driftfleet | [002 🐚 Action]

Entry tags:

[002 🐚 Action]

Who: Jeyne and YOU!
Broadcast: N/A
Action: S.S. Blue Fish, S.S. Iskaulit, Anywhere
When: Jan 6th

Iskaulit

[Since hearing of it from Beverly, Jeyne visited the gardens at least twice in a week. With her lessons in medicine increasing, it seemed a wise idea to test the various plants and determine what sort of use they might have. With small samples, she is able to experiment and test, all mainly with herself (as she wouldn't want to subject anyone else to this.) Some plants are recognizable or close to what she knew in her world. For the rest? It's a guessing game.

Her latest project is a sweet smelling salve. When not attempting to mix it with other plants, she rubs it gently on her wrists, smelling the aroma with a small smile.]

Blue Fish

[From one type of experimenting to another. With very few patients to treat, Jeyne has begun to occupy herself with different skills, determined to learn them and no longer be a wastrel. She practices her cooking when able, sometimes not burning the meal and slowly making something that looks nearly appetizing. She continues her lessons with Beverly in medicine, dutifully taking notes. When not with Beverly, she reads over all the information she compiled, committing it to memory and practicing in her head. There are times when she wanders to the cargo deck, toying with her bow (sans arrows), muttering to herself as she works at her aiming.

It's a bit difficult without a target or arrows, but she doesn't intend to injure anyone...even if it would help improve her medical training.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't know.

[She didn't intend to, but she had to admit to herself that she missed feeling him at her side. The night passed slowly without him.]

I met Kitty today.

[Gods be good. Really? This was about Kitty again?

Hasn't he been honest? He had been a fool and drunk. And he has been lonely and he missed her so. But maybe he underestimated all of this.]

I take that as a no, then.

Forgive me for needing time to recover from this news.

[There was a sharpness in her voice that was not normally there.]

Am I so easily replaced, Robb? I am not a woman like her, not in body. Is she what you desire? [Gods, but she felt like such a child, but her anger finally had the chance to be released.]

Without coming to me? Without speaking to me? I have gazed at another woman's bosom. And that is all.

[She's being ridiculous and Robb can feel his anger flare up. It takes a while when he speaks again.]

By the gods, Jeyne!

[She is being ridiculous and she knows it, but insecurity is hard to overcome. She had been thought to be barren in that world, had cost him his crown and his life. There was a part of her that feared he resented the troubles she brought him.]

I wanted space and time.

[Mother warned me that men often take other women to bed. Patience!]

How should you respond if I told you that I made lusty comments at another man? How should you feel?

You have your bloody space and time. Look around you. Space and time. [He shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose.]

This is not fair, Jeyne. [He shakes his head again, finding himself torn between continuing this discussion and walking out of the door.]

Do you really want an answer to that?

No, it isn't, but I cannot help how I feel, Robb. I feel humiliated and hurt. Do you want me to lie to you about that and simply carry on?

[She couldn't imagine lying beside him while carrying these thoughts.]

I know the answer. [She pressed her face in her hands.]

[Robb still doesn't move away from the door. He knows, at some point, he needs to comfort her, he needs to be there for her as her lord husband. Her love. But his body isn't moving and the anger is still there.

She turns from him because he has gazed at a woman's clothed teats? And he has to live with the knowledge she will wed another man and share his bed?]

And what might that answer be?

[She wants that comfort and reassurance, to be told that her insecurities were unfounded. She wanted to know and believe that he didn't view her as a burden, the trouble that cost him his life. Was she even worth the price?

It didn't occur to her that he was already suffering from the same frustration and pain. She had no intention of wedding another, but she didn't think that it still troubled Robb.]

You would feel angry and hurt.

[Robb still doesn't move towards her but he does sit down on the floor and pulls his knees up.]

I am sure you would not do such a thing. You simply would not. But I am sure your lady mother is not planning to lock you up in a tower after my death.

[His voice is low and there is a thick undertone of frustration and anger there.]

