were different. Still, she just hoped that maybe...

But no. What little optimism she had is dashed as soon as he explains. It drains from her face, her eyes going wide as she grows increasingly horrified over what she hears. What they've done, she won't ask about; she doesn't want to know. It shames her to admit it, but this is already too much.

She managed to keep her composure... until the end. As soon as he says "changed", her heart lurches. For spirits - and especially after her talks with Cole - she knows what that means.]

No.

[The word slips out, and she slaps a hand over her mouth. Maker, no. Don't let it be true.]

He's a demon.

[The one thing he feared, and it came true. All because he wanted to help. Tears come, but she's not sure if they're from grief or anger, because she's feeling a lot of both right now and isn't sure where to go with it.]

[He flinches and blue cracks spread from his eyes and down his face.]

No.

[It's not just his voice anymore and he shuts his eyes just after the turn blue, the light swirling in them with the power of the Fade itself. Calm. Calm. She wasn't calling- she's their friend. Likely the only one both of them have.]

Not-not yet. But, if the anger grows any stronger. Every slight is Unjust and every Injustice can lead to an act of Vengeance and every one of those is another step towards Rage.

[It hadn't even made sense to him like that until Cole had spelled out the progression for him. He and Justice had once talked about demons and where they came from, but neither of them knew. Now they do: they come from Spirits, ones too corrupted from their original intent to carry on as they had. If only they'd known.]

Edited 2016-09-23 03:41 (UTC)

[It's him. Filtered through Anders, but it's him. And she hates that hearing his voice frightens her a little. She swallows her fear as a few tears escape. Stubbornly she wipes them away. She is their commander; she will not let herself be too weak in front of them.]

His greatest fear... and it's happening to him. [As far as she knows, there's nothing that can be done. It may warrant a discussion with Cole to see if there's a possibility of it being otherwise, but she fears she already knows the answer.]

...Justice, Anders. Forgive me. I failed you both.

[There's pain and sympathy in the warm brown of Anders' own eyes and he wishes he'd just come to her in person now so that maybe he could help, but there was nothing to be done now.]

Commander...Riona, there's nothing to forgive. This was our choice, misguided as it may have been.

Please don't blame yourself.

[A humorless smile cracks his lips.]

In fact, we should be apologizing to you. I know how disappointed you must feel.

Edited 2016-09-28 04:33 (UTC)

I'm not disappointed.

[Not with them. They did what they thought was best at the time. She can't hold that against them.]

You're my men. As commander, I should have been there to look out for you and protect you.

[He shook his head. They would forever disagree on that, one of them seeing a ledge while the other saw another path and both regretted it.

But that was hardly all they'd done.]

I meant for the Chantry. Kirkwall.

...ah.

[That's a little trickier. She's not sure if "disappointed" is the word she'd use.]

More heartbroken than anything. Maybe a little angry and upset. And... well, worried. Very worried.

[Once upon a time, neither of them would have done such a thing. It scares her that they both reached such a state of mind that they thought that mass murder would solve anything.]

[He nodded. What else could he say to that? 'I'm sorry' felt hollow, especially when the way he meant it and the way she'd likely take it would probably be different.]

We'll try not to worry you any further. I'll...would you like me to come to you if things suddenly get..harder? Worse.

[He understood if not, but considering she was quite literally the only one on the ship who cared for them both, perhaps she'd rather be the first to try and handle Justice in his anger. She was perhaps even better suited than Hawke, depending on the situation.]

Yes, please do. [She'd much rather be the one to try and talk them down. No one else knew Justice like they did.] I'll do the best I can.

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Video + Action | So a mage and a Spirit wake up in the same body...

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