( #003 )

[brainiest]

Who: Hermione Granger and you!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: On the Vanquish
When: 30/11 onwards

I think it might be time for me to ask for a little bit of advice.

I've been here a while, now, and I'm normally very good at not missing people. I used to give people tips on how to feel better about it, and it used to work for me, too, back when I was in the Drabwurld and there was a war to focus on. I would go and look in the library, but I can't imagine there's much of a help section there - dreadful, honestly - so.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to cheer yourself up, I'd be glad to hear it.

(Also: I have potions for all the ships on the fleet, now. If you'd like a set for your Lab, please let me know and I can bring them over!)

Comments

[wolfehawke]

[He looks mock-affronted at his insinuation that he'd fall asleep in the middle of her baring her soul, then lets himself be tugged up to the bed to promptly throw an arm around her shoulders so she can nestle into his side. For being innately talented with ice and cold, he certainly radiates body heat.]

Ah. Yeah, that's difficult to deal with. But there's nothing that says you'll never see her again, I think that's being maybe a bit hyperbolic.

[He takes one of the chocolates for himself, one of the pink pixelated cubes, and pops it in his mouth.]

[brainiest]

[ It's impossible for Hermione not to shift and settle herself against Hawke, closing her eyes and breathing out for a moment. It reminds her of settling down with Dorian or John, the warm comfort of family and friendship that makes some of the sadness melt away from her before she's even started. He has no idea how something as simple as his companionship can heal her. ]

When I leave here I'll end up going back to the Drabwurld, hopefully, and if not then my own world. She doesn't exist in my world, and she's already left the Drabwurld. It feels a little impossible.

[wolfehawke]

[He does, a little. Adalwolfe thrives on companionship and approval. He's not happy unless he's got a wide circle of friends, all ready to get up to wacky hijinks or lay around and do nothing. He craves the approval that comes with having friends; people who choose to be family. He needs to be needed, to have his place in the world validated by those who actually demonstrate they want him around.]

I don't think it's impossible. I mean, we were pulled here and you were dragged to Drabwurld in the first place. It's clearly magic, too. So what's stopping an enterprising mage like yourself from figuring out the spell? I'll even help, if you'd like. I'm not much a fan of space, but now that I've found another little sister it's not as if I'm about to let you away so easily even if we do find ways back to our homes. Traversing universes can't be all that hard if more than one nefarious body from separate realities can do it.

[Which is a very glib way to approach the topic but there's a sort of logic to it.]

[brainiest]

[ The worlds settle down in Hermione's mind and she breathes out for a moment, quiet and thoughtful. She lets herself think and wonder and she gives herself the time to wrap her mind around it all, the different worlds and the magic and her part in it, the knowledge of little sister and the ache it brings to her head, the way she wants to reach out and take his hand and not let go for fear of losing him. ]

It was my Shard. That's what brought me to the Drabwurld - it was part of a great big gem that was broken, and each little Shard went out and made it's own little world, and people in those worlds were born with a part of it inside them. There was a chance, when we freed a lot of gems and made a wish, to go home - and my friend, Remus, he did go home. He had a son and a wife and family to go back to, but I chose to stay in the Drabwurld. I couldn't go back, not... Not as I was.

[ Scarred and different and changed. Hermione thinks a lot on the person she had been when she first woke up in the Drabwurld and the person she is now; she touches the scar on her face, on her neck, traces the marks until her fingers dig into her forearm, the familiar mudblood still heavy on her consciousness. ]

Maybe it's not the same for Katsa, and - I want to see her again. I want to see her, and John, and Nico, and Dorian. I even want to see Gilgamesh again, and he was a complete nightmare. I want to figure it out, but right now I don't... I don't feel strong enough.

[wolfehawke]

[He watches her, watches her fingers move, gouging even with their gentle touch, not physically but mentally. Emotionally. He knows what this is, he's done it himself. Apostate. Malificar. Mages aren't people...

Adalwolfe slips his hand under hers as she curls her fingers into her forearm, protecting her from herself, interposing himself as a shield. Protection. He closes his fingers around hers, just holding them steadily.]

