driftfleet | Open. Mingle post for the Tourist!

I knew a super fast blue talking hedgehog once, but I still didn't see it coming. [Rubbing his back.]

I'll never look at pizza the same way again.

[ he'll always remember that time his girlfriend and his friend the pink talking pony threw a pizza party for him. he was weak and disoriented from his coma and had so many questions and suspicions rolling around in his head - but like every other painful moment he spent in pinkie's presence, at that moment he didn't care.

there was pizza, made especially for him by a person and a pony he loves, there were good friends, and he was happy.

that's not going to happen, wherever they stop next. not even if they have pizza. ]

[Gives him a supportive little nuzzle and she's quiet just holding him and letting him hold her for a while before she breaks the silence again.] Hey, you don't have to tell me, but what were you doing when I came in?

[ he shifts a little uncomfortably, and pulls away so he could lean back against the pillows propped up against the wall, one arm still around her.

he feels embarrassed, even though he figures what he's done is probably a pretty natural thing to do under the circumstances. ]

I was just...watching the first time we met.

[She leans back with him, head on his chest.] I can watch it with you if you want. Unless that's something you want to keep private.

[ he idly runs his fingers through her hair. there's something almost therapeutic about it. ]

You can watch it if you want. [ he just feels kind of self conscious about it, though he is proud of how he responded to her - he was so instantly delighted by her. being a little drunk helped. ]

[She tilts her head up to look at him.] Sure. I'm here for anything you need. And if you figure out you need to be alone I'll be gone for that. [She wishes she could stop this for him. Make it so no one he cares about ever leaves again. She cares more about that than losing people herself and she cares a lot about losing people herself.]

[ he just looks back at her for a moment. he knows she lost pinkie too. and she lost remy on top of it, he never even spoke to the guy. she's hurting too. and still, she's not bringing what she needs into it - and it's making him feel guilty. much as he's always wanted for people to care about how he feels now that he's getting it he just feels like...he shouldn't be getting it. ]

I'm okay. You don't have to [ pity me ] worry so much. I know you miss them too.

I do. But I've, um, I knew about Remy for awhile. Before your party. He hadn't responded about it at all and I checked the rosters. He was off it then. [But it wasn't time to be sad then. She had a Winn to celebrate.] Pretty sure Remy was more into parties than mourning anyway.

[Softer.] He was the last of the mutants who were here when I arrived.

[She's sad Pinkie and Cheese are gone too, but she didn't have quite the same connection Winn had. And the were so impossible it almost makes sense to her that they're gone. They belong back in pony world if that's really what happens when people disappear.]

[ he's not sure what to do with this information. he thinks of jim, of his face when he made the announcement. thinks of how happy and clueless he was at his party, while kitty was mourning the loss of another friend. the last mutant who was here before her.

his grip on her tightens. ]

You know... the Remy in my world was the last voice I heard. [Before she was supposed to die. Before she was abducted instead.] Telling me not to be stupid. Shoulda listened. [Because she definitely did the stupid thing. She hugs him tighter.]

[ if you're trying to make him cry -- good job cuz that does it, there are now quiet tears streaming down his cheeks. ]

Wish I'd gotten to know him, sounds like my kinda guy. [ he cared about kitty and the version of him that was here cared about jim - that's enough common ground for winn to like him. and in a tiny way it's comforting that the last thing she heard - was a friend. ]

[She nuzzles in, not minding the wetness. She knows she's not far from them herself.] I wish you had too. He wasn't an X-Man, but he still felt like one to me.

Why wasn't he?

[ why didn't he make an effort to get to know him while he could? why can't he figure out of this? he can't lose kitty. does he take a terrible chance she'll resent him for for the rest of their lives - or, her, if it doesn't pay off?

he has to do something. she can't be the next to go.

he can hear the seconds tick by, each louder than its predecessor. he's going to lose his mind if he doesn't figure out something soon. ]

I don't know. Different world. Different life. Sounds like he's fought them before and helped them out before. He didn't have the easiest childhood. It sounded like at least some of it was the same, but he was honest with me about that and he was getting along with Rogue and Kurt and it was good enough for me.

[She doesn't resent Winn. Not for not meeting Remy. And definitely not for not getting them out of this yet. That's an impossible task. But she would like to meet any of his important people that she hasn't and introduce him to any he might be missing. That would be something.]