Your life will move on, Jeyne. You will wed another man, carry his child and warm his bed. And you might not want to, but you will. And mayhaps you do not think of that, but I do.

They killed me because I chose to marry you. I lost everything because of that. Winterfell, my crown, the North, my mother, every bloody thing I hold dear.

But to choose you...to choose for myself. It has never been a mistake. [He pinches the bridge of his nose again.] Yet, here you are, turning away from me because I have looked upon another woman's teats.

[Oh gods be good, I am a fool and a simpleton.]

I didn't think--I don't think of it. Even with that hanging over me, I have always remained true in my heart and mind. I have two years ahead of me, isolated and alone. [Much could happen in those two years. She could bear Robb a child, despite what her mother might think. She could throw herself from the cliffs and join Robb in death. Or the Lannisters could die. She would not wed though.] Forgive me, I should have recognized that it is something you face often.

[She was calming down, less angry than before and more frustrated at herself. She shouldn't feel this way, not over something so small.]

I live with that, Robb. Every time I look at you or consider what happened in our world, I bear the guilt of all that happened. It is because of me that everything was taken from you and your family was made to suffer. You may say it wasn't a mistake, but it doesn't keep me from wondering if your life would have been better if I had accepted the loss of my maiden head. How can I be worth that trouble?

[She shifts to the edge of the bed, her fingers fidgeting in her lap.]

It isn't that you looked upon another woman, Robb. So much of what we have is based off of that one night. What if someday, something changes your mind and you realize that I am a liability and the source of your unhappiness? [In a small voice she added:] What if you don't want me anymore?

[The idea of her being alone for two years makes his blood grow cold and guilt makes his stomach churn in a very unpleasant way. And the only conclusion he can draw from such measures is a simple, painful one. And it takes a while before he speaks up again.] They are grooming you for marriage. [The look in his eyes grows dark and he can feel his muscles tense up.] If you would be carrying our child they will kill it. So they make sure you won't.

[Robb closes his eyes for a moment while trying to ban the thoughts inside his head. She would forget him at one point. Maybe the gods are kind and they find a good husband for her. One who will learn to love her the way he did.]

It is my fault. [There's an urge to do what he does best. Walk away, go back to his room and stare at the ceiling until his guilt makes place for fatigue and he can drift off to sleep.] All of it. I do not want to listen to this, Jeyne.

What will change my mind? Death? Is there a greater price to pay, then? [Now he rubs his eyes and finally moves to get on his feet. He shakes his head] Get some rest. I will see you on the morrow.

I know they are. [She's been living with it since the news of his death came. Her mother couldn't help but crow at the idea of her daughter finally marrying a Lannister. It was sickening to see the certainty in her mother that Jeyne was not carrying Robb's child. She didn't have to say anything to her, Jeyne felt sure that she had something to do with her "apparent" barrenness.] I don't think you believe me when I say that I have no intention of marrying anyone else.

[The cliffs at the Crag were high and she knew her way to where Raynald and his friends would play.

There is something to make you change your mind, but I cannot speak of it. Instead, she mulled over the betrayal of her mother in silence, shutting herself away from the hurt and pain that she was causing herself with this self imposed separation from Robb. They were both still frustrated and swarmed with guilt. She couldn't speak about any of this now.]

As you wish. [She rolled to her side, pulling her blankets up over her.]

I believe you wholeheartedly. But I do not think that it is your choice to make, Jeyne. [Suddenly he has no idea what he wants from her at this point. Maybe he was being foolish to believe that anything could work here, while everything fell apart at home. How could he live here and forget about what he has done? How could he laugh while everyone suffered because Robb Stark had to play the king?

Still, he waits and somewhere he hopes she would come to him and embrace him and kiss the crushing guilt away. But she does not come. She turns in her bed and hides under the blankets instead.]

You truly wish to continue this game? [He should be the bigger man and turn now. No man should bow to a woman's whims.]

