Video + Action | So a mage and a Spirit wake up in the same body...

[apurrstate]

Who: Anders + you
Broadcast: Yes
Action: Málum
When: 8/10, the day after this post

//Video//
[When the video clicks on, it's to show Anders in the Three Twins med bay, this time awake and clearly a lot more awkward about adressing the network than he'd been a week back. On top of that, he's ten years older than he was a week back, although for all his gauntness and heavily apparent exhaustion, he might as well look an extra thirty years older.

Time has not been kind to the man who once shined his charisma and humor on the fleet.]

Hello. Sorry, apparently I've been in one of those comas that happen here, although mine was one of those that came new memories. So, if we had an appointment of any kind, I'd appreciate the reminder I'm...still a little scattered on...well, everything. It's been a while, but also hasn't. [It was an attempt at humor, but his tone falls flat and the smile that hesitantly tries to stretch his lips doesn't seem to know if it even belongs there and dies quickly.]

For those on the Three Twins, I apologize for being unavailable. The clinic will be up and running as it should be, erm, well, tomorrow. Tonight, I'll be at the Málum. [Maker how he wished it could be getting drunk instead of simply appeasing Adalwolfe's overprotective concern.]

Sorry to anyone who I might have caused concern.

[He clicks off the transmission with another awkward half-smile and then sets about contacting those he needed to the way Adalwolfe had shown him.]

//Private to Fenris and Marian//
[Can he get away with not talking to them? Probably not. Which is why he contacts them with voice only, not quite willing to look either of them in the eye when his memories, thoughts and emotions were still so jumbled and confusing.]

I remember Kirkwall. [And the hole in the sky, but that was far less important when it came to them.]

//Action-Málum//

He'd told Hawke he'd follow him as soon as he'd sorted some things at the clinic. Well, now those were sorted and he'd come as promised to the bar his boyfriend worked at. He certainly didn't mind being close to his fellow mage while he worked, in fact he took some solace in Adalwolfe's nearness, he just wasn't sure he wanted to be out in public just yet either. How long had it been since he'd even been in a crowded place? Three years? They'd been on the run for so long, if it weren't for their village they'd adopted, he'd almost be afraid he'd completely forgotten how to talk to other people.

Anyone who might happen upon him or come looking for him in the bar would find him sitting at the counter, something strong he wasn't drinking and food he wasn't touching placed in front of him. His eyes occasionally darted up to follow Hawke with clear affection and adoration in them, but they'd inevitably fall back to the bar's surface as though attempting to memorize the patterns in the grain there.

He so wished he could call Justice up just to tell him to sod off for one night. Maker damn him, he just wanted to get drunk one last time. The things you don't appreciate when you're younger and not hosting a spirit who chases all the alcohol from your system before it can even settle in.

There were a lot of things he didn't appreciate ten years ago.

Only a week ago.

He sighed. Even without the booze, his head was swimming.

Comments

video

[bryces_pup]

Well there you are.

[Riona smiles, though there's an edge of worry in the lines around her face. He really doesn't look well, and that would be enough to fret about all on its own.

But then he says he has come back with new memories and her heart sinks. She remembers what he said, about not liking who he was going to become. And now here he is, older and haggard. The humor seems to have been drained from him as well, replaced with exhaustion.

On top of all of that, she may know the truth about the Chantry explosion. If it's him who's at fault... she's not sure what she'll do.]

Hopefully no one drew on your face.

video

[apurrstate]

Here I am.

[His smile twitches. For one second he's overjoyed to see her, feeling the decade-long gap in his heart where she'd been, but in the next he's sobered and the smile is much more muted. He wasn't the man she remembered. Just when he'd gotten her back, he'd gone and lost himself instead.

He almost felt he should apologize now, warn her of how he'd failed her.

Something stirred in him, a force that said she'd understand, she'd have to understand, she fought for justice as much as he did, but another part of him felt the sinking dread of what if?

What if she rightfully turned from him? How selfish was he that he knew what she should do and longed for the opposite?]

No, in fact, it seems my face was fairly well cared for in my sleep.

I'm sorry to have left you waiting. You didn't throw any parties without me, did you? [An attempt to be the person she was expecting...it sounded hollow in his own head.]

video

[bryces_pup]

It's never a party without you. But I am glad to see you escaped face art.

