driftfleet | (no subject)

Makes sense.

[breathes out a sigh]

You really scared me, you know?

... Sorry.

But... I don't think I was hallucinating when you showed up to save me. How did you know...?

Is that really what matters right now? Like, seriously?

... I guess not. I'm just curious...

[not like i can do anything else]

Yeah, well, I'm curious as to why I found you alone, bleeding and half dead, about to be eaten by a fucking dragon. Can we start with that?

I-

[She cringes, like a child being scolded. But she breathes, and focuses. She's more than that now. She's moving on. She doesn't have to be scared of Opal, or how she'll react.]

I didn't think there would be a fight. That's... I thought, if it's Sorey and Mikleo, I can talk to them. They're my friends. I thought... They wouldn't want to hurt me, so we could talk... And if it looked like it was going to be violent, they're still people. I could just cold-cock them with sleep spells.

... I was arrogant.

It's not that you were arrogant, it's - once it got dangerous, why didn't you leave? Even just to get help?

I didn't think I could. If I had shown my back, I would have been dead.

[She lets out a slow breath. That was true, but that wasn't really why. And Natalie deserves to know.]

... And... I didn't want to run away again. I don't ever want to be the person who ran away and left my friends behind... Not after what I did to Takshaka.

If I didn't come when I did, he would have killed you. You get that, right? If there didn't happen to be a shuttle close by you would have bled to death.

[She gets it, and it terrifies her.]

I had a plan. I had called Allen for backup... I was just stalling so they wouldn't run away before he got there.

Stalling? Is that what you call what was happening?

Until the end, yes! It didn't last forever, but it worked for a while, and what else was I supposed to do?!

God, I don't know, not be reckless and almost get yourself killed?

How am I supposed to leave that?! Didn't you see what happened to him?!

Yeah, I did, which is why it's obvious that talking or stalling or whatever wasn't going to do anything! There had to have been people who could help restrain them or something other than that!

I couldn't leave it, because what happened to him is the same thing Nyssa did to you!

[There's tears in her eyes as she manages to choke that out with a hoarse voice.

... She's a bit too doped up to realize the other problems with what she just said, though. Those can wait. This is more important.]

[she looks shocked for a moment, reminded of something she still feels sick thinking about. she takes a breath.]

...Do you know how much I would have hated myself if I had hurt somebody as badly as he hurt you?

I know. That's exactly why I wanted to stop them. Before they did worse.

... I already know I failed.

I don't care about you failing or whatever, I...

You should have been thinking about more than just them.

Edited 2016-09-13 02:57 (UTC)

... I know. But I... I can't leave someone I care about like that. I had to do something.

No, you didn't have to, that's the entire point! You could have waited long enough to have a better plan, you could have kept yourself safe so I wouldn't have to come across you and think—

[pushes a hand through her hair, stressed]

I thought you were dead when I first saw you, you know. And when we were going back to the Fleet, I kept thinking I'm not going to be fast enough, she's going to d-die.

[her voice cracks.]

[... and just like that, her heart breaks. What is she supposed to do? If she were to leave it alone, because she couldn't do anything-

Do what you want. I'm staying here.

No. She can't ever be that person again. She has to try to help those she can help, those that she cares about. And she thought... She truly thought she could do it. And when she did, she could be proud- She'd have the power to save her friends. If Nyssa were to control Opal again, then... Then Nightingale could fix it. She could save her.

But she couldn't, she didn't have the power, she failed. She got beaten horribly. She almost died. Opal isn't a fighter, so Nightingale wants the power to protect her, but was protected by her instead. And now, she's upset, and crying, and that's unacceptable. She never wants to hurt Opal like this. But... What can she possibly do?

(Dimly, she recalls having nearly this exact conversation with Bluebird. That time, she was on the other side, arguing much like Opal is now. She knows how much of a hypocrite she's being.)

She wants to just pull Opal close and hug her tightly, but... she can't. She can't move her arms, which is kind of Opal's point, isn't it? She ran in with a half-assed plan, and hurt this much for it.

... If she can't move her arms, she'll try the next best thing, and a warm breeze suddenly flits around Opal, pressing against her shoulders- The closest she can do to holding her like this.]

I'm sorry.

[What else can she say to that?]

[she feels it, and she swallows.]

I don't want an apology. I want you to promise me you aren't going to do something like this again - not alone.

[... She remembers this part from that talk with Bluebird, too. The big fight they had, because Bluebird had promised, then broken that promise. If Nightingale promises... She doesn't want to do that to Natalie. Can she promise if she's not sure she can go through with it?

But... She shouldn't try to go alone. Natalie's right. She always had a party, a team, people to fall back on and help her when she's not enough alone. She's beating herself up for not being strong enough to do this solo- To do it like her parents would- But she doesn't want to be anything like them. She should rely on her friends.]

... I... I promise.

[She's going to do her best to keep this promise, at least, and whatever happens, happens.]

[she takes a deep breath, rubs at her face. she seems a little bit calmer, even if she's still upset.]

...Okay. Thank you.