driftfleet | ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴜs ( ᴏᴘᴇɴ )

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ᴛʜᴇʏ'ʟʟ ɴᴀᴍᴇ ᴀ ᴄɪᴛʏ ᴀғᴛᴇʀ ᴜs ( ᴏᴘᴇɴ )

Who: steve rogers circa civil war + you, yes you
Broadcast: nope
Action: various;
When: throughout january

[ new year, new memories and what begins as one monstrous headache.

it takes a couple of hours to sort through everything that's new, to make sense of a kaleidoscope of memories, images and sounds. at first, he starts writing it all down, lagos, the sokovia accords, the UN, black panther.

Only the dry details and nothing of what starts to weight down on his shoulders, faces and names that inspire a heavy, intimate, terrible sort of pain.

And so an avoidance of a sort begins that lasts through the two days the new year. Hours upon hours spend on the library aboard the Iskaulit, reading books and making nothing of them. It's an odd sight, Steve Rogers in one of the corners of the room, staring at a book and randomly picking up a notepad and writing something down ( another detail that comes up, scott lang or spiderman ) and then staring at the notepad only to go back and stare at the book.

He might also be found at odd hours at the gym; evidently, taking out his burdens on a punching bag, seemingly lost in thought even as takes out what seems to be a world of trouble on the thing.

It will take these two days of isolation before those of the fleet start seeing steve rogers off the Iskaulit. He'll make a return to the Starkstruck, though this return, too, will be a reclusive matter one will have to actively seek him to find him in the weaponry or otherwise, in his room. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ -- peggy knows when she's said the right thing, even if she doesn't know why. she looks him in his eyes and sees no dissembling there. all she knows for certain is there have been dozens of days (and nights) back home where she has wanted nothing more than to collapse into just this configuration. so many instances where she's craved a comfort she couldn't have, and the look on his face these past two days...?

well. it's a comfort they could take, now. she braces her fingers lightly against the back of his head and returns his kiss with the same care and caution. she doubts kisses really heal anything (despite what mothers tell us when we're children and we've scraped our knees) but maybe they can feel a little better so long as they're together. the kiss is a symbol of that.

leaning her forehead against his: ] I'm glad you're back.

[ in the fleet. on the starstruck. hard to say. ]

[ he's quickly getting used to the idea of having conversations like this. It's impossible to stay tense in this proximity, all of it feels washed away, replaced with warmth and comfort. ]

What have I missed? How's your friend?

[ peggy can feel her heartbeat slow to a gentler pace. it is (indeed) quite comforting to sit half-tangled with him. ]

Mister Jarvis? [ a funny kind of affection colours her voice. ] He's settling. I daresay he's had a damned shock, however. I worry he may yet still be hyperventilating. [ ... ] Have you met? He mentioned noticing you were here.

It's a lot to take.

[ these changes are all something he's already getting used to. Going through this the first time is more than a bit unsettling. ]

We've met. He makes a good iced tea.

He makes a good everything. [ peggy -- usually quite reticent when it comes to praising others -- has nothing but good things to say about the man. ] And although he may not have the training nor the temperament for the sort of capers I've dragged him into over the past two years, he's never balked at lending a hand. I owe him a great deal.

Which ship was he assigned to?

[ curious; it's not this one but then, that hardly means anything. It's not that Steve was assigned to the starstruck himself but then, he spent very little time away. ]

Is he with anyone we know?

[ funny, how it's a 'we' now. ]

The Tourist. [ ... ] I hope they realize quickly how lucky they are to have him.

[ her fingers brush strands of hair off his forehead -- at an angle, she catches his eye. she doesn't smile (it's not a day for smiling, she fears) but there is a fraction of comfort in her voice when she discusses howard's butler. ]

I did Winn and Kara to him by name. [ so. yes. he's with someone 'they' know. a funny turn of phrase, and it sets her mind a churning with thoughts. ]

Jim is a friend. He's a good captain. He's been in this job even before he came here. He's in good hands. Everyone on the Tourist seems friendly.

[ it's a good place to be, overall but - ]

Did you ask him over here? We have room.

[ -- she's quick to shake her head. ]

No. No, I don't think I will. [ it's a slow and calculated choice. she's been thinking about it these last few days. ] He's a butler. I don't need a butler.