[She looks to the side, brow creased somewhat. It's easy enough to keep joking on like this, but she's worried. He really doesn't look well. And there are... other questions, but Maker she's too afraid to ask.]

You should get a meal or five in you. I think I've seen staves that looked meatier than you do now.

video

[apurrstate]

[He can see her concern and her hesitation and he wants nothing more than to find that perfect joke to make it melt away with a laugh. Unfortunately, his mind is blank when it came to perfect jokes, these days.]

You might be right, one of those huge oak things that some mages like to carry, or Knight-Enchanters.

You don't need to worry about me, Commander, I'll eat something. My diet has simply been...sparing in recent years.

video --> private

[bryces_pup]

[The conversation teeters on the edge of the inevitable, of what truly needs to be said. And as much as a part of her wants to avoid it, she knows she can't forever.

Her eyes close a moment, steeling herself for whatever lies ahead.]

We're past the point of not worrying. About many things.

[She considers trying to bring the subject up delicately - but no. This isn't court. And she's stewed over this for long enough.]

The incident in Kirkwall with the Chantry... that was you, wasn't it?

[In goes the knife.]

private.

[ofkirkwall]

[ Anders remembers Kirkwall. He remembers.

First she feels sick, then relieved, then not. Relief gives way to buried hurt, anger, all the little things she pushed down as far as she could bubbles back to the surface. Things never settled because she ran from them, she ran from him. She runs from a lot of things, doesn't she? ]

Anders.

[ I kinda want to punch you. No, that isn't quite right. Maker's balls, how she is supposed to respond to this? Congrats on remembering how you blew up a Chantry? How's your angry spirit friend doing? Wanna get drinks later? She has no bloody idea. ]

I wouldn't be the Hawke you remember, would I?

[ Better to learn that now get disappointed later. ]

private.

[apurrstate]

[His expression is nothing but sympathy. He'd known, before passing out, that if he ever came back with new memories, he'd likely be dissapointing one of his two Hawkes, if not both. He was hardly sad about waking up to find his love here with him, but that hardly meant he wanted to make this Hawke sad in return.

She wasn't the man he loved, but she also was. She was still Hawke.]

I'm sorry. I wish I could say you were. I doubt there's anything I could say to make that easier, but you're still my friend. [For his part, at least, but he bites back the urge to put a caveat on it.

He gives a small smile.]

You Hawkes still have a chord of similarity between you; you're an amazing woman.

private.

[ofkirkwall]

[ Truthfully his response doesn't surprise her, in a way she was expecting it and already braced herself. Stings a little, yeah, but the blow doesn't hit quite as hard. She lets out the breath she was holding, a slow release of defeat almost.

What a lucky bastard Wolfe is, having someone who remembers his version of events. It makes her jealous. ]

Don't be. [ Thinks to joke there, say something about her horrible luck or whatever but it falls in the face his words, in the face of 'but you're still my friend.'

Ass.

For her part she manages to laugh, though it sounds a little forced. ]

Aren't I just? Not nearly enough people acknowledge it.

private.

[apurrstate]

That's truly a shame.

[He gives her a half smile.]

You don't need to play that game with me, Marian. I might not be your Anders, but I am still him, and I know how to play that one as well as you.

[Laugh, joke, smile, so no one looks deeper, asks more, questions. If you smile, they'll smile and forget that brief moment your mask broke and something else came through.

It might have been a while since he played her same tune, jokes and jibes, but he still knew how and how to see through it.

He wanted to see more. Anger, sadness, betrayal, anything but the fake smiles and attempts to side-step real emotion.]

Private - voice

[wolfuncaged]

[And here he is. Wonderful. Fenris still hasn't been able to really process all of this. The idea of Anders in his head is someone far different than the man who has been on the Fleet. The awareness that a large part of what made Anders the insufferable and dangerous person he was back home i largely due to Justice doesn't sit well with him.

As such. he deals with this with much more caution than he would before. He still doesn't like Anders, nowhere near. But he's come to understand the man a little more. He kind of hates that.]

Adalwolfe mentioned your ageing. I thought that would be the case. He also said that Vengeance is has come back with you.

