Video. the ramblings of a drunk british man.

[edwinjarvis]

Who: Jarvis and you, valentine. ;)
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Tourist/Iskaulit, wherever you catch him
When: Valentine's Day of course!!!

[Jarvis here, ready to be — drunk? Perhaps just a little. He is actually doing a PSA whether he realizes it or not, looking disapprovingly at his wine glass. He's rosy-cheeked and his tie is the slightest bit crooked. Just the slightest. And he is currently abandoning his coat because it is clearly getting hot in the Tourist kitchen.]

Oh, myyyyy goodnessgracious, I think — I... Yes, the wrong bottle, this is... the wrong bottle. It's just a little purple...er than the other I was supposed to take from the shelf. I should have known better; I can't read —

[He looks intently at the liquor bottle, marked in alien writing that their augments certainly can't translate.]

I can't read this, period. I think I accidentally drank one of the more potent... bottles...

[... hiccup]

... Not the whole bottle, mind you, I'm not a barbarian.

Clearly two glasses is downright diabolical. I apologize, Miss Nami, I believe this is one of the newer imports. I will have to credit it out in take — ...take it out in credits. Goodness, it's warm in here. I'm going to go to the Iskaulit, since I fancy it cooler there... Cookies!! [Yes, that's as sudden as it seems, and he claps his hands together.] I'll make some cookies, because it is Valentine's Day, and cookies have to be made, and I haven't the supplies nor the mind-power for chocolate... anything, really. And I certainly have nothing to do on Valentine's Day, no sir — or ma'am. I am quite freed up by... by the light-years-away... -ness, of my predicament. Very much free to bake indeed. I don't mind at all. I — it's very... un-routine of me, to have no one to bake for on this particular date.

[He huffs.]

If you don't have a valentine, please stop by the Space Bar kitchen, I will have cookies so you can at least eat cookies. It's completely unnecessary to have a single valentine — it doesn't need to be a... lady or fellow you fancy, either. I'll have you know I made my classmates biscuits every year, save for — goodness, that time in... 1925...? When I came down with the flu. What a terrible February that was. I thought I'd gone — bubonic.

..... I'm talking quite a lot.

If you'll excuse me, I need my apron. Where did I put my...

[...... He's wandered off.]

Comments

[edwinjarvis]

It's truly a circular and often underappreciated job, dusting.

But nothing is worse than dusting Mr. Stark's inventions. As sole trusted cleaner of said products, I am just relieved to be alive and in good health.

[mucked]

I hope he offers hazard pay.

1/2

[edwinjarvis]

Considering he houses my wife and I with the necessities of living, I can't complain.

... Well, I can complain a little. Mostly when he makes something that may accidentally take my fingers off. I really am quite attached to my fingers.

[edwinjarvis]

[... oh, I made a joke on accident

so humored right now]

[mucked]

[ don't you dare laugh, peggy carter. ]

Tell me. How many sweets are you making? Will there be any leftover tomorrow?

[edwinjarvis]

... Oh, I'm not sure.

I'll have to check my stock afterward and let you know!

[He's gonna make a full batch of linzer cookies with the label "PEGGY" on them when she returns, left in her captain's quarters, is what he means.]

[mucked]

-- Mister Jarvis, so help me but I will hike back down this mountain and fly the shuttle back to the fleet to secure my portion. [ well, she won't. not really. but she wants him (and his food) to feel loved on a day like today. ]

[edwinjarvis]

[He's way too sauced to pokerface through that, because he's quite touched.

And bashful. Curse it all! He will never drink too much ever again!!]

Miss Carter, you know I will make you plenty other things in the future.

Hardly a reason to fly back.

[He doesn't think she will either, but he appreciates the gesture.]

[mucked]

It's not the same, is it? [ ... ] I might never again get to know whether you're as dab a hand at baking drunk as you are sober.

[edwinjarvis]

You really must put more faith in my drunken mastery of the culinary arts.

[hic]

[mucked]

Must I?

[edwinjarvis]

Yes, butler's orders.

... Those certainly are a real thing.

[He thinks maybe. Yes. Sure.]

[mucked]

They don't hold a candle to Peggy's orders. And I've got half a mind to order you to bed.

[edwinjarvis]

Like a mall boy! Miss Carter!

That's rude. I know my bedtime, and it is not anytime soon. For that, I will eat a cookie off your plate. One less cookie!

[mucked]

-- Don't you dare short me a biscuit, Mister Jarvis. I'll know.

[edwinjarvis]

Will I be apprehended by the SSR for biscuit theft?

[:^)]

I can handle your torture methods, I've practiced breathing exercises.

[He's joking. OR IS HE. We will never know unless he's tortured.

... Please nobody torture me.]

[mucked]

Breathing exercises won't help you. [ ... ] Not with what I've got in store for any and all biscuit thieves.

[edwinjarvis]

..... But if you do that, who will bake you biscuits in the future?

[mucked]

Stefan makes a lovely shortbread. [ she'd never truly threaten jarvis's place in her chain of support. but she likes to keep people on their toes -- no one is immune. ]

[edwinjarvis]

[Oh, you've done it, you've gone and made him sulk.]

... I'm sure he does... They're probably quite lovely indeed...

[He couldn't shoot down a fellow chef's work. That'd be despicable.

D E F E A T E D]

[mucked]

Buttery! Flaky! Melt in your mouth, I dare say.

[edwinjarvis]

[Now this is torture. You're a fiend.]

Iiii... suppose... you could... exchange chefs...

[mucked]

Oh, shut it. Pillock. No one could replace you and your pavlovas.

[edwinjarvis]

[He looks absolutely touched and surprised.

The liquor probably plays into it, but still.]

You like my pavlovas?

[mucked]

Americans always muck up the meringue. [ deep! breath! you can do this, carter. you can be nice. ] Same goes for an Eton mess.