You have time. If you want it, you'll find the strength when you're ready. Until then, for as much good as it will do, you have me. You have us, here, in the Fleet.

[He pulls her into him a little, pressing a soft, fraternal kiss to the side of her head.]

We'll be strong for you when you can't be. I have some practice at that.

[He laughs softly at his private little joke.]

[brainiest]

[ She didn't even realise what she was doing, not really, so the hand in her own startles her for a moment before she lets herself grasp his, relaxing for a brief second. It's enough, she thinks; it's enough, enough, more than enough because he's here and everything else can just fade away for a moment.

Tilting her head up, she watches Hawke, a small smile appearing on her lips before she nods her head. ]

You're too good to me, really. Far too kind.

[ There are cats around her and her big brother at her side and she can't quite imagine anything else that's quite this comforting, other than her father's arms. ]

I can be strong for you, too, you know.

[wolfehawke]

It's less than you deserve.

[He pops another chocolate in his mouth then raises an eyebrow at her. It takes him a moment to chew and swallow before he can actually respond.]

I know.

[Adalwolfe smiles softly, touched that she'd even offer; he knows these things go both ways but it always melts his already soft heart to hear it said aloud.]

But I get the feeling you've been strong for a lot of people for a long time. Let yourself get taken care of for a change, alright? It does wonders. I've got Anders to take care of me, I'm alright. I promise you that.

[His smile turns a bit more into a grin.]

And you've got Cisco from what I hear. Is that right?

[brainiest]

You're just flattering me again.

[ But Hermione says it fondly, leaning close and resting against him without pause. There's a softness that settles around her that she can't escape and it makes her happy.

Tilting her head up, though, she watches, hesitant. ]

Maybe. I'm not unhappy all the time, though. Not really.

[ And then she flushes. ]

Something like that.

[wolfehawke]

You do realize that you now have to tell me everything, don't you?

[His grin grows wider, taking the blush across her face to mean this is certainly something that makes her happy and therefore something to dwell on.]

[brainiest]

About me and - why?

[ Why would a big brother want to know? ]

[wolfehawke]

Because it's my duty to pass judgement on anyone who wants your hand, obviously.

[That's entirely a joke. Maybe. Possibly.]

[brainiest]

He's not asking for my hand!

[wolfehawke]

It's just an expression! And besides, you don't know if he might later. As your big brother it is my solemn duty to know everything so I can step in if necessary.

[There's a twinkle in his eye despite the very serious tone he's adopted. Clearly he is having the most fun teasing her.]

[brainiest]

I don't think we're even going to consider that sort of thing, especially since the last time I was proposed to it was a complete nightmare!

[ Uhm. ]

[wolfehawke]

The last time?

[Ok, there's some explaining to do. Adalwolfe was just teasing, not actually saying that Cisco should propose. If anything, because of what they'd been talking about, it may not be a good idea to get that far in general with someone not from your world, but the amount of near-panic in her demeanor has him putting on a more serious face.]

Is this something I should know about?

[brainiest]

I, um.

[ Her hand twitches and then, unconsciously, goes to the ring around her neck before she breathes out. ]

A man named Gilgamesh proposed to me in the Drabwurld, a few years ago.

[wolfehawke]

Oh.

[Because really, what else do you say to that?]

Did, uh... well you have a ring, but...

[He had no idea you were married, Hermione. Although, considering her calling it a nightmare and being in a relationship with Cisco now, that can't have been good. But she's holding onto the ring? It is a very nice ring, of course, but Adalwolfe never pegged her as keeping things because of their monetary value...]

I think you might need to start at the beginning.

[brainiest]

I didn't say yes, of course, he was a complete prat.

[ She sours a little, but... But. All the things she's learned about Gilgamesh here - from Caster, from Katsa - doesn't make all the things she felt for him before just disappear. ]

He was a type of being called a Servant, and Servants need a Master to be able to survive properly most of the time. This wasn't true in the Drabwurld, the monarchs helped them out with that, but Gilgamesh still wanted a strong Master to help him fight someone called Saber who had been poisoned from the Holy Grail War. He wanted to marry me so that he would have the power to fight Saber.