[He uses the demon name instead of the spirit name on purpose. As much as he heavily distrusts spirits, he knows what is inside Anders is absolutely an irrevocably a demon at this point. A demon which is exceptionally dangerous. ]

Private - voice

[apurrstate]

[It's a gut-reaction, the way his finger hovers over the button to hang up. Hang up. End this now. Don't talk to him. When was the last time he'd even had a civil conversation with Fenris? Six years ago? Those last few years, every word had seemed barbed, when there'd been any at all.

And then Fenris had tried to kill Adalwolfe and Anders couldn't let it happen.

He hadn't wanted Fenris dead, as much as it hadn't seemed that way. Adalwolfe cared about Fenris, so Anders would protect him if he had to, no matter how opposed they were. He'd seen the way the elf's death had lay heavy in Hawke's heart for years after. And now his own memories lay there in his mind, old and new all at once, of a night when he'd wandered onto The Tourist by accident.

He pulled his hand away and held it clenched to the side of the communicator.]

He has. He's quiet, has been for years now, but he is still with me.

Private - voice

[wolfuncaged]

Quiet or not, that is not a good thing.

[The opposite of that. It's been years since he's conversed with Anders like this. Like he remembered him from home. He's not quite sure how to do it any more. The old animosity is still there, he's sure it always will be. But the posts have changed somewhat. This isn't the same old game any more.

As such, the usual venom is out of his voice. He's tense, true, but he doesn't sound like he's about to punch Anders' face in, either. ]

Adalwolfe spoke of finding a way to remove it entirely.

Private - voice

[apurrstate]

'Good thing' or not, it was inevitable.

[He parrots Fenris' words back, unable to say anything else in his friend's defense. Especially when Fenris wasn't even necessarily wrong. The plight of mages was far away and out of anyone's hands here, but Justice was still a universal concept, how long would it take for his friend to find something else to rail against?

And should a templar be pulled to the Fleet next? Would he be able to control Justice well enough for the spirit to not rip a hole in the ship's hull trying to fight said Templar? He couldn't promise. But Justice was still his friend, someone he had to try and protect.

Which is why what Fenris says next is like a punch in the gut.]

...he said...what?

Málum

[killedwithlove]

[Cole appears without announcing he was going to do so and with a small collection of fluff slugs now living on his hat, a couple hanging over the front edge of the brim and waving their feelers about.

He wants to help Anders, of course, but he wants to see Vengeance as well. He hasn't been near another non-demon spirit in a long time, not one complicated enough that he could interact with it.

He appears on a seat one along from them, perching with his feet on the seat and chin on his knees.]

[apurrstate]

[He almost doesn't notice Cole, as quiet as he is, but there's a prickle on the back of his neck and the briefest crack of blue around his eyes as his head pounds in a familiar and jarring way and then it all faded away just as quickly. Justice didn't miss the other spirit's arrival.]

Cole.

[Anders musters a thin smile to direct to the spirit and it widens a bit at the sight of the slugs.]

What lovely friends you have with you.

[There's a sense of caution, wariness he knows isn't his own. He remembers Cole and even feels more at ease now that he feels he knows a bit more about spirits and even what Cole had said. But memories or not, it felt almost as though Justice was holding Anders' breath, waiting to see what Cole might say or do now that things were Different.]

[killedwithlove]

Hello, Anders.

[It takes him a moment to really look and see the spirit, the read the surface and nature and use the right name, but sadly, the name was the one he had thought it would be.]

Hello, Vengeance. I can use Justice if you like that better.

[His own nature is as on display as ever. The presence of the slugs and the month on such an open, sharing world has his spirit side virtually thrumming.]

I can't help, I'm sorry. But I understand. I do.

[apurrstate]

[There's a pang, like the beginning of a headache and Anders reaches up to rub at his temple. But it soothes as Anders takes in the feeling Cole practically radiates.]

I think that last option might be better.

[It's a confusing mixture in his head, Justice resurfacing, drawn by Cole's presence. He wasn't used to it happening slowly, born of the spirit's curiosity more than the rush of anger.]

I haven't felt Justice's presence so strongly in years. You have a strange affect on him. On us both.

[While Justice was stirring, as if finally waking back up, Anders himself felt more at ease despite the turmoil his mixed up memories had been causing him before Cole arrived.]

