driftfleet | 06

Entry tags:

06 - video

Who: Winn Schott and you
Broadcast: Video
Action: Tourist
When: Friday

[ there's something off about winn when the feed turns on. something different from all his other broadcasts. it may take a second to spot it but once you realize what it is it becomes glaringly obvious: there's not a hint of happiness anywhere on his face. his eyes, his lips, his nose, it looks like every last bit of joy has been drained from his features, so even when his lips do stretch lightly upwards, despite his dry eyes it feels more like watching him sob than seeing him smile. ]

Margaery's gone home. [ he has no way of knowing that. she could have been kidnapped to another world, one where she would have no protective big brother to introduce her to superheroes and feminism, to embroider with her and teach her science. but he chooses to hang onto that thought, to believe that she's gone back to the family he knows she so desperately missed despite never letting her pain show. he clears his throat. ] If any of her friends wanna come by for a toast and some stories, I'll be on the Tourist all day.

[ he has been on the tourist since he realized she disappeared, curled up in his bed, shut down. this is the most he's said since, and it feels almost like an outer body experience. he clears his throat again, and nods at the camera before killing the feed. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

What you think I feel, I feel.

Yeah. [Softly. Still stroking his hair. Probably not the best way to do that, but since she would assume it's all those things from that bracket above then they are on the same page whether they know it for sure or not.]

[ he knows he'll feel better if he talks about it, but maybe that's partly why he doesn't want to. this shouldn't feel better. losing family is supposed to hurt.

he falls quiet again, but reaches up to touch whichever part of her is within easiest reach, tracing faint circles with his fingertips. ]

[It's nice that he reaches out too. That he still shows little Winn signs. She knows he'll get through this. She just wish she could make the struggle easier somehow. Maybe she is. Or maybe she's enabling him to stay like this longer. Or maybe that's what's best? How would she know? Nothing was ever healthy back home. You just survived whatever way you could.] I wish it got easier. [If anything she thinks it hurts more each time when someone disappears. She still misses Vision and Wrath and she definitely misses Sascha. Others too. Sometimes people she only spoke to once but had a good connection with. It's a culture of missing people and that's been her life for a very long time. At least now they aren't dead. Probably.]

It can't.

[ they either feel pain when they lose someone they love, or they don't open up to love them in the first place. he doesn't know how to do that, he always gives people his all, he can't help himself, even when he tries to hit stop - he still ends up going. and he doesn't want to stop caring about people, the friendships he's made here, they're better than he ever dared to hope he could have. so pain it is. ]

[Which would also explain why it only gets worse for her as she becomes more open and connected to people instead of trying to keep them at arm's length.]

I guess not.

[She hopes she never does this to him, but as much as she wants to believe in National City dreams it feels almost inevitable that they'll be separated someday.]

[ it would be infinitely worse with kitty - not only because of the way he feels about her, but because with her, the hope that she's at least safe at home with a loving family or friends just isn't there. the best he could hope for is that she's been kidnapped again, held against her will in who knows what kind of twisted environment.

that's not comforting.

again, he finds himself with no words. ]

I think tomorrow you should walk around. Just on the ship if you want, but I could take you down to the ring. Just be outside for awhile since we still can.

[ that just seems to make him more miserable. he buries his face in her leg before he could start crying. he knows she's right, he knows he'll miss this place.

but it's so green and beautiful. margaery loved it. every blade of grass is going to make him think of her. maybe that's good, he can't really tell right now, there's just this sudden overwhelming tangle of stress and misery that seems to have settled in his chest and it leaves no room for anything else. ]

Don't hold it back. You don't have to with me. [And then she repeats the same words she said to Kurt after Wrath left.] Sometimes the only way out is through.

[ he knows he doesn't have to, but he hates crying, especially in front of people - even kitty, and he can't help but fear that if he'll start, he'll never stop.

he takes a breath, tries to will the ball of tension away. it stays put, but his eyes manage to dry. ]

[So kind of the opposite of her suggestion. She wants to help, but she only wants to push so much. People grieve differently. Her way isn't necessarily right.

She bends herself in half to kiss the top of his head.] I could go to the Windrose for awhile if you need some time alone.

[ if a big part of his misery wasn't the fear of losing more people he would take her up on that in a heartbeat. he needs his alone time, just resting and playing some video games, it's how he's used to coping.

but that fear makes her suggestion sound horrifying. he grips her wrist and shifts to look up at her, like a terrified puppy looking at his owner as they say a final farewell before speeding out of his life forever. ]

Please stay. [ he will shove food in his mouth, walk, even talk, just don't leave him. this can't be the way they say goodbye, he doesn't think he'd be able to cope. ]

[She shifts to lie beside him, pulling him close. She knows that look. She's had that look.] Of course I'll stay. I need to get some things from there later but that's later.

[ he clings to her as if his life depends on it, burying his face in her neck. ]

I'll go with you. [ she wants him to walk - he'll walk to the shuttle. if he's with her she's not going to disappear, right? he's never heard of anyone seeing someone disappear before their eyes. ]

Yeah, of course. [She's not going to discourage that. But also...] I love you. I'm yours. [Not sure how much of what he's feeling is fear of her disappearing and how much is fear of her leaving him because he's not his usual self. She can't do much about disappearing. They've already had that talk for as much as it's worth.]

[ some of it's definitely fear of being more trouble than he's worth. he's still afraid of being sad around people, of being an inconvenience, of being not fun. ]

I love you too. [ if someday he'll have to say final words to her - let them at least be those. ]

[She very much wants a forever with him instead of a farewell. Odds have to be in favor of that eventually, right?]

Then we're both pretty lucky. [She kisses the corner of his mouth.]

[ he does everything in his power to help those odds along. ]

It's more than pretty lucky. Us even meeting was so unlikely, and falling in love...[ with all the shit they both carry, the stars had to align and synchronize-dance for it all to happen the way it did. ] If I used up all my luck on this, it's worth it.

You say some pretty romantic things even when you're sad. [She rests her forehead on his.] I feel the same way about you. Always. No matter what rhymes with mad.

I just need you to know how much I love you.

[ has he ever said it to margaery? he's not sure. even if he did, he didn't say it enough. ] Even when I'm sad.

I do. I also never get tired of hearing it, so thank you. I want to spend my life with you. Good, bad, and everything in between.

Me too.

[ he sniffles and nods. ]

I feel like this is where I sing to you, but I can't think of any songs.

[ he kisses her gently and curls up against her again. ]

Sleep on it? [ because that's all he's been having the energy for. maybe, just maybe, when he wakes up this time he'll be able to joke sing her something. ]

(no subject)

passingthrough - 2017-02-25 04:29 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

winn - 2017-02-25 08:47 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only