[ which sounds callous, at first, but peggy knows what will happen if jarvis moves onto the starstruck. he'll lose himself in serving others -- her, namely. and she doesn't want to jeopardize that friendship through so imbalanced a devotion. ]

He turned up on New Year's eve and tried to serve me tea in my own damned kitchen.

If you ask him to just be a friend - you think he'll still try to do both?

[ he takes her palm in his, traces the lines with a finger. It's not a logic that's foreign to him. All friends need space between them, at times. While one could never be seen without the other once, steve suspects bucky would have hit him if they spent all their days together here. ]

He was here on New Year's eve?

[ he manages a chuckle, mostly at her tone and also at the mental image. ]

[ a wordless grumble. jarvis hadn't necessarily caught her at her most poised. ]

I left the party early, remember? Said I'd see you again back here. [ ... ] He showed up and -- well, it wasn't a most dignified reunion. [ THAT ISN'T THE POINT -- ]

I'm worried what he'll resort to without Howard's supreme neediness keeping him occupied.

You know my memory from that night isn't all there.

[ there was definitely dancing, he did indeed kiss her at midnight but some parts are blurred. Mostly because, well -

Hold on. ]

How drunk were you?

[ his tone is brighter, one would dare say amused. ]

Drunk enough. [ she exhales. pulls him closer, once again, so she could feel his warmth against her body.

(and so that he couldn't see the flush of shame creeping up her neck and spilling onto her cheeks.) ]

I hugged him when I saw him. I think.

A whole hug?

[ he's so terribly amused. The heavier, sadder air of the day is kept firmly at bay. It's really problematic, that he finds all of this adorable. ]

Just one?

I am not a hugger -- [ she announces. emphatically. indeed, mister jarvis had said as much when he'd introduced her to his darling ana.

of course, considering the current situation, this all sounds very suspect. peggy clears her throat. ] Present circumstances excluded.

[ it's a terribly unromantic way to suggest she rather likes hugging him. ]

I doubt one hug to a friend who found himself on a spaceship would make you a hugger.

[ ALL OF THIS OVER ONE HUG. ]

I bet it made him pretty happy.

[ God knows it's doing exactly that to him at the moment. ]

I don't imagine I'll be asking. [ a stiff breath. she clears her throat. it's difficult, really, to adequately articulate her feelings for the good man. he's more than a colleague. better than a friend, really, in many ways. and yet she doesn't dare call him anything but jarvis. they respect each others' boundaries to an almost ludicrous degree. and she knows the extent to which the fleet has changed her is a jarring revelation him.

with relief: ] He'll know better than to bring it up.

[ unless he's feeling trollish. in which case, all bets are off. ]

Your secret's safe with us.

[ Jarvis and well, steve - who is far too happy and comfortable in her embrace to risk it by telling anyone. ]

If anyone asks, I know nothing about it.

My hero -- [ she drawls, and once again kisses the crown of his head. as secrets go, it's slim. but important. peggy has a reputation to maintain. even here. ] That said, I suspect he'll show up more often than not. Indulge him, but not too far -- or one morning you'll find him ironing your shirts in the cargo bay.

Yes ma'am. Not too far.

[ as obedient as that. He would argue her very little when they're like this and besides, he found that he rather likes her friend, odd and talkative as he may be. ]

[ you know, as facetious as it might occasionally be intended, she certainly doesn't mind a good ma'aming when it comes from him. which is perhaps impetus enough for her to shuffle the subject to something brand new and a little bit daunting. ]

You know, I was thinking...

[ she trails off. evidently reconsidering her exact wording. ]

Mm?

[ he shuffles, lifts his head so he can look at her properly, fingers moving from her palm to the inside of her wrist. ]

What is it?

[ he's looking at her; it makes it only marginally more difficult. ]

The Captain's quarters come with a large bed. Larger than this one. [ and heaven help her, it sounds like a line. peggy grumbles and frowns and fidgets.

what she means to say is that he's isolated himself for long enough and maybe -- just maybe -- he shouldn't be alone at night, either. at least for a little while. ]

They do.

[ it's said very carefully. He connects the dots in seconds, for a change. If he's careful in his reaction, it's so he could ask, ]

You like that space, Peggy, are you sure?

Mmhm -- [ she hums. ] For a little while, at least. It's worth the experiment.

[ just now, wrapping him up right and holding him close? it proves to her how necessary such nearness can be. the mere change in his composure and his voice is proof enough that wants a better chance at being present for him. ]

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