It is the only other choice I can make in the whole of my life. [Robb had been her first choice, hers alone and not influenced by her mother. She was not a puppet and wouldn't be bullied into forgetting Robb. Even before the Lannisters, she showed open mourning.] You are not someone that will ever be replaced.

[She hears him still in the room, well aware of his presence before he speaks. She had expected him to turn on his heel and storm off, but as they had never fought like this before, she couldn't exactly predict how things would go between them.

She only knew that she wanted him to crawl into bed beside her and hold her against him, kissing away her fears and guilt. It's all a matter of who breaks first.]

You believe I am playing a game? [That gets her to sit up again.]

[Robb is silent when she speaks, his eyes focused on the ground. Some foolish part of him had hoped that he had beat all of this once and for all. That he was coming to terms with the legacy he left. That he could separate the past from his time here. He moves a hand through his hair while he tries to make sense of his thoughts, of his wants, of his feelings.]

I am not worthy of being your lord husband.

[And then he sighs, utterly defeated.]

I have no idea. I have no bloody idea what this is. Or what we are. [He moves his hands through his hair.] Gods, I love you so much...but I cannot ever... [There's frustration in his voice and for a moment he glances at the door. He needs to go.]

[It astounds her that he believes he's not worthy of her. She's been holding on to the shame of her family, the fact that she's lost everything, not just him. Her illusions and belief that there could be good coming out of the chaos had been crushed and on top of it all, she believed she was his ruination.

Yet somehow, he still thought she was worth something more. It hurt so deeply.]

I'm not worthy of you.

[It's a bit ridiculous they both think this way, and that it has left them pulling away from the other.]

Robb...[She's breaking down, beginning to cry and ache for him. The truth of the matter comes out in a near whisper.] I don't want to lose you. I love you.

[When he was younger Robb has learned many great things. He learned how to use a sword and how to ride a horse. He learned how to become Winterfell's future lord. He could read and write. He knew how to behave, how to command and how to wage war. And he could be well-spoken and gallant. But he could also take his sword and hack at everything that came in his way.

He was sure that he was going to be a good lord of Winterfell. Like his father was. He would marry happily and have a big family. Lots of strong sons and fertile daughters. He would call them after his father, his mothers and all the old kings who ruled the North in the past and the queens that stood by their sides.

But he didn't knew anything about his own feelings. And even now, now he was slowly opening up, slowly getting in touch with that part of him that has been lost for quite a long time, he can't find proper words for this.]

Don't say that. There are better men out there. Men who are brave. [He frowns.] All I wish is to be in my room and hope the guilt will leave me be for at least a couple of hours so I can sleep. It feels... it feels heavy.

[The smile that appears around his mouth is painfully sad. He loves her and he aches for her. As if it is the last thing in the world that can save him.]

You have my heart forever.

[There had been so much hope for her future, the oldest daughter of the Westerlings. Her mother had come from the merchant class and married a lord of his own hold, yet somehow it wasn't enough for her. She wanted her daughter to be the wife of a Lannister and long ago tried to groom her for such a life.

Yet she never had considered that Jeyne's heart could not be so easily confined or purchased by wealth and opulence. When she met Robb, he wasn't a king but a man in her care. She didn't get to witness his magnetism and might. Instead, she saw him in his frailty and illness, seeing a man that was as mortal as she was. He wasn't a legend, a king that could turn into a wolf or rode a wolf into battle. He was a boy of her age, a man in need of love as she was.

She knew her feelings and her heart, but she carried a secret that lessened her optimism and belief that she was worthy. Had they brought her here before his death, perhaps she wouldn't be pushing him away. But it was hard to determine what might be when she could clearly see what was.

All she knew was that she needed him. She loved him and couldn't face a life without him, not when she tasted something so beautiful and so deep as what they shared.]

