perks and rec: the video experience

[stopbleeding]

Who: Chopper and Zoro
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: UH accendo probably
When: 2/28

[Woah, hi Drift Fleet, it’s the Chopper and Zoro show. Meaning, hi, it’s Chopper sitting on Zoro’s shoulder. They’re on some moon somewhere, who cares. That’s not the point. The point is:]

Oi. This is a public servant announcement.

Service, service! You mean service, Zoro.

Huh? Oh. Yeah. Right. Anyway, listen up! Chopper and I have been testing something out. Chopper, tell them.

Huh? Me? [He looks briefly caught off guard with that before clinging to Zoro’s face in a way that lets him lean forward a bit more.] We found out that you can run faster if you don’t wear any underwear!

[Zoro nods (after extracting Chopper off his face).] Yeah. We did tests. I ran faster without it.

By half a second!

It’s a big improvement. [it’s really not.]

Now everyone can run faster, too! Just forget about your underwear and the half seconds will add up! This could save lives!!

[Zoro nods solemnly, then goes to turn off the feed before remembering something.]

Oh. Right. Old man, Shitty Sculptor. Other people. I’m leaving the ship. And everyone else-[He points at the screen for a long moment, tension rising. Then he points to Chopper.]-he’s a reindeer.

[DON’T FORGET IT, ASSHOLES. Chopper smiles and nods, waving at the screen. Bye, nerds. Peace out.]

ooc: Green is Zoro, pink is Choppa

Comments

[stopbleeding]

He's an idiot. It doesn't matter.

[He waves dismissively, crossing his arms.] Your arms, huh? I still need those. Feet would probably get in the way too, right? Already tried to get rid of those.

[Damn, he's out of luck.]

[ino]

Uh-huh.

Well, it's what's in the front that matters. You don't have to get rid of them, but if you run with them behind you -- [ She demonstrates with one of her own arms ] -- then it makes the surface area in the front smaller so there's less of you going against the wind.

[stopbleeding]

[Tentatively, he tries it and frowns.]

It feels unnatural. Do you run like this?

[ino]

[ Yes. It looks so dumb. ]

It's only unnatural because you've never done it before. And yes, I do.

[stopbleeding]

Or it's unnatural because it's a weird way to run. [He puts the comm down and stretches his arms, then rolls them back. Jogs a little in place with them behind him and stops almost immediately.] I even feel stupid.

[ino]

[ A shrug. ]

It works for an entire world full of shinobi, so.

[stopbleeding]

Am I supposed to know what a shinobi is?

[ino]

A ninja. [ A pause, because maybe he doesn't know what that is either. ] A type of warrior.

[stopbleeding]

A warrior?

[Interest: piqued. His eyes alight with hunger.] What do you use?

[say swords.]

[ino]

[ Oh, NOW he wants to be buddies. ]

As a weapon? Mostly kunai, but I know how to use a variety of things.

[stopbleeding]

[Buddies?? No, no. No, no. He wants to fight you, Ino. Or, well. Did. He seems less excited now.]

Kunai, huh?

[his disappointment is tangible.] And what's the rest?

[ino]

[ That is what we would call buddies in shonen land. Or at least, Ino's met too many people who enjoy sparring to think it's not a friendly gesture. ]

Let's see ...

[ She counts them off on her fingers. Leaving out the jutsu, since it's technically not a weapon, it's an ability. ]

Tanto, shuriken, longsword, rapier, staff, handgun ... hmm, that's about it, I think.

[stopbleeding]

[HE SEES TWO SWORDS IN THAT LIST. Oho, the grin is back.]

Longsword and rapier, huh? [He nods towards the comm.] How good are you at 'em?

[ino]

I wouldn't call myself a master, but I know enough to keep up.

[stopbleeding]

Huh. [Not ideal, but good enough.]

You wanna fight?

[ino]

It's not like I have one of those things lying around ...

[stopbleeding]

You've got brooms, don't you? Those'll do.

[ino]

[ ... she can't help but snicker a little. Brooms? This guy must really be itchy for a fight ... ]

Where at?

[stopbleeding]

The S.S. Carbine. [That's not the name, Zoro.] It's my friend's ship. I'll get the brooms.

[ino]

Carbine? That's ... not one of the ships. [ Is it? ]

[stopbleeding]

[He snorts.]

Sure, it is. Ask Chopper. He's the captain.

[ino]

[ ... She has to look back to the last shuffle. ]

Caprine. It's the S.S. Caprine.

[stopbleeding]

That's what I said. You gonna be this nitpicky when we fight?

[ino]

I dunno, are you gonna hit yourself over the head with your broom?