perks and rec: the video experience

[stopbleeding]

Who: Chopper and Zoro
Broadcast: fleetwide
Action: UH accendo probably
When: 2/28

[Woah, hi Drift Fleet, it’s the Chopper and Zoro show. Meaning, hi, it’s Chopper sitting on Zoro’s shoulder. They’re on some moon somewhere, who cares. That’s not the point. The point is:]

Oi. This is a public servant announcement.

Service, service! You mean service, Zoro.

Huh? Oh. Yeah. Right. Anyway, listen up! Chopper and I have been testing something out. Chopper, tell them.

Huh? Me? [He looks briefly caught off guard with that before clinging to Zoro’s face in a way that lets him lean forward a bit more.] We found out that you can run faster if you don’t wear any underwear!

[Zoro nods (after extracting Chopper off his face).] Yeah. We did tests. I ran faster without it.

By half a second!

It’s a big improvement. [it’s really not.]

Now everyone can run faster, too! Just forget about your underwear and the half seconds will add up! This could save lives!!

[Zoro nods solemnly, then goes to turn off the feed before remembering something.]

Oh. Right. Old man, Shitty Sculptor. Other people. I’m leaving the ship. And everyone else-[He points at the screen for a long moment, tension rising. Then he points to Chopper.]-he’s a reindeer.

[DON’T FORGET IT, ASSHOLES. Chopper smiles and nods, waving at the screen. Bye, nerds. Peace out.]

ooc: Green is Zoro, pink is Choppa

Comments

Video

[save_the_souls]

[This...has to be the stupidest network post he's ever watched. What even- he can't even bring himself to address the whole bit about the underwear. HE IS TOO VICTORIAN FOR THIS EXPERIMENT]

[So instead he'll address the second part. Old man? Really? Okay, it was better than being called kid, BUT-!!!]

My name is Allen.

But I'm glad you found a friend of yours, Zoro. Are you going to his ship? [And not you know, going to try to live on the moon?]

[stopbleeding]

[It's valid research.]

Yeah, probably. Not sure if that's against some weird space code or whatever. I'll probably need to find out. [So he doesn't shame his name!! It's very important. Manly things, you wouldn't know, Allen.]

You'll be alright without me. Even if you aren't licensed. [Oh. Wait. He turns to Chopper.] Can you help him with that?

[tsundeere]

Hmm, he's not licensed?

[It's hard to tell what Chopper's blank stare really means, but it could be silently judging. It could. He's smiling anyway, tapping his cheek with his free hoof.]

I can't get him a license, but I could give him some tips! Are you training to be a doctor, Allen?

[save_the_souls]

It's not, don't worry. You just have to fill out a ship transfer form. It'd go through the next time there's a Shuffle.

[But oh, they're talking about his medical skills. He wrings his hands and turns to look at the...reindeer? Which yeah, not surprised he can't license him.]

Ah- yes, Dr. Chopper. I'm still a student, or...was a student in the last place I was at. But then when I got brought here, they just...assigned me to the medical lab on my own.

[stopbleeding]

[Zoro nods.] Alright, I'll do that then. [Can you even read the form, Zoro.

Anyway, he's contemplating Allen's story.] A student, huh?

[He glances to Chopper again.] If they gave him his own lab does that mean he's good?

Video

[alwayscomeback]

Sokka. Soh-ka.

[Wow, they really are sucking at keeping the newbies aboard the Blue Fish right now. ]

So long as you're safe, right?

...And thanks for that fascinating lesson in underwear. No. Really.

Video

[tsundeere]

Wow, Zoro! You made more than one friend!

Hi, Sokka! I remember you. I didn't know you had met Zoro! Was he nice?

[alwayscomeback]

He tried to destroy the sculpture I made of my girlfriend.

But I guess he was less of a jerk than the last guy, so.

How're you doing, Little Reindeer?

[tsundeere]

[He remembered he was a reindeer! Nevermind that it was mentioned in this very post.]

My name is Chopper! [In case he forgot that, too.] Zoro is a nice guy, really! He can be a little rough, but if you get past that, he's got a really kind heart!

Is your sculpture okay?

[alwayscomeback]

Yeah, I remember. Thanks. And I'm sure he's the bestest best best guy ever. [Such sarcasm. ]

Yeah, it's fine. I managed to save it.

[stopbleeding]

That's what I said. Shitty sculptor. [HEH. he's an asshole.]

You're welcome, by the way. It's important information. He's not wrong in that it could save your skin.

[alwayscomeback]

Ha ha. You're a riot.

I'm pretty sure it won't. Like, ever.

[stopbleeding]

Only if you're too slow for it to matter. You should work on that.

[alwayscomeback]

I'm plenty fast!!!! [Squeaky, undignified yelping!]

Video

[goldenglasses]

[What. Seriously?]

Have you tried running around naked yet? If underwear slowed you down, I wonder how much the rest of your clothes slow you down.

[Said oh, so, deadpanned. He probably shouldn't as he gets a good feeling these two might actually try it. But at least they're not on HIS ship.]

And have you tried it on different planets? Maybe the gravity makes a difference!

[Then he mutters to himself, but if they listen carefully they should be able to hear it.]

How do you time it as close to a half a second anyway?

[stopbleeding]

You're right. I hadn't thought...

[LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE. He turns to Chopper.]

Oi, Chopper. Move a bit. I need to take this off.

[don't do it on camera zoro]

[tsundeere]

Huh? Huh?

[He's looking between Vash on the screen and Zoro, and slowly panic builds to his face. Desperately, he clings to Zoro's face.]

AhhHHH WAIT! WAIT! ISN'T THAT GOING TOO FAR?! There are cameras everywhere, Zoro!

[goldenglasses]

AHHHHHHHH! NOT IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA YOU IDIOT! THERE COULD BE PEOPLE WATCHING!!

PEOPLE LIKE ME!

[You hear that thunk? That would be the sound of Vash whipping his communicator across the room and banging into a wall. Give him a minute or two and he'll be back to poke at it.]

Is it... is it safe to look?

la..te..... oops ... video

[ino]

[ Stares at the screen. This is probably the weirdest post she's seen, and that's saying something ]

You do realize that your underwear weighs almost nothing compared to the rest of your clothing, right?

never late

[stopbleeding]

Weighs enough to make a difference. But that's a good point. Another guy mentioned it too. I haven't tried racing naked yet.

<3

[ino]

Well, if you want what weighs enough to make a difference, the hair on your head and your body create wind resistance too.

[ Ino what are you doing ]

Re: <3

[stopbleeding]

[ino do you have something against his grass mullet]

If that's the case why haven't you done it?

[tsundeere]

It must weigh enough to make a difference of half a second!

Either that, or it's just the mindset...

[ino]

Unless your underwear is made of lead, it's probably more of the latter.

[tsundeere]

B-but it doesn't matter, as long as we're faster because of it!

Actually, I'm the same, since I don't wear any normally...