You are brave. You face each day with this guilt and find the means to carry on. It seems small, but there are men that would not be capable of that much. I never cared that you were a king or lead an army, Robb. I only ever wanted the man that you are. You have such a good heart, but it's never had a chance to be displayed openly. Not when you had a crown and other worries. Gods, I would rather be a pawn in the Atroma's games, so long as it meant that I could be with that man.

[She weakened, needing his touch and the life he seemed to spark back into her. Hesitantly, she held out her hand for him, silently asking for him to join her.]

[Robb drags his hands over his face and sighs deeply as he listens to her words. They were each other's downfall, even he would always think that his role in all of it was way bigger than hers.]

You made me so happy. Then and now. You have always made me so happy. I cannot believe you find yourself unworthy, you brought me so much happiness. So much warmth.

[His words were a whisper. Soft and barely audible.]

I need you. I need you because otherwise I...I might end up as a mad man. [At times he fears that. That the guilt will dictate his life. That he would lose focus.] Don't turn away from me like you did. Because of something utterly...stupid.

[When she offers him her hand he steps forward and takes hold of it. Their hands fit well together. His a little bigger than hers but her fingers longer than his.]

[How could she ever worry that he might want another? He was a Stark, bearing an honor befitting of his household, but also rare and beautiful in a world of madness. She loved that about him, along with so much else. To doubt him would be to doubt the love between them. She couldn't do that, not now and not ever.

He was all she wanted.]

I love you so deeply. My heart is your and only yours. Nothing will separate it from you, not death, not the gods, nothing. I am yours alone.

[Hang the Lannisters and anyone else who said otherwise.]

I'm sorry. [For so much more than her family. For turning away from him and letting her jealousy take control. It was stupid and she made them both suffer needlessly.] Stay with me. Please don't go.

[She tugged him gently, drawing him closer to the bed.]

I can't bear to be away from you. I'm so sorry.

[Robb can be extremely stubborn towards others and ridiculously strict for himself. But when Jeyne speaks like that, her voice soft and full of love and regret.]

Do not tell me what I already know. I do not doubt your love. Your heart. I have never doubted you.

[He doubted himself with every step he took. But he never had any doubt about her, her feelings, her words, her love. And, of course, guilt still haunted him. It still held him down and made nights long and a bit of an ordeal. But things were bearable with her at his side. Better. Brighter.]

You are forgiven, sweetling. We have spent too many words about this.

[Finally he moves to sit on her bed so he can take his boots off. After that he turns to her and pulls her close to him.]

[She curled into his arms, trembling as the tears finally stopped. The overwhelming emotions he brought on her were like a stormy sea. All she could do was ride the waves and trust that she would make it to shore.

Moments like these were why she suffered through her guilt. Just to be in his arms, she would bear so much more.]

No more words, no more nights alone.

[She just wanted him. Guiding him, she raised her face up towards him, inviting him to kiss her once again.]

[It is a relief to hold her again. He can feel the tension flowing out of his body and the worries settle down inside his head. They have no place here. It is still a mystery how she is able to do that to him. To make him feel at ease in a world on fire.]

And no tears anymore either.

[Apparently they both found themselves unworthy of their love and Robb hopes that she will let it go fast. It is his legacy that collapsed and he took everything and everyone with it. The ones who stayed safe were those who turned their cloaks.]

All is well between us. And if anything occurs, just speak of it.

[Not that he is someone who tends to speak easily. He moves to kiss her briefly, a soft touch of his lips against her. After that he pulls back so he can get comfortable underneath the sheets.]

Come.

[She didn't need to use the upgrade in her augment with Robb, he seemed naturally lulled by the feel of her arms and the gentleness of her presence.]

No more tears.

[She couldn't speak of it all, though she wanted to. There were some things that were too horrific to speak of. What was more, she feared his response if he learned all that her mother did. He would turn away from her, he would hate her. She was more his downfall than he knew and she couldn't bear that guilt.]

I will try. [She couldn't swear she would, but she would offer that much.

She rested her head against his chest as they held each other beneath the sheets. His warmth filling her once more.]

Did you sleep at all these past few nights?

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