Action

[wolfehawke]

"If you don't eat that, the spirit who makes the fruit tarts is going to be upset with you," Adalwolfe scolds his melancholy apostate with a hint of humor. He's not sure Dezel cares if Anders eats his cooking or not, but the mage needs to eat something regardless. He's a fan of sweet things and so Hawke thought a dessert would suit him, but apparently it does nothing to pique Anders' appetite.

His expression turns gentle and he nudges the plate closer to Anders. "Please, for me. I can't have you wasting away when I've just gotten you back."

It's not that he doesn't know what's bothering Anders. He's seen him like this before, after Kirkwall. It's a struggle, finding a place again when everything's changed. Adalwolfe has a knack for assimilating even if things weigh on him, but somehow Anders doesn't despite his also being a practiced apostate. You blend in or you get caught. Maybe that, too, is something Vengeance prevents Anders from doing. Hard to find your footing when there are two sets of thoughts guiding your feet.

"Talk to me, Heart. I can't read your mind."

Action

[apurrstate]

Anders was okay simply being near Hawke as he worked, even if the other mage didn't always have time to stop and talk with him. Just being able to look up and see his champion brought a warmth to his heart and grounded him while he sorted through his thoughts.

Adalwofle's voice draws him from his thoughts just the same and Anders gives a small, slightly guilty smile, in response. "I'm sorry, love. I was thinking, that's all." As if to prove it, he cut a small piece off the tart and stuck it in his mouth.

It was surprisingly good. "You said a spirit made this? I didn't realize spirits could cook." Something lighter to focus on than worrying his love with any of the things on his mind.

Action

[wolfehawke]

"This one does. Quite well, in fact. Actually I rather like him, though unfortunately I can't actually see him." He shrugs as if it's no big deal and keeps looking at Anders expectantly so he doesn't stop eating.

Anders being while he works is probably hardly interesting for the spirit healer, Hawke thinks, but it does wonders for Adalwolfe. Having Anders near is a balm to him after so long alone. He still worries he'll wake up, that he's any number of places in his life in actuality. Still in Kirkwall, still in Skyhold, in Adamant, in the Fade. That this could all be some Fade hallucination because it was really him that was left behind, not Alistair, hits him so harshly that Hawke reaches out and pulls Anders' hand into his own, needing that physical touch at least for a moment to ground himself.

"His name is Dezel, he's a wind spirit from another world where they have spirits for things like that."

Action

[apurrstate]

His expression twisted in confusion, but he didn't ask why Hawke couldn't see this spirit. Maybe spirits were just different where this Dezel came from. "How interesting. Hopefully I'll get a chance to talk to him some time. For now, I suppose I ought not offend him." The corner of Anders' mouth twitched up and he took another, larger, bite of the tart.

A beat later, however, and his face lit up. "I nearly forgot, I have something for you. Hold out your hand." Anders' smile widened and hope danced in his eyes as he dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out something still obscured in his fingers; a silver chain hung from his fingers as the only hint of the gift.

As soon as Hawke's hand lay open and waiting, Anders pressed the necklace into Adalwolfe's hand. "I hope you like it."

action;

[sylphystia]

[There's another spirit around here, though it isn't the kind that comes from the Fade. He gives Anders some space, though his looks at Hawke don't go unnoticed. Eventually, he decides to see what's up with the food.]

There's nothing wrong with the food. It won't hurt you.

[He's not sure Anders can see or hear him, but this is a good test. He has a backup plan if he can't.]

action;

[apurrstate]

[Anders jolts a little, surprised by the voice, and turns to face the man- no, something hummed at the back of his mind, this wasn't a man. One of the mage's brows lifts in curiosity.]

I'm sure it's fine.

Hawke mentioned a spirit that made tarts, would that be you?

action;

[sylphystia]

[So Anders can see him. Things just got a little more interesting.]

I make all the food. Not just tarts. [Gelato, chocolate cake in little chocolate cups with little espresso chocolate straws... whatever Crowley finds amusing, really. But he doesn't deny the spirit part.]

Are you from his world?

action;

[apurrstate]

[His lips twitch into an almost-smile. Was that a hint of pride or was it his imagination?]

I am.

I didn't realize spirits could make food. Is that normal in your world, or is it just you?