I'm sorry, Kitty.

[ he can feel his heart just breaking in his chest. or is his chest caving in around it? whatever it is, it hurts. even if both of them keep remaining, how much more of this can they take? this constant fear of loss is driving him insane. ]

Hey. [Softly. Looking into his eyes.]

I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. There are still hard days, but I have you. I have so many friends and our crews. We have these moments even if they never feel like enough.

[ it's the hard days he fears, days of thinking back that it wasn't enough. he knows, they always tell him - you can't live that way - and he tries to push it back, but then it just floats back up because it's not a solution.

there's only one solution and that's winning but he has no idea how to do that. he's never not had any idea how to approach a problem, not after this long. but accepting defeat is losing the will to get up in the morning.

he searches for words, but none come to him. he wants to trash the room and scream and curse but that's not gonna do any good either so he just keeps lying there, holding her tight, tears streaming from eyes that look away from hers. ]

[Is she making it worse? She holds him and kisses his cheek, wet with tears. She doesn't want to lose him at all. Ever. She especially doesn't want to lose him like this. To watch him sink away, broken by a life too hard to bear while she can't do anything to bring him out of it.

But she takes a breath and reminds herself to keep walking. Reminds herself that Winn is strong enough to love her. They'll get through this. And the next one. And the next.]

[ how many nexts til his breaking point? how many nexts until he does something crazy and desperate? how many nexts until he becomes what he fears most - his father's son? it feels like he's being set on a path he can't escape, only delay.

he'll get up tomorrow. he'll find something to smile about - his friends, his little projects. and then he'll lose someone else. and he'll get up the next day with one less thing to smile about. is it just going to keep happening over and over until everything is stripped away from him?

that's not what happened to kitty. she lost everything. and then again. and again. and now it's happening again, one person at a time - and she's not falling apart, she keeps going, she keeps loving. maybe he can do that too, keep going until they tire of trying to break him and send him home, making him one more person whoever's left behind have to get over and keep going without.

that thought doesn't do much for him.

but another does - a memory of sitting side by side with jim, on a fake beach, a few days before christmas, feeling sad and homesick and telling his friend clearly and coherently exactly what he needs - to let it out. if he doesn't want to be consumed by this misery, this hopelessness, he needs to let himself feel it, express it, so he can move on from it.

giving up only helps the atroma, and he's definitely not in the business of doing them any favors.

so he shifts to rest his eyes against his shoulder and lets himself cry, really cry. ]

[She feels a strange sense of relief when he starts to sob like this. It hurts, of course. If she could just remove pain from him she would. But she can't help but think this will be cathartic for him. He holds so much in and when it comes out it's so often anger which scares him and sets the cycle even more firmly in place to hold it in. Maybe this will be more healing for him. She holds him, gently and slowly touching just to let him know that she's with him. She'll be with him in his heart and he in hers even if someday they get separated too. Maybe it can feel just a little less lonely that way.

After some time passes she starts humming a low, soft tune. It's not KISS. That is going to be their song though if they aren't careful. Maybe it already is. No, this is just a half made up, half remembered sort of melody.]

[ he reaches for tissues throughout it, blowing his nose and throwing them to the floor - he'll clean up later right now he can't be bothered to care about anything, not even if he's being gross. there's just crying and kitty and crying.

little by little, the tears start to fade, like someone's fixed a leak or maybe he just emptied up his reservoir, and he just sniffles, listening to the sound of her voice, focusing on the sound of her voice.

she's still here. he's still here. does he want to waste what time they have together fretting and spiraling and working himself to an early grave? if he loses her, he'll regret it for the rest of his life. but if he wastes this precious time with her, he'll regret that, too. he has to find some way to keep a cool head about this.

he presses a soft kiss to the top of her head. ]

[For Kitty's part she doesn't seem to mind the tissues at all. It's all part of how things work and she's here for more than just presents and sexy fun times and cuddling cuteness. She wants to be in his life and this is part of life.

She gives him a gentle, fleeting smile at the kiss and returns one on his temple.] Hey you.

Hey.

[ his voice is rough and choked up and tired - but it's a better tiredness. ] So that was a thing. [ he doesn't really know what to say ok, he knows she doesn't want to hear him apologize and it's all he's got. ]

It looked like you needed it. [She smooths a finger gently over his cheek where those tears of have been streaming.]

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