[ She twists her fingers around the ring before she drops it completely. ]

I would never have said yes, no matter how much he asked. I'd like to marry someone who really loved me, not someone who played at it.

[wolfehawke]

I know you have more self respect than that, of course.

[He doesn't understand all of it, but he does get that. If your partner doesn't love you, is just using you, then it's not much of a relationship. And it sounds like there were even more complicated and unfortunate power dynamics going on there as well.]

But you did care for him?

[He prompts, wanting to know why she kept the ring if this Gilgamesh was indeed a complete prat.]

[brainiest]

I was quite sure I was never going to get married, not considering I was determined to stay in the Drabwurld.

[ It's just... Her relationship with Gilgamesh was a mixed up, messy, dangerous thing and explaining it to other people was difficult just because it relied so much on what they said to each other alone, and in private, and what they meant to each other. Hermione knew she could reign him in just as he knew he could get her to do almost anything. ]

It's hard not to care for someone when you're close to them. He was an awful, terrible human being, but... He was my friend. Sometimes it's hard to remember he's two parts of a whole.

[wolfehawke]

No, I understand.

[He responds quietly, looking a little distant for a moment.]

I have a... friend. Sort of. I don't know anymore. I'm trying to be friends, anyway, but he's got some-

[Adalwolfe screws up his face for a moment, like he's tasted something sour.]

He has issues about near everything, and he's a glaring hypocrite about it. I try to be understanding but there are some days I just want to take him by the neck and shake him until he sees sense.

[He makes fists, then releases them along with a sigh.]

I've been told he's not worth my time, or that he'll never understand, but I can also see why he is how he is. It's hard not to want to try even when I know he probably doesn't even want me to. He's not a good person, but it doesn't mean he couldn't be. You can see it, sometimes, around the edges and it makes you think you can help. Was it like that?

[brainiest]

[ Hermione blinks, looking up at him for a moment before her mouth drops open in a small 'o'. When she speaks, it's with a soft nod. ]

That's... That's what it was like, really. He was there for some of the worst points in my time in the Drabwurld, and comforted me through a lot of pain - and I was there for him as well. He's not a good person, but he had the strength and the poetential to be someone amazing, far beyond any of his dreams or expectations. He just... Didn't have the heart to do it.

[ Her hand rubs absently at the red markings decorating her left hand. ]

I know I saw a side of him that he wanted me to see, but... I thought that, maybe, if I encouraged that side he might start to accept it. Accept that he could be good, or a hero. Maybe I was just blind.

[wolfehawke]

Who knows, but it's better to try, I think. At least if you're wrong, you did try, instead of writing someone off who could have been helped.

[He shrugs helplessly, leaving off the part where in the meantime with that philosophy, you end up becoming something of an emotional punching bag. He doesn't mind, personally, or so he tells himself.]

But now there's Cisco, right? And it's better? Just because I understand all that with Gilgamesh doesn't mean I'll stand for you being mistreated here in the fleet.

[He grins, nudging her shoulder. It's an effort to bring their minds off of the upsetting and the convoluted, especially before she asks anything about his friend. He's here for her, not to air his dirty laundry.]

[brainiest]

That's how I like to see it. I think I might have put my trust in the wrong people once or twice, but... At least I've tried and done my best.

[ Most of the time. Sometimes she just gets herself into all kinds of trouble and that's more of a nightmare than anything else she can even think of. ]

And - yes. It's better. [ Her cheeks are far darker red than they had been before. ] He's nothing like Gilgamesh, I promise. He actually likes me.

[wolfehawke]

[Oh he knows that, but all the good has to outweigh the bad.]

Well good, that's all I wanted to know. But if he ever treats you poorly, I have a blade on the end of my staff. That's all I'm saying.

[He jokes and offers her another chocolate. Of course he wouldn't actually harm Cisco. He'd talked to him at the Halloween party briefly, but he's fairly certain that the only harm he would do would be accidental.]