driftfleet | (no subject)

........There might be things I mislead you all about on my life in Daxam.

[And he both wants to tell so that isn't some secret revealed out from under him, but he also wants to leave it in his past and never think about it again. It shouldn't matter anymore, right? Except it might matter. What if he loses everything over it? Is it worth that kind of risk just to not have it hanging over him?]

...okay.

[ quiet, encouraging. he's listening if mon-el wants to talk. ]

I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want it to come up.

I get it, Mon-El. I totally get it. But this is what the Atroma do - they dredge up the things we don't wanna talk about. Wouldn't it be better to do it under your own terms? And I mean, it might make you feel better, too, it's obviously weighing on you. You don't have to tell me anything but - you should talk to Kara.

What if she doesn't want to see me again after she finds out?

Do you really wanna be in a relationship with someone you don't trust with the truth?

It's not like that. I love her. I don't want to lose her again. I didn't even realize the thing with Natasha was going to be a problem and it was and this... [This he has always worried would be a problem.]

Then learn from it, Mon-El. If you don't trust her, how can she trust you? I know it's scary, but whatever it is - it can't be that bad.

[ cuz mon-el is a good guy. what could he have even mislead them about? he doesn't remember him telling them all that much about daxam to begin with... ]

[He looks at him when he says those last words.] Why do you say that?

Because you're a good person.

[ you better be a good person, if you come out as evil on him now, he's really going to take it personally, okay. ]

You know, Kitty found out a lot of things about me this past year that I was scared would be deal breakers, that felt like the end of the world to me. All she ever did with them was comfort me, make me feel loved and accepted.

[The "Because you're a good person" means a lot to him and he really wants it to be true. No secret evil schemes here. Just someone who was very powerless in what was otherwise a very powerful position.]

What did you think would be a deal breaker? [He hasn't ever seen anything of Winn that would tell him he's anything but a great person and loyal friend.]

That if insanity is hereditary I'm at real risk of going nuts, that I suck at telling her things, that - [ no, it's still really hard for him to say. he trusts mon-el, but what if like, it's a huge deal on daxam or something? ] a bunch of stuff that seemed like a way bigger deal when I was building them up in my head then they ever did when I finally told her.

[He nods.] I'm glad she did the right thing with all of that. You're a great friend, so you're probably a great boyfriend too.

I try.

[ he smiles ]

You're a great friend too, and so's Kara. She's my best friend.

[ 'so you better not hurt her' is implied. ]

Is that why we're getting you bullets? [Oh, lead allergies.] In case I mess up?

Dude, Kara doesn't need me to fight her battles for her, she's perfectly capable of kicking your ass all on her own. I would never hurt you.

[ he'll just be sad and disappointed. ]

For what it's worth...I don't want to ever do anything that makes her want to kick my ass. I only want her to be happy and safe.

Then trust her. She doesn't need you to protect her - not from anyone, and not from any truth.

No. I think this one is just protecting me...like a coward. [Full circle.]

Take it from a coward, manning up feels way better than continuing to hide.

[ and still he can't take his own advice. ]

You know you're a terrible example of a coward. You don't have any powers and you still devote your life to helping other people even though it puts you in harm's way.

It took me a long time to get there. [ he shakes his head ] I still have to be pushed sometimes. You haven't been there yet but there was a time you, Kara, and Alex needed me, and I almost didn't go cuz I was so scared.

[ yeah, he ended up going, but he's still ashamed of how close a call it was. ]

You almost didn't, but you faced your fears and went anyway? Still sounds like it goes in the brave column, and not the cowardly one.

...Did it all go okay? We're all alright?

I had a lot of help from Alex.

[ and by that he means she left him with no alternative (also with no protection though, that was less cool) ]

Yeah, we're all good, we've been in plenty other trouble since.

Good. How does it feel to be the furthest along?